I'm WALKIN' HERE!

What to do while waiting for the dating gods to smile on you? Work out. Shop. Read.

This morning I lost an additional pound as the shit was scared out of me by a truck whose driver was NOT paying attention to the fact I was crossing the street. In my mind, I banged on his hood and screamed, "I'm WALKIN' here!!!" ala Ratso himself Dustin Hoffman (Midnight Cowboy). In reality I turned and glared at him and called him a jerk-off...out loud...with my Ipod on. Oops, his window was open. Wow, he seemed pissed.

Off to the greenway, which is a HUGE perk of living in North Carolina (it's miles & miles of paths for hiking, walking, biking), but the downside is that there are toooo many snakes in this state and if anyone knows me they know I'm scared to death of snakes. I've seen 2 on the greenway in the two years I've lived here. A third wrapped itself on the balcony of my apartment about a week after I moved in. I can't think about that, as I refuse to this day to go on my balcony, no matter how lovely it is in October (that's when I tell everyone else in the cold to suck it). So while I jog, my eyes are constantly darting back and forth, back and forth, eyeing the grassline for snakes.

Oh, the other downside of the NC? The heat in the summer. Even at 9:30am it was steaming, literally steaming - YES, steam rising up off the wooden planks of the greenway. I expected to hear a howler monkey any minute and to run across some tribal Amazonian with a bone through his nose shooting poison darts at wayward joggers (hmmm.. potential date?). It's going to be 95 today. With the humidity that's so-hot-your-ass-crack-sweats hot.

I also discovered I have an annoying habit of singing my songs out loud while I jog. I seemed to amuse a few joggers who passed me with my rendition of "Electric Avenue". They seemed less enthused with my rendition of "Me So Horny." Geez...everyone's a critic.

The truth is, the fitness stuff makes me feel good. I've been battling and battling to get off the 20 lbs I gained in my last relationship (it needs to GOOOOOO!) and I go up & down, up & down. I'm down some of those pounds, but still need to keep up the momentum and now that I'm out of school, it's project ME time. What else am I going to do? Watch Real Housewives repeats over & over? And the best part? The exercise pays off. My body is SLAMMIN'... well, underneath a layer of chub that needs to melt off. But damn it, once that happens, it's ON bitches!

Things to do when dating turns sucky

So dating has been a literal DESERT of possibilities, er... non possibilities, so I'm going to focus on all the things I can do to occupy my time now that I'm out of school (yeah, summer!). Everyone envisions that teachers spend their summers on white sand beaches covered in luscious Banana Boat tanning oil, miles & miles from the nearest teenager. Yeah, that's what we WISH we could be doing. In reality I have no money and have to attend training sessions all summer for school, topped with moving in a few weeks. Oh what fun. So with dating being frankly non-existent, I could really use some suggestions on how to keep busy. Of course, a job would make sense, but with said training & moving, it's difficult to secure employment with the caveat, "ah but I can't work these days, these days or these days". Employers LOVE that.

First on my list - my love affair with dairy creamer is on my mind every morning. It's been going on for years, and while in my life I have cut out a lot of "bad" stuff like high fructose corn syrup, this is the one thing in my life that is soooo Brokeback. I just can't quit you Chocolate Chip Creme Brulee creamer!!!

So after my love affair each morning, it might be time to work on my tan. Okay, I only allow about 20 minutes of REAL sun followed by a slathering of SPF. I'm 35 and still look totally 29. I don't want to ruin that (I might also be delusional about that, but oh well, my friends totally agree).

There's also time at the gym, which I refer to as, "Minute by minute agony in which I want to stab little girl running class with pointy objects." Seriously, every time we do those tricep lifts where you heft your entire body off the bench with just your muscles? Let me lift YOUR 102 lbs... no problem. The instructors always seems to focus on me saying, "You can do it!!" in this annoying cheerleader-sorority-ra-ra voice that makes me want to stab more objects in her head. I could do it with a fork lift sweety. Pass me a donut.

Other ways to pass my time besides reading my chick-lit books, mixed with a few popular bestsellers and classics (thus my "well-rounded" literary canon), I'm at a loss. I could accept dates with homeless, vagrant ex-cons (and parolees) just to entertain you folks, but something tells me that's not a good idea. I'm open to suggestions.

In a state of stupidity!

That's all I can surmise.

I went on a 2nd date with Sean* this weekend, and had a GREAT time. We went to an awesome wine festival up in the mountains. It was super duper hot, and drinking the wine... oh that hit me kinda quick, but it was a GREAT fun date : ) Then went to a park with a river afterwards and kinda walked in the water. It was fun! The problem I'm having is that I'm having all these confused feelings. I like Sean, he's sweet and in many ways totally different from my ex - he pays much closer attention to me, not obsessed with phone and ex-wife,etc. He's considerate, opens doors and such, but he's more of a "girl's guy", than a "guy's guy" and I've always gone for the "guy's guy". But then again... I'm still single. Maybe I SHOULD be looking for a different kind of guy. I sense this guy has a really good heart.

