It's feast or famine in date town these days! This week.. FEAST... 2 prospects we'll call *Jake and *Daquan (okay that's just for fun, let's go with *Dave)
Here's my gripe of the week though with online dudes - QUIT. LYING. ABOUT. YOUR. HEIGHT!!! I am soooo sick of guys who are 5'8 5'9 and saying they are 5'10. STOP. Not only does it impact my shoe choice, it's actually a pretty big deal when the girl you are dating is 5'7. If I wear heels, I will be TALLER than you and it makes me feel totally awkward. I say this because this happened not once but twice on my Yeah-I'm-the-Pimp two days of dating here.
Jake's from NY! Seems pretty intelligent and we met Friday night for a drink. First impression - small guy. He claimed the 5'10 and I give him maybe 5'9 on a GOOD day. One drink turned into two (good sign) and we stayed out talking for about 3 hours. Great conversation and I do believe a second date will happen. The only issue - no spark : ( Not on the first date, but I'm not sure if that's just my hangups right now. The big one being (no pun intended), that I'm bigger than him, as in weight-wise, and I've never had that happen before and it makes me feel weird and awkward. I figure a second date is in order though to see what's up.
Now, onto horrible date #2 - The Mutton Chop Man. Dave's profile said he was 38. We met for a movie on Saturday (a horrible date decision - his choice by the way because you can't talk). When he walked up I was majorly disappointed. For one - he was very chatty, funny, conversational on the phone. In person he was a complete and utter DUD!!!!!!!!!!!! This has happened a few times, and I call it the "Bait & Switch". He represents himself on the phone as very confident, fun, etc and in person - a complete mess, lacking confidence, etc. He gave me one of those horrible limp-wrist handshakes and I knew it was over. First of all - that dude hasn't seen his 30's for probably 10 years. I think he was probably 48 years old and lying about his age. AND, his pics online were NOT recent, no way, no how. They probably WERE pics of him when he was 38... 10 years ago! I'm sorry, but that's just not cool. He had these horrible bushy mutton-chops on the side of his head. Was that a strange homage to Elvis? no clue...
Ya know, the looks thing and picking on him, sure I sound superficial, but you NEED to represent yourself how you really are because immediately, I was turned off because he looked nothing like the photos he posted. But the worst part was his awkward nature. He asks ME to a movie, and then didn't pay (sorry guys, but I believe a gentleman pays on the 1st date). Then after the movie, we have some chitchat about the movie and then... silence. That horrid, awkward silence. He doesn't say anything about getting coffee, going to talk, he just looks at me like he has NO idea what to do now. I had these flashback to the 40-Year-Old-Virgin. Hmmm.. maybe. I just can't deal with lack of confidence. Nervous? Fine, everyone gets nervous time to time, but you need to SPEAK. Don't just stand their staring at me with a look like you're about to shit your pants. I think he was lacking dating experience.
(Sigh)... will keep you all posted on the status of *Jake. : )
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Beware of psychotic pork chops!
Ya know ladies, trust your gut. If your gut is unreliable, trust your friends' guts. They all told me this guy was loony.
Mine told me that *Rich, or as we shall call him "Pork Chop", the guy with the weird dog decor, was possessive and perhaps mildly psycho. I hate being right all the freakin' time. The first hint - his incessant text messages BEFORE we met (see a few posts ago). After standing me up last week (I sent 3 messages with no response and said 'oh well'), he decides to contact me and of course I've decided "I'm just not that into him" so I send the nice "you're a nice guy, but I'm not feeling it" email and that I felt brushed off by him the week before, but it's all good, good luck to you.
Here's the lovely, kind-hearted reply I get: Message 1 "That's pretty fucked up to send that sentiment in an email. And for the record.. I didn't brush you off. I didn't call u about dinner because I knew ur friend was coming into town and u probably wanted to prepare... then I never heard anything more from you about possible karaoke or jack shit"
Me: no response (I'm driving in the car) And mind you, what he's saying makes NO sense.. he asked me to dinner. I said yes. He never replied to my 3 texts to set up a time.
Message 2 "That's really fucked up... seems like u were just looking for an excuse to end it and then did it via email... grow up" I would like to point out the irony here that he is TEXTING me this - basically the EXACT same as email!!!!!!
So I respond with "I asked u what time u wanted to do dinner wed. I texted you THREE times tuesday night and received NO response. You stood ME up. I'm just done. I hate drama."
He sends this: "I received no text from u tues nite...probably because..hmm.. let's see.. CELL SEVICE SUCKS IN THE MNTS!! Of course being from a flat state u wuldn't know that. a minute later he sends "doesn't really matter..I don't believe in dating rude yankees and u seem to be exactly that. maybe in detroit but not here honey...bye"
Oh my God.. I just got called a "yankee"... really? I think that's actually REALLY cool!!!!! Go Yankees!
