From "we" to just "me" again.

This time around I was the one who did the breaking up, but that doesn't make it any easier. It happened 4 days ago, yet it's all I can think about. The only pervading thought is - I did the right thing, and in that I find comfort.

I loved Hal very much, more than any man in my entire life, but me loving him that much doesn't a relationship make. It can't always be one person. The final straw was Sunday. I had been visiting my family and been gone for 9 days. The whole time there I was thinking of him, buying him souvenirs and things. When I returned, he was out of town in Vermont for a grad class. He returned at 1:30pm on Sunday. After not seeing me for 9 days, I was excited ... SO excited to see him. At 1:30, he texted me and told me he landed and I asked, "When should I come over?" His response: "I don't know". About 1/2 hour later I question this "I don't know" and he tells me 'I don't know. I have a lot to do." I don't know about you, but to me, that was a pretty clear sign. And the "lot to do" was him looking for a credit card he'd been looking for for 2 weeks (so hello - why wouldn't you look for that while I'm gone)?? And doing laundry. He blew me off for about 5 hours and then said to come over. When we went to dinner, I asked him if he missed me and his response was, "Eh, just a little". But he wasn't joking. He saw my deflated look and said, "Did you heard me?" And I responded, "Uh, yes, I heard you." And he said, "Well I did miss you a little. I was just really busy."

And there it is - the past 3 months have been like this. Almost the same thing happened on Valentine's Day. I surprised my man with a dinner of NY strips & potatoes and I dressed in a little "something special" and my man basically chuckled, proceeded to eat his dinner, pay his bills and do anything but be with me. Finally after oh - a few hours in this "outfit" I changed. It was humiliating.

I noticed a change. The first few months of our relationship he was all about "us" talking about taking vacations together, doing things together and was all about the "we". The last few months I noticed he started saying things like "Next St. Patty's day I'm going to Ireland with my friend." And we had never been on a trip together. He went from saying that we should go see his parents and he wanted me to meet his brother, to him taking those trips by himself. I understand being gone for trips and wanting "alone" time, but we went from spending nearly every day together to spending maybe 2-3 days a week together. He also starting hanging out in the bar, alone or with this beer club he belonged to. The problem with that was - these aren't his friends. He didn't really have friends here - they are all in his hometown. Now, I'm all for a girls' night or guys' night out... absolutely! But he would go and hang, by himself, in the bar. When I would go out with my friends, he would get pissy with me and pick a fight. Once he told me he had all this custody stuff to work on (and true, that's been a huge stress), but then the next day we chat all day over email and he says nothing, until 5:00pm when I post I'm meeting a friend for after work drinks, and boy does he get mad. Then he claims he is done with his "custody stuff" and could've gone out with me... well then, why didn't you tell me all day while we were talking? Cuz he was full of shit. He wanted to see me when he wanted to see me, turning me into a "sometimes" girlfriend. I'm nobody's "sometimes" girlfriend.

It turned into this push me away, pull me in type of thing and I was just done. It's too much to even write the whole thing, but his actions and words told me that he wasn't in a place for this relationship, and I value myself to know that I'm worth a whole lot more than taking whatever scraps he was willing to throw my way. I understand he has a lot of issues right now with his ex and his custody stuff, but instead of letting me be his partner in that, he pushed me away. I should've been the person he wanted to escape WITH, to relax WITH, to be WITH as he went thru this, but I wasn't. I think his anger with his ex just consumed every good part of him and he couldn't see around that. I hope that one day he's able to let that go, but I'm not willing to settle for "what I can get" and I was tired of being more unhappy than I am happy.

What I learned is that I deserve to be loved and missed and adored and... all of that! And also - don't get involved with a man in the middle of custody issues!! I know it's no fairy tale, but dang - my man should at least miss me after 9 days! Heck, I miss my man when he's gone for just a weekend! I started to see that this was a one-sided love and that, they say... is history.

The thought of dating again though is NOT a fun one, so I'm spending my time just for ME, losing a few lbs, eating right, exercising, reading some good books and going out with my friends and finding my "fun" again. I know it will return : ) And I know I did the right thing, because bottom line - I'm worth it.

Reconciliation...

Apologies go a long way, and I believe that this one was heartfelt and I believe that *Hal means it when he apologized for being a turd. Without going into too many details, he is going through a terrible custody battle right now, and I think it's taken his toll on him.

He apologized, and I believe in second chances, and I believe that he is truly sorry and that we deserve a second chance...

So here's to make-up sex (woo-hoo!) and trying to work things out with the man you love...

