I realized last night that women are GOOOOOOOD. And I mean GOOOOOOOOOOOD. This is why men get caught cheating. Sorry to give away any secrets, ma' ladies!
I met *Hal (no he's not shallow) on match and had a GREAT date on Tuesday. A 3 hour date. One of those dates where you wish you could keep talking, but you have to work the next day. Shared the awkward kiss at the end of the night. Felt butterflies. He texts me later saying he had a great time and books the next date (that's how it's done)! PERFECT.. except what transpired from there...
His match profile said he was separated and at dinner he tells me he's been separated since February. He also moved to my town then too, so okay... makes sense. He has an 11 month old. I'm cool with kids, but I'm thinking "oh wow, that's young" of course. We talked about online stuff and I told him he's welcome to Google me, I have nothing to hide and we had some laughs about that one and he said he was on Facebook but his profile is private due to pictures of his daughter and such.
So on a boring, lonely, sitting-and-eating-pizza-and-Sourpatch-kids-Friday-night, I'm on Facebook and decide to search for him and low & behold... his profile is NOT PRIVATE! He has it set so people in his network can see his page (and hence how guys get caught....)
Of course I begin looking through the pictures (I mean, hello, who wouldn't?) and I find pics from the 4th of July. Aw how cute... look at his little daughter (adorable). Aw... look at him holding her (how cute is that?).
Aw... how NOT CUTE IS THAT RING ON HIS FINGER???? Aw... HOW NOT CUTE IS HIS WIFE SITTING NEXT TO HIM HOLDING THE DAUGHTER WITH HIM IN THE PICTURE??
I can't read anymore. I can't think. I need to call in reinforcements - someone who can stay calm and help me in this dire time of need. I call (cue Mission Impossible music)...my detective agency. All women have a detective agency. ALL of them. Some people call them friends, but that's just an alias. They will know what to do.
Phone call to Dawn in Michigan. I picture her with oversized black bug-sunglasses, a black beret and a Spy vs. Spy black trenchcoat, codename Natasha, as I tell her the caper. She asks for my password, logs in and begins to search. At the same moment I walk across the hall to see *Gina, Codename 'Bruiser' (she'll cut a bitch) . I picture her like Samantha in Sex & the City when she found Richard eating another woman's sushi - all Raquel Welch-wigged and trench-coated as well, with killer heels and a know-it-all, sinister smile. She and her trusty sidekick Kato (okay, that's not her dog's name) are on it. Her fingers fly to the computer with lightening speed as she logs in and begins her investigation. Dawn is to the scene of the crime first.
She peruses the suspect's profile.
Natasha: "Okay, I'm in. I'm going through his updates. He's really boring." (furious typing) (Frustrated) "Really, these updates are so boring. All he does is say 'It's Monday' 'It's Tuesday' and not much else. This looks like a single guy profile. " (I appreciate the assessment). "But wait" (oh no). "I see on here that under his status, is doesn't list anything and it says he's looking for friendship and networking."
Bruiser: "Okay, he's wearing the same shirt in this picture but he's NOT wearing the ring. Wait, are you sure that's his daughter and not a niece?" ( Fingers madly type, creating a clicking rhythm in the room.) "No that's his daughter."
Natasha: (with spy kit in hand) "Wait, this makes no sense. He has over 200 friends. If he split from his wife, don't you think SOMEONE would comment?" (I can envision the quizzical look on her brow and more furious typing. She is momentarily distracted by her daughter. A rookie mistake that could have cost her her life. Thankfully Bruiser is there to save the day).
Bruiser: "Wait a second. Yes, you are right. He is DEFINITELY wearing a ring. I can't tell if SHE is though. Let me keep looking." (She's accessing the photos of others who have posted photos on the profile. More furious typing). "I can't tell."
Natasha: "All I can find is that he misses his daughter and he was traveling a lot for work. Nothing about a wife. Nothing. I don't know. Maybe they were separated."
Bruiser assesses the situation: "I agree. They might have just been together for the family, ya know?"
Natasha: "Yeah, but that doesn't really look like he's been separated since February."
Bruiser: "Agreed"
I await their final report.
Bruiser: "Okay, go out with him tomorrow. At least get a nice meal and a concert out of it. Ask a few questions, but don't LOOK like you are looking for answers. It's crucial that you NOT give away your identity."
Natasha: "I agree. Find out what's going on, but under NO circumstances can you tell him where you found your information. Guys think this stuff is psycho. If you do that, we may be found out and never be able to help you again. Be smart. Be safe." click... Natasha is disconnected.
So I am going an a reconnaissance mission tonight, er... 2nd date, to see what's up. One small tidbit though... when talking to Hal last night he revealed he's been separated since April. So he tacked on 2 months. Maybe by tonight I'll get the truth and it will be June or something.
Will Regina find true love? Will we find out the true story of the mysterious Hal? Stay tuned for our next episode...
