"Glamour Shots!" & "The Pirate"

I don't think that my friends TRULY understand how difficult dating is, particularly in the south, so I've decided to include a montage of photos featuring some of my favorites I've found in my online dating experience lately. Perhaps one day, one of these people will stumble upon this blog, but I hope that the understanding is this - my hope is to show you the error of your ways. I feel it is now my duty to educate the masses!! With that, my first beef - Glamour shots. You know, those cheesy mall photos of the 80's with the "fuzzy" picture appeal and ridiculously posed photos that wound up making you look, well, stupid? Hmmm.. so why would you use those photos as your profile pictures? Especially multiples of them side by side? I mean, take them one by one. Photo 1 - the "over the shoulder" jean jacket? Really? Has a man appropriately WORN a jean jacket since 1985 unless his name is Steve Perry? And then the next, with the white stool.. hello senior photo. Do you suppose we think you were naturally walking by a white backdrop thinking "Oh look! A white stool!" Click. How natural you look! Now this 3rd fellow went with the Glamour shots and chose the "denim shirt/leather jacket" look for his 1st appealing photo. Perhaps his motivation was David Hasselhoff? And who DOESN'T want to bone the HOFF? Nothing says sexy like the David Hasselhoff look. I only wish that this single gent had left a few buttons undone so I could see that oh-so-sexy chest forest. What woman can POSSIBLY resist? And if you have any qualms, please check out the oh-so-overboard tuxedo look. Is that James Bond or my new husband? I can't decide. But then if the Glamour Shots aren't for you, no worries, because this Glamour-shot man is secretly a pirate!! Yes indeed, he dresses as a pirate on his off days, perhaps when he's not out in his tuxedo or rushing around in his Kitt trans am.

Ladies... meet Douchey Von Weirdo!

My latest eharmony psycho... and YES, I'm convinced that eharm is NOTHING but psychos, has garnered the moniker "Douchey von Weirdo".. so Mr. Weirdo, or Douchey as I like to call him is a nurse. This man is delivering meds and helping sick people, which is frightening. Then again, he is a nurse in an adolescent psychiatric ward. Maybe he's taking his work home with him?

So Douchey and I start with the back-and-forth communication. Ok.. good.

Then it's the open communication. Ok..good.

Then we get to the phone calls & our first phone conversation is fantastic. Ok...good.

We agree to meet on Sunday, which leaves oh... 4 days for this asswipe to mess it up with his stupid text messages. Enter...the land of psycho where men like Douchey send text messages straight out of the Norman Bates files.

First text that started to annoy me: "How was your day princess?"

Um... princess? Okay, before I'm accused of being heartless, keep this one thing in mind - I'VE. NEVER. MET. THIS. GUY. You don't use terms of endearment for people you don't know. And frankly, I've never even really been one to use them in relationships. I think "babe" is about the most creative I get. And princess? That term does NOT fit me, but I let the princess comment go...for now.

But everything he starts asking is physical - he asks me for more pictures, even though I have EIGHT on my profile. Why would you need or want more pictures?

Then the weirder messages started like, "Are you going to dress casual or sexy on our date?" Um.. you'll find out? "Do you like to snuggle?" Uh sure, great fabric softener. "What are your tender spots?" Tender spots? Well actually, the back of my ankle hurts. Oh wait. He means "turn-on" spots. Um... again, we've never met, to which I tell him that guys will find that out IN DUE TIME.

Then he asks if I'm a good kisser. DUH. Does anyone NOT think they are a good kisser? But more importantly, WHY ARE YOU ASKING? I made it abundantly clear in our communications that I wasn't looking to "hook up" and yet all he does is ask questions that someone looking to hook up would ask.

So after about 3 "princesses" and the "tender spots" comes my my personal favorite creeper question: "Do you have pretty hands and feet?" (EWWWWWWWWW!). I question if he has a fetish and he tells me "Yes! Pretty hands and feet do it for me." I'm speechless. I change the subject. The next day, his stupid texts continue, so now IT IS ON!! I decide to mess with him.

Douchey: You are a good kisser?

Me: The lucky ones find out.

Douchey: You're fresh.

Me: Like lettuce?

(I mean seriously, has anyone used the term 'fresh' since 1992 ... 'Yo holmes to Bel Air!' Fresh Prince variety?)

Douchey: No!! Just fresh!

Me: No.. I'm what they call 'cheeky'

Douchey: No.. fresh.

(And now I've got Kool & the Gang in my head: "She's fresh, so fresh! Exciting! She's so inviting to me....)

Me: Well fresh things are good for people.

Douchey: Yes they are princess (Barf. This about the 4th time he's called me princess. I decide if he can call me princess, then I can come up with a 'pet' name for him as well. Hmmm.. king? No.. too old sounding. Prince? Uh.. too Disney... Duke? No, that's like the university... Wait... I think I got it.....)

Me: Indeed you are correct, Captain!

(What? I mean.. captain? Oh Captain, my captain? LOL.. I am SUCH a smart ass.. this can't be good)

Douchey: Send me a picture to my phone so I can see that beautiful smile again. (no reply to the captain comment, by the way)

(Sigh.. okay, at this point, I'm pissed with the picture requests. Seriously. You've seen me)

Me: The picture-sending portion of this program has concluded. Meaning... I have no makeup on, I look like crap, and you have 10 pics of me at your disposal.

Douchey: Stop it! I'm bringing my camera. Get ready for the photo shoot.

(Uh... WHAT? Are you kidding me? Okay, at this point, I DO think he's joking, but there is this other side of me who envisions him posing us for a photo with matching sweaters for his holiday cards, maybe with antler head bands and red noses. Weirdo. Time to f*&k with him some more...)

Me: Uh, no. I don't do photos unless it's for cash.

Douchey: So do you dress up and dance?

Me: (changing subject) So what are the 3 top things you look for? in a woman?

Douchey: 1 - Ability to hold a conversation 2 - Affectionate 3 - Can be just as comfortable with silence.

Me: Darn. I came so close. Too bad I'm an uptight, no sense-of-humor-having bitch. Otherwise, I'm in!

Douchey: Yes you are (Ooooh, so he DOES detect my sarcasm?) I wonder what your hugs are like.

(okay.. did he just SAY that? 'I wonder what your HUGS are like?' Are there different styles of hugging now? Do I need to learn how to hug a certain way to know what kind of hugging is GOOD hugging? What's bad hugging? Like that awkward way you hug someone in middle school and don't know where to put your hands? I mean, would you break up with someone for being a bad... hugger?)

Me: All in good time...

Okay, that pretty much did it and I haven't texted Douchey and he hasn't texted me. My gut tells me that he gave up. Did he think I would change my "NO HOOK UP" stance when I told him, right from the start that wasn't me? Or is he one of these guys that has NO social skills and gives off the creeper vibe? Whatever it is... I am glad Mr. Von Weirdo is gone.

Dating sucks this week.

Just don't LOOOOVE your pets, guys!