The only shallow thing I have to say (and yes, I recognize my shallowness) is.. He wore jean shorts. I will overlook this, but allow me to say, I HATE HATE HATE jean shorts on guys. And white tennis shoes. I hate any jeans with white tennis shoes. It's a personal pet peeve that I will overlook. I promise. And he wore a camouflage army-type drawstring hat at the wine festival. (sigh)...

The things that kind made me wonder are things like him blowing me kisses on the phone and when I walked away to go to the restroom. It was a little tooooo mushy for me. I'm just not that kind a' girl. He was blowing kisses on the phone this past week after our 1st date. I thought it was too much and then when he did it in person it was too much again. There were a few things he said and I was wondering "is he holding back the hick?" (See previous posts with my hick encounters)

So it's still a question mark with this guy. I think the problem is, I'm so new out of my last relationship that I'm questioning and over analyzing everything. He is kind. He is sweet. He's a good guy. I need to focus on that. Take it slow, having fun, getting to know him and just take it from there. : )

It just sucks that I am having a tough time reading this one. I'm usually always "yes" or "no" and with this guy, it's like a great big "I don't know". My friends & family think 1 - I'm still getting over my last relationship and 2 - I'm still a little scared to enter a new relationship.

I don't doubt it. So I think the slow roll.. is the way to go! : )

A lesson on how to do it RIGHT, guys!

Ya know... I was nervous about going out with *Sean since he's from the south & all, but wow - had an INCREDIBLE awesome 1st date! His smile was even better in person.

First things first - he brought me daisies and I LOVE daisies! They are my favorite flower. Simple. Classic. That's me.

Next - he opened doors and was a perfect gentleman. Insisted on paying. Conversation was great and fun... all the elements of a great 1st date. I was smiling the whole time.

It was just nice to have a guy interested in me, wanting to be with me. He told me how pretty I looked and what a great smile I have. I hadn't heard that in a long time, and certainly not much in my last relationship.

What I wasn't used to and what surprised me was that he was very "protective" of me in a nice way. Like walking, he kind of put his hand on my back. It was really sweet. I just wasn't used to it! Isn't that sad? I'm not used to romance!!! So flowers, dinner and then we decided to go listen to live music in this shopping center by me and we sat by a fountain and talked for another hour or so and then decided to see a movie. It was funny because the only thing playing was Shrek at the time we went. I secretly wanted to see it, but didn't want to admit it. And Sean looks at me and says "Okay, I'll see Shrek if you will." I LOVED that.. lol.. it was actually funny because it was all adults and we laughed and enjoyed the movie. So my date wound up being a 5 hour date, complete with a simple, nice kiss goodnight. One thing I realized is that I just want to take things slow and I want to take my time, just have a lot of fun and not rush into any new relationship. I still feel like I'm still closing everything on the last one, so I'm gonna go on the sloooooooooooow roll with dating.

Ladies, I must say, it was NICE, so NICE to feel like and be treated like... a lady. It was nice to sit across from someone who didn't have a cell phone out the whole time! LOL! It was nice to have a great conversation, to feel appreciated and to be paid a few nice compliments that were sincere. : ) I felt like air. Very very very nice first date.

Please, please please let my hickdar be fixed!!

If you've read about my adventures dating men from the south, I have NO hickdar, no ability to spot a bonified HICK in this area of the world, though they lurk...everywhere, particularly this weekend with the Nascar race (Hickfest 2010). Literally EVERY guy I've met online who is from the south has been a hick. Recall - one told me that a chador-dressed Muslim was probably a "terrorist" at Carowinds amusement park. Another slapped my calf like I was a thoroughbred and laughed like a nut. Another told me my titties looked nice in my top. Seriously. What is up with the south?

So here I've met a new southern gent, although the "gent" part remains to be seen (please, please, be merciful!). His name - *Sean and he's a little older (46), but has a KILLER smile and seems very my type. Our first conversation lasted over an hour & 1/2 and he even called me again tonight, though I cut it a little short after 20 minutes. One rule of dating for me - don't talk TOO much before the date. Leave stuff to talk about ON the date. Also, I often find you can invest HOURS of talk time only to meet and fizzzzzzzzzzle... no spark. But he invited me to dinner, I agreed, so here we go again.

I'm praying for no hick-ness. No nickname of "jimbo" or "skeeter". No slapping of my body parts. No admiration of my body parts. Well, admiration, just no outward comment. I've just had bad luck finding a guy from the south with CLASS... that's the word. They have manners, but manners & class are too different things. Manners include saying "please" "thank you" and "ma'am" and "sir".