And cell service may suck... but most of the messages go thru...eventually. Funny how ALL of mine get dropped?
I respond with "Whatev.. I already said good luck in my email and don't understand the anger. I don't want anything to do with drama"
Ah, but that's not the end of it... I get another email tonight: "you know.....i shoulda kicked ur ass to the curb the 1st time u were rude to me....but i actually liked you and wanted to work thru it.....ha.....my mistake huh. oh well.....guess you got some free meals out of it......hope that helps with ur financial situation.......peace out biotch! "
Now I'm a rude, Yankee bitch. I can live with that.
Yup, and the meals were good. Maybe you shoulda let me pay when I offered and not expected anything in return... like a GENTLEMAN!
My response: *Pork Chop, I don't appreciate the angry messages and would appreciate if you would stop. This just didn't work out and I believe it's for the best. The bottom line - I liked you A LOT. You blew this, make that very very clear when you didn't respond last week. You have noone to be angry at but yourself or your most unreliable cell service in the state. You can call me a bitch, a yankee, rude whatever makes you feel better. All the names you've called me have only proven that I made the right decision.
So ladies, avoid this situation. Avoid guys with "meat" names like Pork Chop, Tbone, Meatloaf, Rump Roast, whatever... (thanks for the advice Tiff)... I really don't like the other white meat. I find it annoying and kinda crusty.
Mine told me that *Rich, or as we shall call him "Pork Chop", the guy with the weird dog decor, was possessive and perhaps mildly psycho. I hate being right all the freakin' time. The first hint - his incessant text messages BEFORE we met (see a few posts ago). After standing me up last week (I sent 3 messages with no response and said 'oh well'), he decides to contact me and of course I've decided "I'm just not that into him" so I send the nice "you're a nice guy, but I'm not feeling it" email and that I felt brushed off by him the week before, but it's all good, good luck to you.
Here's the lovely, kind-hearted reply I get: Message 1 "That's pretty fucked up to send that sentiment in an email. And for the record.. I didn't brush you off. I didn't call u about dinner because I knew ur friend was coming into town and u probably wanted to prepare... then I never heard anything more from you about possible karaoke or jack shit"
Me: no response (I'm driving in the car) And mind you, what he's saying makes NO sense.. he asked me to dinner. I said yes. He never replied to my 3 texts to set up a time.
Message 2 "That's really fucked up... seems like u were just looking for an excuse to end it and then did it via email... grow up" I would like to point out the irony here that he is TEXTING me this - basically the EXACT same as email!!!!!!
So I respond with "I asked u what time u wanted to do dinner wed. I texted you THREE times tuesday night and received NO response. You stood ME up. I'm just done. I hate drama."
He sends this: "I received no text from u tues nite...probably because..hmm.. let's see.. CELL SEVICE SUCKS IN THE MNTS!! Of course being from a flat state u wuldn't know that. a minute later he sends "doesn't really matter..I don't believe in dating rude yankees and u seem to be exactly that. maybe in detroit but not here honey...bye"
Oh my God.. I just got called a "yankee"... really? I think that's actually REALLY cool!!!!! Go Yankees!
And cell service may suck... but most of the messages go thru...eventually. Funny how ALL of mine get dropped?
I respond with "Whatev.. I already said good luck in my email and don't understand the anger. I don't want anything to do with drama"
Ah, but that's not the end of it... I get another email tonight: "you know.....i shoulda kicked ur ass to the curb the 1st time u were rude to me....but i actually liked you and wanted to work thru it.....ha.....my mistake huh. oh well.....guess you got some free meals out of it......hope that helps with ur financial situation.......peace out biotch! "
Now I'm a rude, Yankee bitch. I can live with that.
Yup, and the meals were good. Maybe you shoulda let me pay when I offered and not expected anything in return... like a GENTLEMAN!
My response: *Pork Chop, I don't appreciate the angry messages and would appreciate if you would stop. This just didn't work out and I believe it's for the best. The bottom line - I liked you A LOT. You blew this, make that very very clear when you didn't respond last week. You have noone to be angry at but yourself or your most unreliable cell service in the state. You can call me a bitch, a yankee, rude whatever makes you feel better. All the names you've called me have only proven that I made the right decision.
So ladies, avoid this situation. Avoid guys with "meat" names like Pork Chop, Tbone, Meatloaf, Rump Roast, whatever... (thanks for the advice Tiff)... I really don't like the other white meat. I find it annoying and kinda crusty.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Scary bachelor pads...