Um... there really are no words for this one. Okay guys, WHAT are you thinking when you post a picture like this as your MAIN picture on your profile on a dating site? Are you thinking that the ladies will LOVE your oh-so-stylish German Shepherd shirt? Seriously? This is about one step away from the now infamous 3 wolves shirt that became a hit on Amazon.com. But this my friends is scarier because this guy is NOT kidding. His profile mentions that his family loves German Sheperds. Really? I never would have guessed...

And I might add, in addition to this fab photo, there were 3 others... of the dog, 3 of this fine fellow, but 3 of the dog too. Am I going to date you or your dog? Are you thinking the ladies will see this and SWOON over your dog-loving nature? Think you're the sensitive man with the cute doggie shirt? Does he think this is REMOTELY attractive? If your main picture is supposed to show you in your BEST light, am I to expect that we will be sitting across from each other and as we enjoy a nice drink or a light meal I get to stare at... that dog shirt?

The truth is, we see this and think, "This is a guy who is WAY too into his dog." And that's just weird. Now you know why you are single. Hope you and the dog will be very happy.

On a positive note.. have a new date I'm actually excited about (no animal photos in his profile - yeah). We'll call him *Sam. Sam is a fellow teacher and we hit it off on the phone. Hoping the chemistry continues tomorrow night...

Two dates, Two duds.

Yikes, it's been a scary week. 1st up was my date with *Rob. Now Rob sounded promising - good career (cop), another "good on paper" kind of guy. Now, I'm back on Eharmony AND Match at the same time, cuz a girl's gotta keep her options going, right? Well if you're familiar with Eharmony, there is a back-and-forth question/answer period and I was a bit concerned when Rob asked me "What are your opinions on traditional gender roles?" It seemed like an odd question for a guy to ask. I actually choose that question because I definitely want a guy who is supportive of my career. When I asked him about it later he talked about how he was totally fine with a woman working, etc. Okay, gave him the benefit of the doubt.

So we decide to do my standard Starbucks meeting. He shows up looking like he rolled right out of bed. Hoodie sweatshirt, wrinkled baggy khakis and his eyes were red... like looked like he was drunk red. WTF?? The conversation was actually pretty good, so I decide - give him a chance. He's a cop, maybe he worked some long hours? Who knows? We decide we are going to meet up and play tennis about 4 days later. In the meantime, we engage in some phone conversations that basically made this go from potential to "OH HELL NO" in 2 phone calls.

I asked him if he wanted to bet on dinner playing tennis - that loser had to cook dinner sometime in the future and he said, "Well I don't cook". You're 31 and you don't cook? WTH? I said, "Well fine you can take me out" and he says "Yeah, but I'm a poor cop." Uh.. well dating sort of involves... going out. But then he says, well let's not play tennis and basically says, SERIOUSLY to me, "Well how about I come over Thursday and you can cook me dinner." Um.. no. Seriously? SERIOUSLY? He hasn't even taken me out yet. He kept saying "I'm a poor cop". Yeah.. NEXT. If you have no money, don't date. I don't mean it wrong, but we don't have to go to the fanciest places, but you should be able to take a girl out for dinner, ya know? I don't make the most money and have a job that pays comparable to what he makes, so WTH? Damn it. Then he started texting me at 11pm at night.. stuff that was too racy and I gave him the heave-ho.

Next up was *Adam. This dude tells me on the phone how he's in school and really motivated, blah blah blah. Met in person (another coffee house meeting) and he tells me he's only in community college, taking 090 classes (um... those are high school classes) that he didn't do well in school and partied too much and that he's only taking 8 credit hours because "what's the rush?" Well, you're 28 dude. It's time to get your shit together.

(Sigh).. My luck just sucks right now. I would think that there would be a guy on my level out there. I don't ask for anything more than what I have in myself - successful, motivated, well-mannered, educated, etc... I'm beginning to think he does NOT exist!!

Uh huh.

Conversation. It's a wonderful thing.

I just wish my recent date had learned how to engage in it. What I don't understand in life...jelly shoes, why people love Kathy Lee Gifford and how some guys acquire NO social skills in life.

Seriously, how do you NOT learn how conversation is attained. I talk. You listen and reply and perhaps add witty comments and ask questions. I listen and respond to what you say and perhaps add more and ask questions. You listen and reply in turn.

Simple right? Unless you are out with *Jay. Listen, Jay planned a GREAT date, don't get me wrong. I mean, how wrong can you be taking someone to the ballet? But you can't mask lack of personality with guys in tights, as entertaining as that was for 2 hours.

No, Jay has no social skills. Here is a snippet of what it's like to talk to Jay:

Me: "So how was work today?"

Jay: "It was good."

Silence...

Me: "Yeah my day was pretty busy. Something funny did..."

Jay: "Uh-huh"

Me: "Um... did happen today at work. I was in the middle of..."

Jay: "Uh-huh"

Me: "middle of class and one of my students raised his hand and..."

Jay: "Uh-huh"

Okay. WTF dude. Stop saying UH HUH!!! At least know that "uh huhs" are placed at intervals where there are PAUSES in conversation, not in the MIDDLE of sentences! Then when I finish, it's like he wasn't even listening and doesn't comment on what I said or respond to it in any way. He starts talking about something else entirely or there is just silence. It's like in Wayne's World 2 when Wayne & Garth are talking to the deejay about "Waynestock" and he isn't listening, and just keeps saying, "Uh-huh". THAT is Jay.

Then there are these horrible awkward silences. Tonight he calls me on the phone.

Jay: "What are you doing?" (a question, I'm impressed)

Me: "Watching something incredibly intellectual... Jersey Shore"

Silence.

Jay: "Yeah I was just finishing doing some cleaning."

Wow. You don't say.

I think the problem is, he doesn't listen to what I'm saying, so it comes across like he doesn't care. I think the guy is painfully shy & nervous, and ya know what though, at the age of 40.. you should have your shit together dude. I don't mean to sound so mean, but how do you manage 40 years on earth and not be able to hold a conversation? How did you ever get hired from a job interview? It's sad, because I think he's a nice guy, but I think he just lacks some skills, ya know? And at my age, I don't want to have to teach you. Too bad. Back to the dating pool we go.

Have a plan dude.

First my apologies for my lack of posting. Hasn't been a lack of dating...I took myself off the market for a little bit because I'm working 3 jobs. Had 2 dates, both boring as all hell. Yeah, a girl's gotta date, but a girl's gotta' pay the bills first.

With that said, I'm back out there now!! Tonight will be a new date with *Jay.

Not sure how to look at this. There is a cynical part of me that's in bitter mode over dating lately. I'm at that point where I get sick of the first date ritual. I'm not a country fan, but the song, "Did I Shave My Legs For This?" pretty well sums it up.