6 month relationship over :(

My relationship of 6 months has officially ended, so... ah, back to dating for me... soon, but not today... LOL.. give me some time! The strange thing for me is, I suppose in some ways I'm looking forward to it (until my awful next date where I eat those words) because I feel I do deserve to have a normal, healthy relationship with someone who treats me the way I deserve. I wish he had been that guy, but it turned out he's not.

I feel terrible I neglected my blog though, but... what can a girl do when she was in love? The short of it - my now ex was going through a really nasty divorce and custody battle and just wound up being really... mean to me. I'm a good-hearted person and have a hard time being truly MEAN, and he was just... MEAN, taking out his anger towards his ex on me, telling me I'm not there for him (yet that's all I've done), and then finally telling me he didn't need me nor want me and was purposely making me suffer by ignoring me over and over. Why would ANYONE sane stay?

Me? I can't do that to someone - intentionally hurt him, and I now question whether he ever loved me, because when you love someone, you might make mistakes, you might hurt the other person, but you apologize and move on and forgive. To be so intent on purposely hurting me? There's no way he loved me, and THAT is what hurts the most, but it's also the factor that made it easier to walk away.

Break-ups suck though, as we all know. Right now - I'm all about fun. Already have a packed couple days planned, a 5K with friends, a Ladies Night AND a trip!! I'm not one to sit around crying. I feel sad, but I just know that I deserve every happiness in the world and the last 4 weeks with him have been far from happy - more like me doing everything, him doing nothing and making me feel guilty and trying to convince me I wasn't doing enough. Fuck that shit.

Falling for the new guy...

I've met someone. : ) I know, I know, everyone shall now say, "Oh no more fun dating stories. Boo!" Oh Boo to you! : ) I still think there will be stories, but now, I'll have to shift to relationship tidbits and stories. It should be funny, because really, it's been a while since I've been in a relationship and most of those sucked. So far, this one is amazing, but I promise - I won't post mushy stuff that will make you puke. Much.

The worst part? I must call him Hal* (again, no he's not shallow) because I can't think of another "H" name besides Harold or Howard, and those are not hot names (his real name IS hot though).

Anyway, Hal is kind and thoughtful, honest and sexy all rolled into one. I'm a lucky girl.

Now I must address an email from Dawn, er Natasha. If this is what relationships are like, I'm seriously, seriously screwed.

Question #1 – Why do men need reading material to drop a deuce??? I don’t know about you, but when I have to take the Browns to the Super Bowl, I don’t need reading material. Does it relax them; which makes it easier? Do they have really short attention spans and they need something to do??? All I know is when I need to go, I do the deed and wipe my ass. The end.

Answer: This is the only area where guys actually need a distraction to get something done. It's the only place they CAN multitask, so they take advantage of it. In contrast, this is the only quiet moment that a woman has, so she enjoys the peace & quiet and gets the job done. She multitasks the entire rest of her life. Venus... meet Mars.

Question #2 – Why is hunting considered fun??? These people wake up at the ass crack of dawn, pile on layers of smelly clothing(they don’t wash these clothes all season), walk a half mile to their tree stands (sometimes walking thru heavy snow), climb a tree in the dark and sit there freezing their balls off waiting and hoping deer will appear. If they are “lucky” enough to shoot a deer, most of the time the deer runs and you need to track it. Once you find the deer, you have to drag the bloody, 100 lb+ deer through the woods back to where you are staying. Once you get the thing back, you have to hang it and gut it. Sounds like a fabulous time to me!!!!!!

Answer: Agreed. But then again, the same describes me the last time Macy's had their 1/2 off shoe sale. Just replace the word "deer" with "patent leather Mary Jane's"

Question #3 – Why do guys blow their nose in the shower??? This drives me insane. Can they not wait till they get out and blow their nose in tissue like normal people??? If they are blowing their nose in there, what other disgusting things are they doing???

Answer: That's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard. I think it goes along with Hershey marks in the underwear. I mean, really how lazy do you have to be not to wipe your own ass? Although I do know a female or two who has peed in a shower. I mean, not me. I'm a fuckin' lady.

Question #4 – When men take showers, why do they leave hair on the soap??? I’m not a big fan of using bar soap, but most guys do and I can’t help but notice all the freakin hair they leave on the soap. Do they not see the hairs??? Do they think us ladies find that sexy??? Sorry, but we don’t. Hairy men gross me out. It makes me want to throw up. I don’t know what part of your body those hairs came from. Were you scrubbing your crotch with it cuz that is the first thing I think of. That is just plain nasty. Just stop it!

