A lesson on how to do it RIGHT, guys!

Ya know... I was nervous about going out with *Sean since he's from the south & all, but wow - had an INCREDIBLE awesome 1st date! His smile was even better in person.

First things first - he brought me daisies and I LOVE daisies! They are my favorite flower. Simple. Classic. That's me.

Next - he opened doors and was a perfect gentleman. Insisted on paying. Conversation was great and fun... all the elements of a great 1st date. I was smiling the whole time.

It was just nice to have a guy interested in me, wanting to be with me. He told me how pretty I looked and what a great smile I have. I hadn't heard that in a long time, and certainly not much in my last relationship.

What I wasn't used to and what surprised me was that he was very "protective" of me in a nice way. Like walking, he kind of put his hand on my back. It was really sweet. I just wasn't used to it! Isn't that sad? I'm not used to romance!!! So flowers, dinner and then we decided to go listen to live music in this shopping center by me and we sat by a fountain and talked for another hour or so and then decided to see a movie. It was funny because the only thing playing was Shrek at the time we went. I secretly wanted to see it, but didn't want to admit it. And Sean looks at me and says "Okay, I'll see Shrek if you will." I LOVED that.. lol.. it was actually funny because it was all adults and we laughed and enjoyed the movie. So my date wound up being a 5 hour date, complete with a simple, nice kiss goodnight. One thing I realized is that I just want to take things slow and I want to take my time, just have a lot of fun and not rush into any new relationship. I still feel like I'm still closing everything on the last one, so I'm gonna go on the sloooooooooooow roll with dating.

Ladies, I must say, it was NICE, so NICE to feel like and be treated like... a lady. It was nice to sit across from someone who didn't have a cell phone out the whole time! LOL! It was nice to have a great conversation, to feel appreciated and to be paid a few nice compliments that were sincere. : ) I felt like air. Very very very nice first date.

Please, please please let my hickdar be fixed!!

If you've read about my adventures dating men from the south, I have NO hickdar, no ability to spot a bonified HICK in this area of the world, though they lurk...everywhere, particularly this weekend with the Nascar race (Hickfest 2010). Literally EVERY guy I've met online who is from the south has been a hick. Recall - one told me that a chador-dressed Muslim was probably a "terrorist" at Carowinds amusement park. Another slapped my calf like I was a thoroughbred and laughed like a nut. Another told me my titties looked nice in my top. Seriously. What is up with the south?

So here I've met a new southern gent, although the "gent" part remains to be seen (please, please, be merciful!). His name - *Sean and he's a little older (46), but has a KILLER smile and seems very my type. Our first conversation lasted over an hour & 1/2 and he even called me again tonight, though I cut it a little short after 20 minutes. One rule of dating for me - don't talk TOO much before the date. Leave stuff to talk about ON the date. Also, I often find you can invest HOURS of talk time only to meet and fizzzzzzzzzzle... no spark. But he invited me to dinner, I agreed, so here we go again.

I'm praying for no hick-ness. No nickname of "jimbo" or "skeeter". No slapping of my body parts. No admiration of my body parts. Well, admiration, just no outward comment. I've just had bad luck finding a guy from the south with CLASS... that's the word. They have manners, but manners & class are too different things. Manners include saying "please" "thank you" and "ma'am" and "sir".

But class has to do with the things that you CHOOSE to let fly from your mouth. Such as "Ma'am, you have some incredible titties, girl! Please let me rub my little Jimbo on them" Very polite. Completely classless. See my issue?

1st date back but "eh"

So had my first date back in the scene. Lemme tell you, I MISS having a relationship!!! UGH, but I also know that this is what I have to go through (again) to find that loving relationship I really want. I don't think I was really at my best on the date - meaning, I was hopeful, but I was also kinda "eh" about the whole thing, but felt like I needed to get back out there. Had a great conversation with *Glen on the phone, and he's VERY my type on paper, but I'm not sure if the sparks were there. He's a bit older than I - 11 years, and that might be the problem. We're kinda in different places in life. But ya know, 1st dates are often awkward. I just didn't get that "fun" sense of humor that I think is so crucial. I think the WORST offense of the night though was the cell-phone checking. I get that you have kids and you need to check messages, but then also checking for messages from work, constantly.... NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Put the phone away. Then he wanted to show me all these apps on his iphone. Snooooooooozzzzzzzzzzzzzze. He showed me a level, and then some other ones I can't remember because I was sleeping and talking at the same time. LOL.. I had IMMEDIATE red flags because my ex was a phone-o-holic and it used to drive me INSANE. (sigh) The worst part is he kept saying, "I know this is rude but..." Yeah, you're right. It IS rude!!! UGH..