Jay... well maybe I'm being a little crestfallen after my last 2 dates (duds)... both old, boring fellows posting 10 year old pictures! UGH...But Jay is from the south, and I have to admit, my hickdar is beeping, a little. But it remains to be seen whether that's just his accent, or... HE'S A HICK, and I should run to the hills. The main issue - conversation with him is BOR-ING on the phone. But ladies, I'm sticking to the date because everyone keeps justifying this: "Maybe he's just nervous." "Maybe he's not a good phone talker." Hmmm.. or maybe he's... boring?

But I will give the benefit of the doubt and I'm meeting him for coffee. I dodged the dinner bullet on this, but really, he didn't give me much choice. I'm the one who had to plan this, and I HATE HATE HATE having to take the upper hand on a first date. It makes me feel like I'll have to do this all the time, and I like a "man's man" who takes charge (read between the lines on that one, but guys should know... ladies believe this translates EVERYWHERE). I like a guy who says, "Can I take you out to dinner, or would you like to ...." Here's more our phone convo:

Me: "So would you still like to go out tonight?"

Him: "yeah, they would be great."

Silence......

Me: "So um... what did you have in mind."

Him: "Um... I'm not really sure...."

Silence....

Me: "Well how about we meet for coffee or a drink?"

Him: "yeah sure, that sounds good."

Silence....

Me: "Okay, well how about we meet at..."

And of course I give the place and time. Again, giving the benefit of the doubt, perhaps he's new to online dating and he figures I'll be more comfortable if I make the date (justifying...again). Or... maybe he's BORING. I'll give you one guess how excited I am about this date.... (sigh)... But I promise to be my awesome, shining, shaved-leg and all self because I'm certainly going to put the best ME out there. I just hope his best is better than what I've heard so far.

Why breakups sucky sucky long time.

I broke up with *Hal months ago, but really finally said "goodbye" for good just about a month ago, and here's what I realize...there is nothing worse than being female and the after-effects of a breakup.

Why?

Because he's just a boy. He don't understand.

What would we do without Beyonce? I'm just sayin'...

Being a female SUCKS because of hormones and emotions and all that shit, because what happens? Those feelings creep back in, because I LOVED him. But what hurts the most? Realizing, finally, that he doesn't and probably never did love me. There, I said it. Sucky sucky.

And that's the hardest message of all to receive, and finally accept, as I'm FINALLY doing. He didn't love me, at least, not in the way I deserved and really, fuck it, that fucker loved his cat and treated that cat better than me. It certainly received more attention. (Deep breath...focus)

But what can you do to stop that person you loved from creeping into your thoughts? You see other couples holding hands. Your mind starts to wander and the WORST feeling of all is envisioning him with another girl. That's the dagger through the heart right there, thinking of him loving someone else more/better/etc. (Insert psycho thoughts....)

But then I'm also realizing one important point about my breakup. I did the right thing. No matter how I over-analyze this in my girl brain. No matter how many times I sit and want to call or email him or text him and shake him back and forth and say, "LOVE ME THE WAY I DESERVED!!!" (Can't I indulge in one or two psycho thoughts?) I can't force him. And he doesn't. So there it is. I did the right thing because he didn't love me. Had I continued, I might have wasted years just settling for something that wasn't everything I know I deserve.

What I deserve: A man who misses me when I'm gone. Who holds me and doesn't think about his phone. Who puts me as a priority every day (or heck, at least every few days). Who values what's wonderful about me - my kind heart, my thoughtfulness and my compassion and doesn't take advantage of that. I deserve someone who LOVES me and really understands me. I deserve someone who loves me as much as I love him.

I'm willing to sacrifice being alone to get it. Why? Because I love myself and I value myself. I don't find my worth in a man. I don't determine how I feel about myself every day because of how HE makes me feel. And most importantly, I follow my own cardinal rule - I DO NOT chase boys. If a boy ain't chasin' you back - he doesn't care about you. And finally, it's time to just give it up, completely, and I think that was the hardest part for me, because once I find that new guy, that amazing guy, Hal will be forgotten. And damn it...sometimes it's hard to let go (really, this is the makings of a GREAT country song, dontcha think?)

On a bright note, I've met another southern guy on Match, so we'll see how this goes when I return to NC and we can go out on a date. That'll be at least a week, so hold onto your britches till then. LOL.. summer vacation has been interesting too!! LOL.. being home in Michigan has brought back... lots of er... people from the past. Will write more later though.

Real boys do not sparkle... oh the Twilight effect!

In honor of the release of Eclipse, I've decided to blog about the whole franchise. I thought the books and the movies were ok (though Eclipse I thought was the best one). My beef is, teenagers are eating this crap up, expecting guys to REALLY talk and act like this. Isn't this the problem with Hollywood? We're fed this picture of what love "is" and when Edward Cullen doesn't arrive, we're completely deflated and bummed. So listen up, because I have 35 years of knowledge under my belt and I'm going to give you the REAL lowdown on men.

Men are not sparkly (I've looked), nor do they speak in the hopeless romantic dialogue of this movie. They do not sit in flowery fields reading poetry with you, lightly brushing your hair from your face, endlessly staring into your eyes, trading kisses, hugging and caressing each other's lips in the sparkly sunlight. Unless there's the promise of a blow job in that field (or a ball game)...it's not gonna happen.

In real life, Edward is refusing to sleep with Bella because he's secretly gay (or boning someone on the side). The suffering victim of unrequited love, Jacob, would bone Bella's friends in her high school to make her jealous. Or get some skanky girlfriend off the reservation because that's the quickest way to overcome those feelings. Bella would get pissed that Edward won't sleep with her and go and bitch to all her friends in school who would spread gay rumors. Then Edward would HAVE to sleep with her to prove his non-gayhood. Bella's friends would be talking MAJOR shit about how controlling Edward's behavior is (hi, STALKER!) and one of them would go to the school counselor. Oh, and they'd probably say the whole family is a bunch of alcoholics based on the red/yellow eyes and they would stage an intervention and have them all on the A&E show pleading with them to get help.

Nope, men are just men. They like to smell something disgusting and say, "Here... smell this." They like sports and to smack the tops of door frames when they walk through them. They are pretty simple - they like you, they call you. They don't, they'll still try to have sex with you, but they won't call you except for that. Now, don't get me wrong, yes men DO fall in love and when they do, it's the little things - buying your favorite things, helping you fix things around the house, and maybe the occasional flower-buying. Those gestures ARE romance and ladies, if you're expecting him to recite love poems and to gaze longingly at you 24/7, well, you're going to be sorely disappointed when football season rolls around, because the only thing he'll longingly gaze at is the TV. But that's men, God love em'.

Now, in honor of my Twilight-ish renaissance, I've decided to translate some "lines" from the movie (some are real, some are close), just so you REALLY know how this would go down in real life:

Edward:"Bella, you have captured my heart and my very soul. My world is nothing without you."
Real life: (Staring at her boobs) "You. Are. HOT."

Jacob: "Don't chose him. Choose me. I can make you blissfully, sublimly happy."
Real life: "That dude...is a douche."

