The rules of being a fuck buddy

The rules of being a fuck buddy:

Rule 1: There is no fuck buddy.

Rule 2: No really, there is no fuck buddy. I can’t acknowledge you exist. It will keep me from meeting other dudes. I’ll tell all my female friends about you though, of course. They'll think I'm being really slutty. Guys would think I'm a whore. Hence, there is no fuck buddy.

Rule 3: You can’t stay over. Chicks get attached. No, really. There is a chemical we release when we have sex with someone and that chemical “bonds” us to that person. Cuddling and sleeping over = stronger bond. You’re a fuck buddy. Just go. Don’t be mad about it.

Rule 4: Call ahead. Don’t booty call me at 2am. Booty call me at 10 telling me to come at 12:00. Oh yeah, I’ll be coming.

Rule 5: Don’t talk a lot. Okay, not to sound like a total bitch, but there’s a reason we aren’t “relationship” material. It’s just not there. Just enjoy what you’re getting and be grateful. Shut up.

Rule 6: No major dates. I’m not your “backup” for special events when you can’t get a date. I’m a fuck buddy. We fuck. That’s it.

Rule 7: I have a life. Don’t be mad when I’m busy. It’s the nature of the fuck-buddyness. You’re a bump in the road on my way to my next great guy. Again, just enjoy it.

Rule 8: Don’t get too kinky. I get that we’re doing it and all, but no, I won’t have anal sex with you. You get that when you put a ring on my finger. Since we aren't "relationship" material that ain't gonna happen.. so give it up. I also won't have a three-some or invite a midget along.

Rule 9: Don’t tell me about other chics. Yeah, I don’t really WANT to know. You tell me and it’s like “why are you telling me this?” Just get naked.

Rule 10: Don’t leave shit at my house. Your underwear. Condom wrappers. Take care of that shit.. geez. Nobody likes a messy fuck buddy.