I've met someone. : ) I know, I know, everyone shall now say, "Oh no more fun dating stories. Boo!" Oh Boo to you! : ) I still think there will be stories, but now, I'll have to shift to relationship tidbits and stories. It should be funny, because really, it's been a while since I've been in a relationship and most of those sucked. So far, this one is amazing, but I promise - I won't post mushy stuff that will make you puke. Much.
The worst part? I must call him Hal* (again, no he's not shallow) because I can't think of another "H" name besides Harold or Howard, and those are not hot names (his real name IS hot though).
Anyway, Hal is kind and thoughtful, honest and sexy all rolled into one. I'm a lucky girl.
Now I must address an email from Dawn, er Natasha. If this is what relationships are like, I'm seriously, seriously screwed.
Question #1 – Why do men need reading material to drop a deuce??? I don’t know about you, but when I have to take the Browns to the Super Bowl, I don’t need reading material. Does it relax them; which makes it easier? Do they have really short attention spans and they need something to do??? All I know is when I need to go, I do the deed and wipe my ass. The end.
Answer: This is the only area where guys actually need a distraction to get something done. It's the only place they CAN multitask, so they take advantage of it. In contrast, this is the only quiet moment that a woman has, so she enjoys the peace & quiet and gets the job done. She multitasks the entire rest of her life. Venus... meet Mars.
Question #2 – Why is hunting considered fun??? These people wake up at the ass crack of dawn, pile on layers of smelly clothing(they don’t wash these clothes all season), walk a half mile to their tree stands (sometimes walking thru heavy snow), climb a tree in the dark and sit there freezing their balls off waiting and hoping deer will appear. If they are “lucky” enough to shoot a deer, most of the time the deer runs and you need to track it. Once you find the deer, you have to drag the bloody, 100 lb+ deer through the woods back to where you are staying. Once you get the thing back, you have to hang it and gut it. Sounds like a fabulous time to me!!!!!!
Answer: Agreed. But then again, the same describes me the last time Macy's had their 1/2 off shoe sale. Just replace the word "deer" with "patent leather Mary Jane's"
Question #3 – Why do guys blow their nose in the shower??? This drives me insane. Can they not wait till they get out and blow their nose in tissue like normal people??? If they are blowing their nose in there, what other disgusting things are they doing???
Answer: That's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard. I think it goes along with Hershey marks in the underwear. I mean, really how lazy do you have to be not to wipe your own ass? Although I do know a female or two who has peed in a shower. I mean, not me. I'm a fuckin' lady.
Question #4 – When men take showers, why do they leave hair on the soap??? I’m not a big fan of using bar soap, but most guys do and I can’t help but notice all the freakin hair they leave on the soap. Do they not see the hairs??? Do they think us ladies find that sexy??? Sorry, but we don’t. Hairy men gross me out. It makes me want to throw up. I don’t know what part of your body those hairs came from. Were you scrubbing your crotch with it cuz that is the first thing I think of. That is just plain nasty. Just stop it!
Answer: Simple. He is an animal marking his territory. He figures if you meet some other guy, that guy might come over and shower (yeah, that could happen), he'll see that hair and realize that he's in the lair of an enemy beast who has hair, a sign of male verility and that if his not-as-verile ass doesn't get out of there soon, that wild wildebeast will tear his eyebrows out through his asshole. It's a pretty clear message.