Edward: "I have no soul. You have something that once it's gone can never be returned. I value your soul, even if you don't."
Real life: This would totally be some shit a guy would say to get you into bed, sorta like the "Of course I'll still respect you" line.

Edward: "Isabella Swan, I promise to love you forever - every single day of forever."
Real life: "Yeah, yeah...I promise to love you forever. Yes, forever. And ever. And ever... oh look at that girl! Hey girl... my name is Ed what's yours? I got some um... oral skills I'd like to show you."

Jacob: "You wouldn't have to change for me Bella. I'm in love with you and I want you to pick me instead of him."
Real life: "That guy is a douche."

Edward: "I'll protect you no matter what."
Real life: "I'll protect you, unless the game is on, cause you know... that's kinda important."

Edward: "Sleep my Bella. Dream happy dreams. You're the only one who has ever touched my heart. It will always be yours. Sleep, my only love."
Real life: (I'm sorry, I'm off puking in a corner).

Sigh... isn't love grand?

Male Fashion Mistakes.. and NO! NOT you Tom Brady!

Isn't Tom hot? Ah.. I love this pic (thanks Google images!) I will admit, I'm kind of rigid when it comes to certain rules I have about guy's clothes. And I understand that women are the species who spend much more time on style and fashion. But is it really that difficult, guys? Shouldn't guys care a LITTLE about this stuff? At least for us? I mean, I've pretended to care about the golf swing of Phil Mickelson, which pitcher has a better ERA (see?), the new tool on sale at Sears, and the latest Best Buy guy gadget sale (yeah.. SEE?). I once stood in line for 2 hours at Best Buy while my boyfriend figured out which humongous over-the-top flat screen TV to buy. C'mon! Can I get maybe 15 minutes of thought in the fashion department? Khakis and a decent shirt can go a LONG way. The sad thing is all of the following are fashion crimes I have personally witnessed on dates. It's time to pull out your badges ladies... tell me what crimes YOU'VE personally witnessed!

I know some people LOVE certain looks, but um.. not me. And it's my blog. haha!

1. Never..EVER..Wear jeans with tennis shoes. Unless you are extensively walking a theme park, this look says old person. Sorry, I know some of my friends do this regularly. Don't worry, I would never make fun of you to your face. My momma raised me right.


2. No jean shorts. Ever.


3. No shells around your neck. Pooka shells or whatever you call them scream Jersey Shore a-hole.


4. Crappy t-shirts that look like they were very popular... in 1989. And I'm not talking vintage. I'm talking shirts you've BEEN wearing for the past 20 years.


5. Camouflage anything (see my legendary hick dates). Unless you're going to hunt on a date with me... um, no.


6. Bandannas. See Bret Michaels. Hide your hair plugs in other creative ways.


7. Ed Hardy shirts. I say, just wear a shirt that says, "I'm a douche who would sleep with your sister." See Jon Gosseling and Jesse James.


8. Your old football jersey. You're not in high school. Get over it. I'm convinced it's a secret ploy to get me in a cheerleading uniform anyway, ya perv...


9. Gold chains. Ya know.. necklaces on guys in general I'm just not digging, but lately at the pool it's been guidos with gold link chains on. Mr. T wants his look back. I pity da' foo who wears this crap.


10. Clipped on gadgets. I get that you love your gadgets, but leave em' off your ensemble. What this says to me: I'm a self-important jerk-off and probably will check my phone 20,000 times on our date.

BONUS: Okay, this isn't really clothing, but my latest beef? Guys in their 20's, 30's and beyond donning Justin Bieber hair. Has anyone seen Tom Brady lately? He Bieber'd his hair!!! Never has a guy made me lose a boner faster. See before/after pics above and you be the judge.

The power of the blonde?

The blonde is pretty incredible... I gotta say.

Here's what my first couple days as a blonde taught me:

1. Blonde renders men stupid, not the reverse. So stupid they don't read the requirements on my Match profile, so they don't see I won't date a smoker or someone without an education. Hence the email I received about 10 minutes after posting the new blonde pic:

Title: "Hi you are a pritty woman" (does anyone else just HEAR the banjo music?)
Email: "Well this is me and I LIKE A WOMAN that knows what she wants and I'm a out doors person love hunting, fishing, hicking, and takeing long walks with someone I care about"

Really dude? Why are you yelling the "I LIKE A WOMAN part? Latent gay feelings and want to clarify your sexual preference? And Hicking? Really... HICKING? Nuf' said...

2. Blonde = bar magnet. Okay, this one can be good and not so good. My first trip to the bar last night and the blonde is like a magnet for drinking dudes. Good if you're the type of blonde looking for action in a bar. Not so good if you're me (no, I'm not the action in the bar type. Well, not now anyway... haha).

First guy - "Wow, you're gorgeous" (note the blonde took me from "cute" to gorgeous).
Second guy - "Hey blondie"... (now I get another nickname)

Both were buying the drinks too. : )

So in conclusion, this blonde gig COULD be a money maker if the guys are willing to buy all my drinks, I mean, hell, the cost of going blonde is going to pay for itself... : )

Perhaps the downside is going to be the whole "They want to sleep with a Marilyn, but they marry the Jackie" curse. Who knows? At this point... who cares?

Blonde - FUN FUN FUN!!!

Thanks Kesha for the inspiration...

Yes, ladies, my love life can be summed up as blah, blah, blah (thanks Kesha)... still, I have to admit, things have been weird lately. I haven't felt like dating. (GASP) I know. Been in a wee bit of a funk, sorta down. So I took myself off the match.com market for about a week. Now I'm back on. Why? What magically gave me an epiphany and made me see the light? What force gave me the power to see a happy future, to envision a world where all that is dating is well and good? What powerful entity made me believe in myself and gave me the foresight of a better future and a wonderful tomorrow?


My hair bangin' stylist Stephanie (holla' girl.. just holla!).


She blondified me. I mean, I'm freakin' blonde-beyond-belief. I love it. It's given me a new identity, a new way to look at myself. At first I was thinking, "Whoa! Holly Madison!" (shut up, the hair not the body bitches), but then I realized that why not? Why not step outside of the box and live LIKE Holly, ya know, without the fake boobs, size 2 and Hugh Heffner-like sugar daddy (although with my financial situation, that does seem appealing). I mean, just be sassy and flirty and everything a blonde SHOULD be, mixed in with my awesome personality, ladies I can TOTALLY pull this off. And if I can't? If life over the next 6 weeks doesn't live up to expectation, well guess what? Color can be reversed!


I encourage more women to step outside of the "hair color" box. I know so many people who say "I'd love to be a blonde!" (insert red-head, brunette, pink highlights, whatever) but they never do it. It's amazing what a little trip to a bangin' hair stylist will do for the ego. Right now, I'm gonna honor the true blondes and use THEIR confidence, because that's what's been damaged by my last relationship. So here's to Marilyn and Holly and Gwenyth (Stefani and Paltrow!), Reese (and can I just PRAY to get a Gyllenhaall...yeah right), Cherize, and Carrie (Underwood). Those ladies rock the blonde and I will too!