Answer: Simple. He is an animal marking his territory. He figures if you meet some other guy, that guy might come over and shower (yeah, that could happen), he'll see that hair and realize that he's in the lair of an enemy beast who has hair, a sign of male verility and that if his not-as-verile ass doesn't get out of there soon, that wild wildebeast will tear his eyebrows out through his asshole. It's a pretty clear message.

The Charlie's Angels Detective Agency...aka my friends!

I realized last night that women are GOOOOOOOD. And I mean GOOOOOOOOOOOD. This is why men get caught cheating. Sorry to give away any secrets, ma' ladies!

I met *Hal (no he's not shallow) on match and had a GREAT date on Tuesday. A 3 hour date. One of those dates where you wish you could keep talking, but you have to work the next day. Shared the awkward kiss at the end of the night. Felt butterflies. He texts me later saying he had a great time and books the next date (that's how it's done)! PERFECT.. except what transpired from there...

His match profile said he was separated and at dinner he tells me he's been separated since February. He also moved to my town then too, so okay... makes sense. He has an 11 month old. I'm cool with kids, but I'm thinking "oh wow, that's young" of course. We talked about online stuff and I told him he's welcome to Google me, I have nothing to hide and we had some laughs about that one and he said he was on Facebook but his profile is private due to pictures of his daughter and such.

So on a boring, lonely, sitting-and-eating-pizza-and-Sourpatch-kids-Friday-night, I'm on Facebook and decide to search for him and low & behold... his profile is NOT PRIVATE! He has it set so people in his network can see his page (and hence how guys get caught....)

Of course I begin looking through the pictures (I mean, hello, who wouldn't?) and I find pics from the 4th of July. Aw how cute... look at his little daughter (adorable). Aw... look at him holding her (how cute is that?).

Aw... how NOT CUTE IS THAT RING ON HIS FINGER???? Aw... HOW NOT CUTE IS HIS WIFE SITTING NEXT TO HIM HOLDING THE DAUGHTER WITH HIM IN THE PICTURE??

I can't read anymore. I can't think. I need to call in reinforcements - someone who can stay calm and help me in this dire time of need. I call (cue Mission Impossible music)...my detective agency. All women have a detective agency. ALL of them. Some people call them friends, but that's just an alias. They will know what to do.

Phone call to Dawn in Michigan. I picture her with oversized black bug-sunglasses, a black beret and a Spy vs. Spy black trenchcoat, codename Natasha, as I tell her the caper. She asks for my password, logs in and begins to search. At the same moment I walk across the hall to see *Gina, Codename 'Bruiser' (she'll cut a bitch) . I picture her like Samantha in Sex & the City when she found Richard eating another woman's sushi - all Raquel Welch-wigged and trench-coated as well, with killer heels and a know-it-all, sinister smile. She and her trusty sidekick Kato (okay, that's not her dog's name) are on it. Her fingers fly to the computer with lightening speed as she logs in and begins her investigation. Dawn is to the scene of the crime first.

She peruses the suspect's profile.

Natasha: "Okay, I'm in. I'm going through his updates. He's really boring." (furious typing) (Frustrated) "Really, these updates are so boring. All he does is say 'It's Monday' 'It's Tuesday' and not much else. This looks like a single guy profile. " (I appreciate the assessment). "But wait" (oh no). "I see on here that under his status, is doesn't list anything and it says he's looking for friendship and networking."

Bruiser: "Okay, he's wearing the same shirt in this picture but he's NOT wearing the ring. Wait, are you sure that's his daughter and not a niece?" ( Fingers madly type, creating a clicking rhythm in the room.) "No that's his daughter."

Natasha: (with spy kit in hand) "Wait, this makes no sense. He has over 200 friends. If he split from his wife, don't you think SOMEONE would comment?" (I can envision the quizzical look on her brow and more furious typing. She is momentarily distracted by her daughter. A rookie mistake that could have cost her her life. Thankfully Bruiser is there to save the day).

Bruiser: "Wait a second. Yes, you are right. He is DEFINITELY wearing a ring. I can't tell if SHE is though. Let me keep looking." (She's accessing the photos of others who have posted photos on the profile. More furious typing). "I can't tell."

Natasha: "All I can find is that he misses his daughter and he was traveling a lot for work. Nothing about a wife. Nothing. I don't know. Maybe they were separated."

Bruiser assesses the situation: "I agree. They might have just been together for the family, ya know?"

Natasha: "Yeah, but that doesn't really look like he's been separated since February."

Bruiser: "Agreed"

I await their final report.

Bruiser: "Okay, go out with him tomorrow. At least get a nice meal and a concert out of it. Ask a few questions, but don't LOOK like you are looking for answers. It's crucial that you NOT give away your identity."