But class has to do with the things that you CHOOSE to let fly from your mouth. Such as "Ma'am, you have some incredible titties, girl! Please let me rub my little Jimbo on them" Very polite. Completely classless. See my issue?

1st date back but "eh"

So had my first date back in the scene. Lemme tell you, I MISS having a relationship!!! UGH, but I also know that this is what I have to go through (again) to find that loving relationship I really want. I don't think I was really at my best on the date - meaning, I was hopeful, but I was also kinda "eh" about the whole thing, but felt like I needed to get back out there. Had a great conversation with *Glen on the phone, and he's VERY my type on paper, but I'm not sure if the sparks were there. He's a bit older than I - 11 years, and that might be the problem. We're kinda in different places in life. But ya know, 1st dates are often awkward. I just didn't get that "fun" sense of humor that I think is so crucial. I think the WORST offense of the night though was the cell-phone checking. I get that you have kids and you need to check messages, but then also checking for messages from work, constantly.... NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Put the phone away. Then he wanted to show me all these apps on his iphone. Snooooooooozzzzzzzzzzzzzze. He showed me a level, and then some other ones I can't remember because I was sleeping and talking at the same time. LOL.. I had IMMEDIATE red flags because my ex was a phone-o-holic and it used to drive me INSANE. (sigh) The worst part is he kept saying, "I know this is rude but..." Yeah, you're right. It IS rude!!! UGH..

I'm not enjoying dating. I'm hoping I'll meet a guy soon who will change my mind about that!

Beware of "The EX BOMB"!!

You KNOW the ex bomb.

It's frightening...

It lurks every day after your breakup...

It arrives when you least expect it...

The scenario: You've been broken up for a while. You're moving on. You're feeling pretty sassy. Lost the 15 lbs you ate in chocolate after your breakup. You're healthier, happier and suddenly... you relax. That's when the bomb arrives.

Yes, friends - It happened yesterday. I was email bombed by my ex, Hal.

Now, the relationship didn't end well. Basically, I was fed up with his shit. Over 3 months we went from him loving me so much he wanted to fly me home 3-days early over Christmas break to him not caring if he saw me after being away 9 days and needing his "alone" time. Well he has all the ALONE time he can handle right now, doesn't he? Anyway, things didn't end happily. I finally found my balls (I had lost them, found em' hiding on a shelf) and told him to go sort out his life and BE ALONE if that's what he wants because I want a full-time ADULT relationship and the childish games are over. (You're proud of me just reading this aren't you?) So weeks have gone by and then came.. the email bomb:

Hal: "I am still sorry I sent that to your work email. I was just wondering if you heard anything about the layoffs and if you were affected. I have *my daughter next week for 10 days. *My ex-wife is moving down here in June so this will be easier."

BOMB!!!!!!!!!! Damn it. You stare at the bomb. You can't believe you have one. It happens when you least expect it and it's so innocent looking. It's right there - OMG.. LOOK at the bomb!!! You wring your hands. You wipe the sweat off your brow. You calm down and contemplate your choices:

A - Ignore the bomb and delete it
B - Watch the bomb tick in the inbox of your email and drive you insane. Analyze the bomb with other girlfriends.
C - Detonate the bomb by replying back

I chose a B/C combo because I'm clearly an idiot.

My reply: "Well the email is the LEAST of what you should be sorry for over the past few months, but hey, I'll take what I can get. No, I didn't get laid off this year, so YEAH..good news. I've had bigger things to worry about though with my dad's surgery (he's fine). I'm glad you'll have your daughter, that's awesome for you, and her being closer can only be a good thing for all of you."

(Sigh).. the bombing is becoming like freakin' Iraq now, more and more bombs... His reply: "I am not sure what you are talking about there... I didn't do anything. I know you have accused me of messing around which is not true. So I guess I am sorry that you feel that way about me. Well I am glad you didn't get laid off and that your dad is fine. I hope everything is ok."

Now, after receiving THAT bomb, my anger went through the roof of course "I didn't do anything"??? SERIOUSLY???? I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING?? Did you really just say that to me?? And then I realize what an idiot I am and that ignoring and deleting the bomb would've been the smartest choice, because children are children and will never realize the error of their ways until they grow up.

My final reply: "No need to rehash anything, we just don't envision the same kind of relationship that we want to be in, clearly. Thanks for the concern about my dad & job. Have tons of fun with your daughter and I'm glad things are working out for you."

General resolution? WASTE OF TIME, because he's learned nothing and me - I'm done teaching lessons for the day.

Now, ex bombs arrive in MANY different packages, so please be wary. One Christmas-card bombed me once. That's the after-several-years-bomb with a pleasant, "Hey Merry Christmas, gimme a call sometime" bomb enclosed. I detonated that one too only to find out he was still married and flirting. See? Do not detonate!

Please feel free to comment on your own "bombs"...