As a blonde, I vow NOT to make mistakes of some other blondes. I will NOT:

• Show my goodies while getting in/out of a car (no Brittany, you can't blame your bodyguard)
• Flip off the Yankees (unless they are playing the Tigers... thanks Gaga)
• Pretend I don't know what Walmart is (yeah Paris)
• Do anything Heidi Pratt does

Next up in the project Me tales, try a new class...cardio Funk. Can I be funky? I mean, the type that doesn't require not showering, cuz that's a funky I can't get on board with. Can I bring the Detroit funk to a Charlotte gym? Let's hope. I mean, without the gang affiliations and tricked out hooptie.

Sage advice from someone married 46 years..

Namely my mom, who is visiting this week.

No one wants to buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.

Girls don't chase boys. Boys chase them.

But there's something I have to tell you about mom. She has little dating experience, and that's true of most couples I know who have been married 30, 40, 50 years. They all married their high school or college sweethearts. My mom met my dad at 15. They married when she was 21, and that was SCANDALOUS because my mom "waited". My dad wanted to get married at 18.

My only beef is with the free milk adage. Here's the problem. Withholding the milk only withholds the milk for you too (ewww, that really went in a bad direction), but you get my drift. The other problem, and I will thank Eddie Murphy for this logic, is that when the guy finally gets the milk he's sooooo excited and can't get enough of the milk.... YEAH!! But then after a while, he's like hmmm... I just have regular milk. In fact, many men will start to think the milk is spoiled or crave other flavors of milk... I mean, why not soy milk? Get my point?

So you tell me, is the adage true? I think you have to properly withhold the milk for a while, but then ya know... make a milk shake. When milkshakes get old, make cheese (ewww..), okay, you get what I mean. Feel free to chime in. Cows/milk/free? I also believe in the adage "don't buy the car without taking it for a testdrive."

I'm WALKIN' HERE!

What to do while waiting for the dating gods to smile on you? Work out. Shop. Read.

This morning I lost an additional pound as the shit was scared out of me by a truck whose driver was NOT paying attention to the fact I was crossing the street. In my mind, I banged on his hood and screamed, "I'm WALKIN' here!!!" ala Ratso himself Dustin Hoffman (Midnight Cowboy). In reality I turned and glared at him and called him a jerk-off...out loud...with my Ipod on. Oops, his window was open. Wow, he seemed pissed.

Off to the greenway, which is a HUGE perk of living in North Carolina (it's miles & miles of paths for hiking, walking, biking), but the downside is that there are toooo many snakes in this state and if anyone knows me they know I'm scared to death of snakes. I've seen 2 on the greenway in the two years I've lived here. A third wrapped itself on the balcony of my apartment about a week after I moved in. I can't think about that, as I refuse to this day to go on my balcony, no matter how lovely it is in October (that's when I tell everyone else in the cold to suck it). So while I jog, my eyes are constantly darting back and forth, back and forth, eyeing the grassline for snakes.

Oh, the other downside of the NC? The heat in the summer. Even at 9:30am it was steaming, literally steaming - YES, steam rising up off the wooden planks of the greenway. I expected to hear a howler monkey any minute and to run across some tribal Amazonian with a bone through his nose shooting poison darts at wayward joggers (hmmm.. potential date?). It's going to be 95 today. With the humidity that's so-hot-your-ass-crack-sweats hot.

I also discovered I have an annoying habit of singing my songs out loud while I jog. I seemed to amuse a few joggers who passed me with my rendition of "Electric Avenue". They seemed less enthused with my rendition of "Me So Horny." Geez...everyone's a critic.

The truth is, the fitness stuff makes me feel good. I've been battling and battling to get off the 20 lbs I gained in my last relationship (it needs to GOOOOOO!) and I go up & down, up & down. I'm down some of those pounds, but still need to keep up the momentum and now that I'm out of school, it's project ME time. What else am I going to do? Watch Real Housewives repeats over & over? And the best part? The exercise pays off. My body is SLAMMIN'... well, underneath a layer of chub that needs to melt off. But damn it, once that happens, it's ON bitches!

Things to do when dating turns sucky

So dating has been a literal DESERT of possibilities, er... non possibilities, so I'm going to focus on all the things I can do to occupy my time now that I'm out of school (yeah, summer!). Everyone envisions that teachers spend their summers on white sand beaches covered in luscious Banana Boat tanning oil, miles & miles from the nearest teenager. Yeah, that's what we WISH we could be doing. In reality I have no money and have to attend training sessions all summer for school, topped with moving in a few weeks. Oh what fun. So with dating being frankly non-existent, I could really use some suggestions on how to keep busy. Of course, a job would make sense, but with said training & moving, it's difficult to secure employment with the caveat, "ah but I can't work these days, these days or these days". Employers LOVE that.

First on my list - my love affair with dairy creamer is on my mind every morning. It's been going on for years, and while in my life I have cut out a lot of "bad" stuff like high fructose corn syrup, this is the one thing in my life that is soooo Brokeback. I just can't quit you Chocolate Chip Creme Brulee creamer!!!

So after my love affair each morning, it might be time to work on my tan. Okay, I only allow about 20 minutes of REAL sun followed by a slathering of SPF. I'm 35 and still look totally 29. I don't want to ruin that (I might also be delusional about that, but oh well, my friends totally agree).

There's also time at the gym, which I refer to as, "Minute by minute agony in which I want to stab little girl running class with pointy objects." Seriously, every time we do those tricep lifts where you heft your entire body off the bench with just your muscles? Let me lift YOUR 102 lbs... no problem. The instructors always seems to focus on me saying, "You can do it!!" in this annoying cheerleader-sorority-ra-ra voice that makes me want to stab more objects in her head. I could do it with a fork lift sweety. Pass me a donut.

Other ways to pass my time besides reading my chick-lit books, mixed with a few popular bestsellers and classics (thus my "well-rounded" literary canon), I'm at a loss. I could accept dates with homeless, vagrant ex-cons (and parolees) just to entertain you folks, but something tells me that's not a good idea. I'm open to suggestions.

In a state of stupidity!

That's all I can surmise.

I went on a 2nd date with Sean* this weekend, and had a GREAT time. We went to an awesome wine festival up in the mountains. It was super duper hot, and drinking the wine... oh that hit me kinda quick, but it was a GREAT fun date : ) Then went to a park with a river afterwards and kinda walked in the water. It was fun! The problem I'm having is that I'm having all these confused feelings. I like Sean, he's sweet and in many ways totally different from my ex - he pays much closer attention to me, not obsessed with phone and ex-wife,etc. He's considerate, opens doors and such, but he's more of a "girl's guy", than a "guy's guy" and I've always gone for the "guy's guy". But then again... I'm still single. Maybe I SHOULD be looking for a different kind of guy. I sense this guy has a really good heart.