There is always that frightening moment walking into a guy's place for the first time... and this happened with *Rich the other day. Now, I understand that dogs are precious and wonderful. I would love to have a dog, however, I have NO desire to decorate WITH dogs. Yup, Rich has a daschund which means he has daschund knick-knacks EVERYWHERE! It was ... um.. odd. Little candles, all lined up.. on the enlongated wooden back of a daschund. Some wood carver actually took the time to make this piece of crap? And then my date shopped, saw that piece of crap and said, "I have to have that piece of crap?" and paid MONEY for the said piece of crap?? I should protest the unnecessary, cruel treatment of that beautiful wood for such a lousy piece of crap.
Daschund plates on the wall (hey there little old lady!), even a little life-size daschund statue on the floor. And apparently the dog has a bladder issue (the real dog, not the statue) because he has this huge diaper pad on the floor for the dog. That's attractive. Ever hear of potty training?
On to the bedroom on the tour and... leaning against the wall... a shotgun!! WHICH - I find out later is "loaded and ready". No, no.. that's not scary or anything when I come to your apt for the 1st time!!! On the wall of the bedroom, you guessed it - more daschund shit!!! Then he says "these are pictures of my last dog" cute, but wait... what is that? Yes, there was a tiny urn next to the pictures. I think the guy has his dead dog's ashes!!! A shrine to the dead dog?? Now I know there are pet lovers who will think that is totally normal, but in my world... it's coo-coo.
And here's the latest update... The first few couple dates always feel a bit like a job interview, presenting that "best possible scenario" to the other party. So Rich and I went out again to dinner, date #3. I guess the dachund shit didn't scare me too bad. I have my mom to blame for that; she reminded me that when my aunt started dating my uncle, he had stuffed fish everywhere... you go there now and there are NO fish. However, I'm starting to notice a few red flags though and some odd behavior...
We're driving in the car and he says, "What do you think of these?" Now, that would be a great line in a porno if he were pointing at his testicles, but no it was pieces of paper (thank God). I look and they are real estate listings... for $550-$650,000 houses. Okay, what do I think of ... what? You want to buy me a house? You want me to give you my detailed synopsis of art deco vs. art nouveau styles of architecture? That's a LOADED question if I ever heard one. I replied, "Are you looking to buy a house?" and he says, "Yeah.. I'm thinking about it." Okay, so again... what do I think about.. what? So I say, "They seem like beautiful homes. I guess you'll have to go thru them and pick whatever is right for you."
I'm sensing this was a "test" question. Was he seeing if I wanted to live in a house? Live with HIM in the house? Clean the house? Best suggest how to decorate the house with daschund pieces of crap??? I don't get it.....??? Any ideas appreciated... the other odd part was his profile says he makes $50-75,000 a year (hey, he volunteered the info, I never asked or cared).. so can he even afford that kind of house?). He doesn't even own a washer and dryer!!!
The rest of the date went fine... I'm cool with just dating this guy right now though, just happy playing the field, nothing serious on the horizon!
Daschund plates on the wall (hey there little old lady!), even a little life-size daschund statue on the floor. And apparently the dog has a bladder issue (the real dog, not the statue) because he has this huge diaper pad on the floor for the dog. That's attractive. Ever hear of potty training?
On to the bedroom on the tour and... leaning against the wall... a shotgun!! WHICH - I find out later is "loaded and ready". No, no.. that's not scary or anything when I come to your apt for the 1st time!!! On the wall of the bedroom, you guessed it - more daschund shit!!! Then he says "these are pictures of my last dog" cute, but wait... what is that? Yes, there was a tiny urn next to the pictures. I think the guy has his dead dog's ashes!!! A shrine to the dead dog?? Now I know there are pet lovers who will think that is totally normal, but in my world... it's coo-coo.
And here's the latest update... The first few couple dates always feel a bit like a job interview, presenting that "best possible scenario" to the other party. So Rich and I went out again to dinner, date #3. I guess the dachund shit didn't scare me too bad. I have my mom to blame for that; she reminded me that when my aunt started dating my uncle, he had stuffed fish everywhere... you go there now and there are NO fish. However, I'm starting to notice a few red flags though and some odd behavior...
We're driving in the car and he says, "What do you think of these?" Now, that would be a great line in a porno if he were pointing at his testicles, but no it was pieces of paper (thank God). I look and they are real estate listings... for $550-$650,000 houses. Okay, what do I think of ... what? You want to buy me a house? You want me to give you my detailed synopsis of art deco vs. art nouveau styles of architecture? That's a LOADED question if I ever heard one. I replied, "Are you looking to buy a house?" and he says, "Yeah.. I'm thinking about it." Okay, so again... what do I think about.. what? So I say, "They seem like beautiful homes. I guess you'll have to go thru them and pick whatever is right for you."