Natasha: "I agree. Find out what's going on, but under NO circumstances can you tell him where you found your information. Guys think this stuff is psycho. If you do that, we may be found out and never be able to help you again. Be smart. Be safe." click... Natasha is disconnected.

So I am going an a reconnaissance mission tonight, er... 2nd date, to see what's up. One small tidbit though... when talking to Hal last night he revealed he's been separated since April. So he tacked on 2 months. Maybe by tonight I'll get the truth and it will be June or something.

Will Regina find true love? Will we find out the true story of the mysterious Hal? Stay tuned for our next episode...

The conundrum of match.com

Been home sick and not venturing much into the dating world (another slow time, what can I say) so I'm at home perusing my options on match between naps and bowls of chicken soup.

So... I get winked at by this guy today and had to comment on this to the blog. It's too tragic not to comment. He has 2 pics, both exactly the same except for the fact that in the 2nd pic, he is shirtless (a pet peeve of mine you don't EVEN want to get me started on). Okay, I can't help myself, I'm started - why are you taking shirtless pictures? It is NOT a turn on. It's basically saying you're a giant douchebag (see douchebagitis post). It's like, "Hey look at me and my awesome bod, ladies." His name is probably Guido. Or Nick. C'mon guys - I don't want or need to see you shirtless. Without saying a word, you basically confirmed that you are self-absorbed, inconsiderate and probably lousy in bed (those who are good don't need to advertise the goods). In this scenario there is a bigger problem though. This match doesn't have a fantastic bod. This match.com shirtless guy has man boobs. He's a douchebag who doesn't even realize he has man boobs.

And...

The man boob nipple I can see clearly is pierced.

Ew.

I suppose this is sorta like a chubby girl like me getting her belly pierced. It's a complete no-no. This pierced man boob is like a droopy boob with a little loop on the end of it. Is it for towing? A place to clip your keys so you don't lose them? Maybe he keeps pulling on it, creating his saggy National Geographic-like droopy boobs? Can you tie em' in a knot? Can you tie em' in a bow? Maybe he's one of those weirdos who enters competitions where he lifts massive weights with his piercings and odd body parts? Seriously, have you ever seen those dudes who lift huge weights with their penises? Disturbing. Google it.

Then to top it off, he says he's in law enforcement, but he's "well off" and makes over $150K/year but the pics, in the background (do guys not realize we analyze every piece of background in those self-portraits?) there is a lava lamp. Yes, a blue lava lamp. There is also a clock with fruit on it like what my grandmother would have... in 1961. Except another small problem - this cell-phone camera self-portrait is in the bathroom. How do I know? Right below the hideous grandma clock is the toilet. Ohhhh sexy. Take a photo in the can and put THAT on match. I'm yours.

Seriously, this could be the love of my life, right?

Another dry spell so now I'm a hooligan!!

Yeah, it's been a dry spell here in the dating pool, but that doesn't mean I'm not keeping myself amused. Saturday night, after a fun night at the bar, Tara, Kim and I decide to go in my apartment complex hot tub at 3am. Yeah... smart. The funniest part - we show up, drunk off our asses and there are 2 people there when we get there. Once we get in we realize - these other 2 people are naked!! EWWWWWWWWW! Except we don't even realize it cuz we've been drinking! So we proceed to just hang out and then:

FLASHLIGHT!!!

Oh crap. It's our complex cop. And he's not a rent-a-cop, he's a real cop. Oh boy. All I can think is... thank God I'm not naked.

Cop: "Uh, you guys live here?"

Us: (silence)

Cop: "You know the pool closes at 10"

Us: (silence)

Cop: "Someone live here?"

Me: Uh, yeah. Sorry.

Cop: "What apartment do you live in?"

Me: Uh... 822 (total lie)

Then Kim proceeds to jump out of the hot tub and flirt with the cop. Thank God I hang out with girls skinny enough to wear bikinis. The ultimate cop deflectors. Tara and I get out too and start talking to him. Tara's in a bikini too (go deflectors!!!!) The poor naked people are stuck in the hot tub. All this time I'm thinking of that SNL skit where Will Ferrell is talking to his "lovvah" in the "hottub" and they are eating meat. Weird. I know.

So we wind up standing outside talking to this cop until 4am. Turns out, he's kinda flirting with Kim and telling her he's going to hook her up with some friend of his. (Go Kim!!)

Meanwhile, the poor naked people have to jump out, naked. Hehe... naked people.

Ah, who needs guys when you can get busted by the cops in a hottub at 3am with some naked people!!!