The only shallow thing I have to say (and yes, I recognize my shallowness) is.. He wore jean shorts. I will overlook this, but allow me to say, I HATE HATE HATE jean shorts on guys. And white tennis shoes. I hate any jeans with white tennis shoes. It's a personal pet peeve that I will overlook. I promise. And he wore a camouflage army-type drawstring hat at the wine festival. (sigh)...

The things that kind made me wonder are things like him blowing me kisses on the phone and when I walked away to go to the restroom. It was a little tooooo mushy for me. I'm just not that kind a' girl. He was blowing kisses on the phone this past week after our 1st date. I thought it was too much and then when he did it in person it was too much again. There were a few things he said and I was wondering "is he holding back the hick?" (See previous posts with my hick encounters)

So it's still a question mark with this guy. I think the problem is, I'm so new out of my last relationship that I'm questioning and over analyzing everything. He is kind. He is sweet. He's a good guy. I need to focus on that. Take it slow, having fun, getting to know him and just take it from there. : )

It just sucks that I am having a tough time reading this one. I'm usually always "yes" or "no" and with this guy, it's like a great big "I don't know". My friends & family think 1 - I'm still getting over my last relationship and 2 - I'm still a little scared to enter a new relationship.

I don't doubt it. So I think the slow roll.. is the way to go! : )

A lesson on how to do it RIGHT, guys!

Ya know... I was nervous about going out with *Sean since he's from the south & all, but wow - had an INCREDIBLE awesome 1st date! His smile was even better in person.

First things first - he brought me daisies and I LOVE daisies! They are my favorite flower. Simple. Classic. That's me.

Next - he opened doors and was a perfect gentleman. Insisted on paying. Conversation was great and fun... all the elements of a great 1st date. I was smiling the whole time.

It was just nice to have a guy interested in me, wanting to be with me. He told me how pretty I looked and what a great smile I have. I hadn't heard that in a long time, and certainly not much in my last relationship.

What I wasn't used to and what surprised me was that he was very "protective" of me in a nice way. Like walking, he kind of put his hand on my back. It was really sweet. I just wasn't used to it! Isn't that sad? I'm not used to romance!!! So flowers, dinner and then we decided to go listen to live music in this shopping center by me and we sat by a fountain and talked for another hour or so and then decided to see a movie. It was funny because the only thing playing was Shrek at the time we went. I secretly wanted to see it, but didn't want to admit it. And Sean looks at me and says "Okay, I'll see Shrek if you will." I LOVED that.. lol.. it was actually funny because it was all adults and we laughed and enjoyed the movie. So my date wound up being a 5 hour date, complete with a simple, nice kiss goodnight. One thing I realized is that I just want to take things slow and I want to take my time, just have a lot of fun and not rush into any new relationship. I still feel like I'm still closing everything on the last one, so I'm gonna go on the sloooooooooooow roll with dating.

Ladies, I must say, it was NICE, so NICE to feel like and be treated like... a lady. It was nice to sit across from someone who didn't have a cell phone out the whole time! LOL! It was nice to have a great conversation, to feel appreciated and to be paid a few nice compliments that were sincere. : ) I felt like air. Very very very nice first date.

Please, please please let my hickdar be fixed!!

If you've read about my adventures dating men from the south, I have NO hickdar, no ability to spot a bonified HICK in this area of the world, though they lurk...everywhere, particularly this weekend with the Nascar race (Hickfest 2010). Literally EVERY guy I've met online who is from the south has been a hick. Recall - one told me that a chador-dressed Muslim was probably a "terrorist" at Carowinds amusement park. Another slapped my calf like I was a thoroughbred and laughed like a nut. Another told me my titties looked nice in my top. Seriously. What is up with the south?

So here I've met a new southern gent, although the "gent" part remains to be seen (please, please, be merciful!). His name - *Sean and he's a little older (46), but has a KILLER smile and seems very my type. Our first conversation lasted over an hour & 1/2 and he even called me again tonight, though I cut it a little short after 20 minutes. One rule of dating for me - don't talk TOO much before the date. Leave stuff to talk about ON the date. Also, I often find you can invest HOURS of talk time only to meet and fizzzzzzzzzzle... no spark. But he invited me to dinner, I agreed, so here we go again.

I'm praying for no hick-ness. No nickname of "jimbo" or "skeeter". No slapping of my body parts. No admiration of my body parts. Well, admiration, just no outward comment. I've just had bad luck finding a guy from the south with CLASS... that's the word. They have manners, but manners & class are too different things. Manners include saying "please" "thank you" and "ma'am" and "sir".

But class has to do with the things that you CHOOSE to let fly from your mouth. Such as "Ma'am, you have some incredible titties, girl! Please let me rub my little Jimbo on them" Very polite. Completely classless. See my issue?

1st date back but "eh"

So had my first date back in the scene. Lemme tell you, I MISS having a relationship!!! UGH, but I also know that this is what I have to go through (again) to find that loving relationship I really want. I don't think I was really at my best on the date - meaning, I was hopeful, but I was also kinda "eh" about the whole thing, but felt like I needed to get back out there. Had a great conversation with *Glen on the phone, and he's VERY my type on paper, but I'm not sure if the sparks were there. He's a bit older than I - 11 years, and that might be the problem. We're kinda in different places in life. But ya know, 1st dates are often awkward. I just didn't get that "fun" sense of humor that I think is so crucial. I think the WORST offense of the night though was the cell-phone checking. I get that you have kids and you need to check messages, but then also checking for messages from work, constantly.... NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Put the phone away. Then he wanted to show me all these apps on his iphone. Snooooooooozzzzzzzzzzzzzze. He showed me a level, and then some other ones I can't remember because I was sleeping and talking at the same time. LOL.. I had IMMEDIATE red flags because my ex was a phone-o-holic and it used to drive me INSANE. (sigh) The worst part is he kept saying, "I know this is rude but..." Yeah, you're right. It IS rude!!! UGH..

I'm not enjoying dating. I'm hoping I'll meet a guy soon who will change my mind about that!

Beware of "The EX BOMB"!!

You KNOW the ex bomb.

It's frightening...

It lurks every day after your breakup...

It arrives when you least expect it...

The scenario: You've been broken up for a while. You're moving on. You're feeling pretty sassy. Lost the 15 lbs you ate in chocolate after your breakup. You're healthier, happier and suddenly... you relax. That's when the bomb arrives.

Yes, friends - It happened yesterday. I was email bombed by my ex, Hal.

Now, the relationship didn't end well. Basically, I was fed up with his shit. Over 3 months we went from him loving me so much he wanted to fly me home 3-days early over Christmas break to him not caring if he saw me after being away 9 days and needing his "alone" time. Well he has all the ALONE time he can handle right now, doesn't he? Anyway, things didn't end happily. I finally found my balls (I had lost them, found em' hiding on a shelf) and told him to go sort out his life and BE ALONE if that's what he wants because I want a full-time ADULT relationship and the childish games are over. (You're proud of me just reading this aren't you?) So weeks have gone by and then came.. the email bomb:

Hal: "I am still sorry I sent that to your work email. I was just wondering if you heard anything about the layoffs and if you were affected. I have *my daughter next week for 10 days. *My ex-wife is moving down here in June so this will be easier."