I'm sensing this was a "test" question. Was he seeing if I wanted to live in a house? Live with HIM in the house? Clean the house? Best suggest how to decorate the house with daschund pieces of crap??? I don't get it.....??? Any ideas appreciated... the other odd part was his profile says he makes $50-75,000 a year (hey, he volunteered the info, I never asked or cared).. so can he even afford that kind of house?). He doesn't even own a washer and dryer!!!
The rest of the date went fine... I'm cool with just dating this guy right now though, just happy playing the field, nothing serious on the horizon!
Friday, July 3, 2009
Sooooo NOT a stalker! (YEAH)
soooooo.. Turns out my dude is NOT a stalker. Had a fantastic first date. He explained that he used to be married and the wife cheated on him, so I think he's gonna have a few trust issues, but well... so do I. I just realized that I need to take is slow and take time to get to know *Rich and see what happens? Turns out "stalker" could be just "into you" :) Who knew? And there is NOTHING wrong with that! I explained that I'm a very independent person and it's important to me not to feel "clung" to or anything like that because that's often a big turn-off. Hopefully, he'll take that to heart.
Went to a nice dinner, followed by a few bites of cheesecake (ah, he found my weakness.. that stuff is like kryptonite), walked me to a car, and a very nice 1st kiss. Here's a BIG BRAVO to the good kissers.
Date #2 will be tonight, so here's hoping.....
Went to a nice dinner, followed by a few bites of cheesecake (ah, he found my weakness.. that stuff is like kryptonite), walked me to a car, and a very nice 1st kiss. Here's a BIG BRAVO to the good kissers.
Date #2 will be tonight, so here's hoping.....
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Stalker alert?
Ah, you be the judge... stalker behavior or adorably clueless?
Met *Rich off of match, elevated to the talking on the phone stage and on Monday, we have a nice, comfortable 1 hour conversation and make plans for dinner on Thursday (today).
Tuesday, he texts me and then calls me that night, the only ?? during that conversation is that he says, "if we hit it off on Thursday, what are you doing Sunday?" He's already booking a 2nd date without meeting? SLOW DOWN fella! I tell him we'll meet 1st and see how it goes. He has to hang up the phone, says he'll call me back after he has dinner. Now - here's one of my cardinal rules of internet dating - don't talk TOO much on the phone before the 1st date, for several reasons. 1 - You might not hit it off and you'll be pissed at yourself that you spent that much time on the phone 2 - I really don't like to talk that much on the phone and 3 - I want to leave enough conversation for the 1st date and not feel like it's a struggle for conversation.
Soooo... I white-lied and told Rich that I might be going out with a friend that night, so when he called back an hour later, I didn't answer. An hour later, I texted him:
"Sry I missed ur call. Will talk to you tomorrow."
Response from Rich: "Did you go out with your friend? I'm still up if you want to call"
Me: "Yeah, out & catching up.. talk tomorrow"
Rich: "Okay, have fun. I'll be thinking about cha!"
Hmmmm.. here's where my next "??" popped in my head because why would you be thinking about someone you haven't met? Oh well, innocent, right... ?
So the next day I decide to go to a local park.
10:15 text from Rich: "Good morning. How are you today?"
I'm leaving, out the door so I don't respond. 2:30 that afternoon I come back to my phone. Here are the 2 text messages:
11:15: "Are u alive?"
2:15: "Did I do something wrong?"
Okay, NOW I'm sorta pissed. I'm BUSY and this guy is acting like a jealous boyfriend. He's at WORK mind you while he's sending this. If I had to do it over again I would have said that I was gone all day and just got to my phone, but I responded:
"No, I'm at the park. Didn't have my phone."
"Oh, okay, I thought I put my foot in my mouth or something when you didn't respond."
"No, I'm out and about. I actually do go out when I'm off work." (snark snark, yes)
"Well I'm looking forward to talking to you"
"I might be home latr. I'll call you."
Okay, I didn't call. The main thing was - I needed some space. We have plans for Thursday. I have every intention of keeping them. I don't need to text this guy all day, call him every day, nor do I need him keeping tabs on what I do. I decide I will call him the next day, Wednesday, but....
11:00pm that night: "Have a good nite"
That's the text. Now it's obvious that he's mad I didn't call or something, but dude, CONTAIN yourself. He sounds like... a needy CHIC! I was lying in bed but texted,
"Sorry, fell asleep"
Rich: "Sry to bother u"
me: "Are you being sarcastic??? I can't tell in a text"
Rich: "No, sorry I woke you up. I just hope we talk again before we go out"
me: "I'm sure we will"
End of discussion. So yesterday, I don't text him during the day because I know he's at work and I don't bother people at work, so around 6:30pm I call and leave a voicemail and said I wanted to see if we're still going out Thursday and what time and such. He didn't call back. Oh, he's playing my game now...
So... there are 2 predictions I have: 1 - he won't be calling and got mad at me that I didn't call him sooner or that I didn't call him that night I "fell asleep". Which...stupid! Hello, we aren't going out till Thursday... CHILL! In that situation, I'm totally fine with it, because that means he's clingy/needy/not confident which is NOT something I'm attracted to or 2 - he will respond today and we will go out. Who knows.
My point with all this is - my friends are telling me he sounds kinda jealous/possessive type. I gave him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he's just really excited about our date?
I have no clue what to think. Lord, please don't let me get my bunny boiled.
Met *Rich off of match, elevated to the talking on the phone stage and on Monday, we have a nice, comfortable 1 hour conversation and make plans for dinner on Thursday (today).
Tuesday, he texts me and then calls me that night, the only ?? during that conversation is that he says, "if we hit it off on Thursday, what are you doing Sunday?" He's already booking a 2nd date without meeting? SLOW DOWN fella! I tell him we'll meet 1st and see how it goes. He has to hang up the phone, says he'll call me back after he has dinner. Now - here's one of my cardinal rules of internet dating - don't talk TOO much on the phone before the 1st date, for several reasons. 1 - You might not hit it off and you'll be pissed at yourself that you spent that much time on the phone 2 - I really don't like to talk that much on the phone and 3 - I want to leave enough conversation for the 1st date and not feel like it's a struggle for conversation.
Soooo... I white-lied and told Rich that I might be going out with a friend that night, so when he called back an hour later, I didn't answer. An hour later, I texted him:
"Sry I missed ur call. Will talk to you tomorrow."
Response from Rich: "Did you go out with your friend? I'm still up if you want to call"
Me: "Yeah, out & catching up.. talk tomorrow"
Rich: "Okay, have fun. I'll be thinking about cha!"
Hmmmm.. here's where my next "??" popped in my head because why would you be thinking about someone you haven't met? Oh well, innocent, right... ?
So the next day I decide to go to a local park.
10:15 text from Rich: "Good morning. How are you today?"
I'm leaving, out the door so I don't respond. 2:30 that afternoon I come back to my phone. Here are the 2 text messages:
11:15: "Are u alive?"
2:15: "Did I do something wrong?"
Okay, NOW I'm sorta pissed. I'm BUSY and this guy is acting like a jealous boyfriend. He's at WORK mind you while he's sending this. If I had to do it over again I would have said that I was gone all day and just got to my phone, but I responded:
"No, I'm at the park. Didn't have my phone."
"Oh, okay, I thought I put my foot in my mouth or something when you didn't respond."
"No, I'm out and about. I actually do go out when I'm off work." (snark snark, yes)
"Well I'm looking forward to talking to you"
"I might be home latr. I'll call you."
Okay, I didn't call. The main thing was - I needed some space. We have plans for Thursday. I have every intention of keeping them. I don't need to text this guy all day, call him every day, nor do I need him keeping tabs on what I do. I decide I will call him the next day, Wednesday, but....
11:00pm that night: "Have a good nite"
That's the text. Now it's obvious that he's mad I didn't call or something, but dude, CONTAIN yourself. He sounds like... a needy CHIC! I was lying in bed but texted,
"Sorry, fell asleep"
Rich: "Sry to bother u"
me: "Are you being sarcastic??? I can't tell in a text"
Rich: "No, sorry I woke you up. I just hope we talk again before we go out"
me: "I'm sure we will"
End of discussion. So yesterday, I don't text him during the day because I know he's at work and I don't bother people at work, so around 6:30pm I call and leave a voicemail and said I wanted to see if we're still going out Thursday and what time and such. He didn't call back. Oh, he's playing my game now...
So... there are 2 predictions I have: 1 - he won't be calling and got mad at me that I didn't call him sooner or that I didn't call him that night I "fell asleep". Which...stupid! Hello, we aren't going out till Thursday... CHILL! In that situation, I'm totally fine with it, because that means he's clingy/needy/not confident which is NOT something I'm attracted to or 2 - he will respond today and we will go out. Who knows.
My point with all this is - my friends are telling me he sounds kinda jealous/possessive type. I gave him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he's just really excited about our date?
I have no clue what to think. Lord, please don't let me get my bunny boiled.
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