BOMB!!!!!!!!!! Damn it. You stare at the bomb. You can't believe you have one. It happens when you least expect it and it's so innocent looking. It's right there - OMG.. LOOK at the bomb!!! You wring your hands. You wipe the sweat off your brow. You calm down and contemplate your choices:

A - Ignore the bomb and delete it
B - Watch the bomb tick in the inbox of your email and drive you insane. Analyze the bomb with other girlfriends.
C - Detonate the bomb by replying back

I chose a B/C combo because I'm clearly an idiot.

My reply: "Well the email is the LEAST of what you should be sorry for over the past few months, but hey, I'll take what I can get. No, I didn't get laid off this year, so YEAH..good news. I've had bigger things to worry about though with my dad's surgery (he's fine). I'm glad you'll have your daughter, that's awesome for you, and her being closer can only be a good thing for all of you."

(Sigh).. the bombing is becoming like freakin' Iraq now, more and more bombs... His reply: "I am not sure what you are talking about there... I didn't do anything. I know you have accused me of messing around which is not true. So I guess I am sorry that you feel that way about me. Well I am glad you didn't get laid off and that your dad is fine. I hope everything is ok."

Now, after receiving THAT bomb, my anger went through the roof of course "I didn't do anything"??? SERIOUSLY???? I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING?? Did you really just say that to me?? And then I realize what an idiot I am and that ignoring and deleting the bomb would've been the smartest choice, because children are children and will never realize the error of their ways until they grow up.

My final reply: "No need to rehash anything, we just don't envision the same kind of relationship that we want to be in, clearly. Thanks for the concern about my dad & job. Have tons of fun with your daughter and I'm glad things are working out for you."

General resolution? WASTE OF TIME, because he's learned nothing and me - I'm done teaching lessons for the day.

Now, ex bombs arrive in MANY different packages, so please be wary. One Christmas-card bombed me once. That's the after-several-years-bomb with a pleasant, "Hey Merry Christmas, gimme a call sometime" bomb enclosed. I detonated that one too only to find out he was still married and flirting. See? Do not detonate!

Please feel free to comment on your own "bombs"...

Oh no you did NOT call me a COUGAR!!

(Sigh)... I'm never quite able to grasp the male mind somedays. Why? Just "why?" I ask.

First email from Yankee: I could have alot of fun with you hehehe :)

And like I said in my last post... WTF does THAT mean?

My reply: Oh yeah? Well what would we do?

LOL.. my profile is pretty extensive but that's 100% me. Now, I looked at what you're looking for and I'm a lady with a few extra lbs.. I mean... I look like my pics, those are all recent.. the one with the sunglasses was taken last week so that's how long my hair is now. I'm just checkin' cuz ya know, ya' like what ya like : ) With that said, you have a nice smile. Are you from NY, hence the moniker? Of course NOONE is usually from this state who lives here.. lol I'm from Michigan... so I'm a hardcore Michigan fan, yes, even the Lions, even though I'm embarassed to admit that! So tell me about this fun time...

His reply?: well i like a few extra lbs's, gives me something to hold on to LOL and you know Ive always had a fantasy about being with a mature women!!! Cougar town!!

Can you say... douchebag? I can boys and girls!! I would personally like to nominate this guy for douchebag of the week! Oh no he didn't say "something to hold on to" or call me a freakin' cougar at the age of 35 (he's 29). Now I'm fat and old. Thanks.

Two syllables for you buddy: Buh-bye

Although I'm still not sure if I'm more offended by the cougar comment or that he used the plural form of "woman" referring to the singular being me, but ya know... that might just be me.

The dating is back ON!!!!!!!

Oh, dating, how in many ways, I have missed you! After some hemming and hawing back & forth with Hal... it's really, truly completely over. Basically, I went off on him, which he totally had coming. And what I said, was what I really felt and damn it felt goooooooooooooood as helllllllllll. I'll tell you one thing, I'm a lady who knows when to throw in a towel, and it was time. He wanted his "alone time" and ya know what... now he has PLENTY of time for it, cuz well... he can BE alone now. I'm movin' on. For once, I haven't looked back and have slowly felt him dripping from my mind. Treat me badly once, shame on you. Treat me badly twice, 3 times, 4, and then try to punish me with childish games? Suck it. That's my saying, anyway.

So back to Match.com and two prospects going now. One we'll call "Yankee". Yankee emailed me but his email says, "I could have a lot of fun with you... hehehe". Now, is that awkward guy-speak, or really creepy, leechy code speak for "I wanna have fun in your pants"? The two languages are so similar, I'm having trouble decoding! Or maybe I've just been out of the game for too long.

My other prospect, we'll call "Baller" cuz according to his profile, he's got EVERYTHING I'm looking for, which of course means, he'll probably ignore me or it'll never work out.. LOL. Call me pessimistic!! UH.. I always hate that though, when you find that PERFECT profile, the one that rings "WOW, we are PERFECT for each other!" and then either he never contacts you or you talk on the phone and he's smoking weed (see previous posts).. it's always something (mental disorders). So here's to hopeful beginnings ladies and gents!!!

Here I go again on my own!! Thank you Whitesnake!

Though no rolling around on hoods of cars for me. Well, not yet.. lol. I officially signed back up for Match.com today, although it was a freak accident. My profile has been hidden for a while and I went in to just update pictures and my profile. All of the sudden I was getting all these winks and emails! Weird.. I guess when I updated it activated the profile, so I figured "Oh what the hell am I waiting for?" and so.. I'm back on match which is terrifying and sorta intriguing at the same time. Although the guy I emailed a bit today... UGH... tax accountant. I've had more exciting conversation with a salad bar. Although why I was talking to that salad bar is perplexing...

No, I was asking the usual questions and his responses were sooooo boring. UGH.. really? I guess what did I expect to find that awesome guy right off the bat? I'm quite confident I'll run into many more funny stories before the right one comes along. But who knows? LOL... but we're off and running and we'll see what happens.

Getting over a breakup sucks!!

Breakups suck. That's all there is to it. After my break-up there was the inevitable regret, but I knew that would happen. Somehow, all the hurt starts to melt and you miss the good parts, but the truth was, the last 3 months were mostly the bad - crying because I felt rejected and unloved. In fact, I don't even remember the last time Hal told me I looked pretty or paid me an honest compliment. I knew I would have those "regret" moments, and I still do have moments of sadness, but truth is... I did the right thing. Hal didn't realize how much he was hurting me, and I don't think he really cared. How can I be with someone who doesn't care? Oh, but the break-ups suck. I'm concentrating on ME right now. I don't even want to THINK about dating. Although the other day while jogging, a guy was checking me out and said "hello" and smiled. That was enough and made me feel good. I'm working out and making a huge overhaul to how I eat - cutting out high fructose corn syrup, eating organic, and I'm doing strength-training and jogging/walking each week, basically working out every single day because it's keeping me sane. It's keeping my endorphins up and it's keeping me occupied. Oh - and it's making me feel better about myself, and I'm losing weight - 4 lbs this week. I'm also reading, doing hobbies - anything and everything to keep me from just thinking about Hal. And I'm noticing every day, it gets a little easier.

Today was tough - went out to get some food and there were two couples and the one husband was just affectionately rubbing his wife's back. Just an arm around her, but that affection, that genuine love was so evident in that simple gesture. I hadn't had that from Hal is soooo long. That hurt. I needed to hear something positive. I know I was the one who usually said "I love you" first. I think Hal needs to be alone right now. As for me - I need to move on. And I'm working on that, day by day.

From "we" to just "me" again.

This time around I was the one who did the breaking up, but that doesn't make it any easier. It happened 4 days ago, yet it's all I can think about. The only pervading thought is - I did the right thing, and in that I find comfort.

I loved Hal very much, more than any man in my entire life, but me loving him that much doesn't a relationship make. It can't always be one person. The final straw was Sunday. I had been visiting my family and been gone for 9 days. The whole time there I was thinking of him, buying him souvenirs and things. When I returned, he was out of town in Vermont for a grad class. He returned at 1:30pm on Sunday. After not seeing me for 9 days, I was excited ... SO excited to see him. At 1:30, he texted me and told me he landed and I asked, "When should I come over?" His response: "I don't know". About 1/2 hour later I question this "I don't know" and he tells me 'I don't know. I have a lot to do." I don't know about you, but to me, that was a pretty clear sign. And the "lot to do" was him looking for a credit card he'd been looking for for 2 weeks (so hello - why wouldn't you look for that while I'm gone)?? And doing laundry. He blew me off for about 5 hours and then said to come over. When we went to dinner, I asked him if he missed me and his response was, "Eh, just a little". But he wasn't joking. He saw my deflated look and said, "Did you heard me?" And I responded, "Uh, yes, I heard you." And he said, "Well I did miss you a little. I was just really busy."

And there it is - the past 3 months have been like this. Almost the same thing happened on Valentine's Day. I surprised my man with a dinner of NY strips & potatoes and I dressed in a little "something special" and my man basically chuckled, proceeded to eat his dinner, pay his bills and do anything but be with me. Finally after oh - a few hours in this "outfit" I changed. It was humiliating.

I noticed a change. The first few months of our relationship he was all about "us" talking about taking vacations together, doing things together and was all about the "we". The last few months I noticed he started saying things like "Next St. Patty's day I'm going to Ireland with my friend." And we had never been on a trip together. He went from saying that we should go see his parents and he wanted me to meet his brother, to him taking those trips by himself. I understand being gone for trips and wanting "alone" time, but we went from spending nearly every day together to spending maybe 2-3 days a week together. He also starting hanging out in the bar, alone or with this beer club he belonged to. The problem with that was - these aren't his friends. He didn't really have friends here - they are all in his hometown. Now, I'm all for a girls' night or guys' night out... absolutely! But he would go and hang, by himself, in the bar. When I would go out with my friends, he would get pissy with me and pick a fight. Once he told me he had all this custody stuff to work on (and true, that's been a huge stress), but then the next day we chat all day over email and he says nothing, until 5:00pm when I post I'm meeting a friend for after work drinks, and boy does he get mad. Then he claims he is done with his "custody stuff" and could've gone out with me... well then, why didn't you tell me all day while we were talking? Cuz he was full of shit. He wanted to see me when he wanted to see me, turning me into a "sometimes" girlfriend. I'm nobody's "sometimes" girlfriend.

It turned into this push me away, pull me in type of thing and I was just done. It's too much to even write the whole thing, but his actions and words told me that he wasn't in a place for this relationship, and I value myself to know that I'm worth a whole lot more than taking whatever scraps he was willing to throw my way. I understand he has a lot of issues right now with his ex and his custody stuff, but instead of letting me be his partner in that, he pushed me away. I should've been the person he wanted to escape WITH, to relax WITH, to be WITH as he went thru this, but I wasn't. I think his anger with his ex just consumed every good part of him and he couldn't see around that. I hope that one day he's able to let that go, but I'm not willing to settle for "what I can get" and I was tired of being more unhappy than I am happy.

What I learned is that I deserve to be loved and missed and adored and... all of that! And also - don't get involved with a man in the middle of custody issues!! I know it's no fairy tale, but dang - my man should at least miss me after 9 days! Heck, I miss my man when he's gone for just a weekend! I started to see that this was a one-sided love and that, they say... is history.

The thought of dating again though is NOT a fun one, so I'm spending my time just for ME, losing a few lbs, eating right, exercising, reading some good books and going out with my friends and finding my "fun" again. I know it will return : ) And I know I did the right thing, because bottom line - I'm worth it.

Reconciliation...

Apologies go a long way, and I believe that this one was heartfelt and I believe that *Hal means it when he apologized for being a turd. Without going into too many details, he is going through a terrible custody battle right now, and I think it's taken his toll on him.

He apologized, and I believe in second chances, and I believe that he is truly sorry and that we deserve a second chance...

So here's to make-up sex (woo-hoo!) and trying to work things out with the man you love...

6 month relationship over :(

My relationship of 6 months has officially ended, so... ah, back to dating for me... soon, but not today... LOL.. give me some time! The strange thing for me is, I suppose in some ways I'm looking forward to it (until my awful next date where I eat those words) because I feel I do deserve to have a normal, healthy relationship with someone who treats me the way I deserve. I wish he had been that guy, but it turned out he's not.

I feel terrible I neglected my blog though, but... what can a girl do when she was in love? The short of it - my now ex was going through a really nasty divorce and custody battle and just wound up being really... mean to me. I'm a good-hearted person and have a hard time being truly MEAN, and he was just... MEAN, taking out his anger towards his ex on me, telling me I'm not there for him (yet that's all I've done), and then finally telling me he didn't need me nor want me and was purposely making me suffer by ignoring me over and over. Why would ANYONE sane stay?

Me? I can't do that to someone - intentionally hurt him, and I now question whether he ever loved me, because when you love someone, you might make mistakes, you might hurt the other person, but you apologize and move on and forgive. To be so intent on purposely hurting me? There's no way he loved me, and THAT is what hurts the most, but it's also the factor that made it easier to walk away.

Break-ups suck though, as we all know. Right now - I'm all about fun. Already have a packed couple days planned, a 5K with friends, a Ladies Night AND a trip!! I'm not one to sit around crying. I feel sad, but I just know that I deserve every happiness in the world and the last 4 weeks with him have been far from happy - more like me doing everything, him doing nothing and making me feel guilty and trying to convince me I wasn't doing enough. Fuck that shit.