I'm not enjoying dating. I'm hoping I'll meet a guy soon who will change my mind about that!

Beware of "The EX BOMB"!!

You KNOW the ex bomb.

It's frightening...

It lurks every day after your breakup...

It arrives when you least expect it...

The scenario: You've been broken up for a while. You're moving on. You're feeling pretty sassy. Lost the 15 lbs you ate in chocolate after your breakup. You're healthier, happier and suddenly... you relax. That's when the bomb arrives.

Yes, friends - It happened yesterday. I was email bombed by my ex, Hal.

Now, the relationship didn't end well. Basically, I was fed up with his shit. Over 3 months we went from him loving me so much he wanted to fly me home 3-days early over Christmas break to him not caring if he saw me after being away 9 days and needing his "alone" time. Well he has all the ALONE time he can handle right now, doesn't he? Anyway, things didn't end happily. I finally found my balls (I had lost them, found em' hiding on a shelf) and told him to go sort out his life and BE ALONE if that's what he wants because I want a full-time ADULT relationship and the childish games are over. (You're proud of me just reading this aren't you?) So weeks have gone by and then came.. the email bomb:

Hal: "I am still sorry I sent that to your work email. I was just wondering if you heard anything about the layoffs and if you were affected. I have *my daughter next week for 10 days. *My ex-wife is moving down here in June so this will be easier."

BOMB!!!!!!!!!! Damn it. You stare at the bomb. You can't believe you have one. It happens when you least expect it and it's so innocent looking. It's right there - OMG.. LOOK at the bomb!!! You wring your hands. You wipe the sweat off your brow. You calm down and contemplate your choices:

A - Ignore the bomb and delete it
B - Watch the bomb tick in the inbox of your email and drive you insane. Analyze the bomb with other girlfriends.
C - Detonate the bomb by replying back

I chose a B/C combo because I'm clearly an idiot.

My reply: "Well the email is the LEAST of what you should be sorry for over the past few months, but hey, I'll take what I can get. No, I didn't get laid off this year, so YEAH..good news. I've had bigger things to worry about though with my dad's surgery (he's fine). I'm glad you'll have your daughter, that's awesome for you, and her being closer can only be a good thing for all of you."

(Sigh).. the bombing is becoming like freakin' Iraq now, more and more bombs... His reply: "I am not sure what you are talking about there... I didn't do anything. I know you have accused me of messing around which is not true. So I guess I am sorry that you feel that way about me. Well I am glad you didn't get laid off and that your dad is fine. I hope everything is ok."

Now, after receiving THAT bomb, my anger went through the roof of course "I didn't do anything"??? SERIOUSLY???? I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING?? Did you really just say that to me?? And then I realize what an idiot I am and that ignoring and deleting the bomb would've been the smartest choice, because children are children and will never realize the error of their ways until they grow up.

My final reply: "No need to rehash anything, we just don't envision the same kind of relationship that we want to be in, clearly. Thanks for the concern about my dad & job. Have tons of fun with your daughter and I'm glad things are working out for you."

General resolution? WASTE OF TIME, because he's learned nothing and me - I'm done teaching lessons for the day.

Now, ex bombs arrive in MANY different packages, so please be wary. One Christmas-card bombed me once. That's the after-several-years-bomb with a pleasant, "Hey Merry Christmas, gimme a call sometime" bomb enclosed. I detonated that one too only to find out he was still married and flirting. See? Do not detonate!

Please feel free to comment on your own "bombs"...

Oh no you did NOT call me a COUGAR!!

(Sigh)... I'm never quite able to grasp the male mind somedays. Why? Just "why?" I ask.

First email from Yankee: I could have alot of fun with you hehehe :)

And like I said in my last post... WTF does THAT mean?

My reply: Oh yeah? Well what would we do?

LOL.. my profile is pretty extensive but that's 100% me. Now, I looked at what you're looking for and I'm a lady with a few extra lbs.. I mean... I look like my pics, those are all recent.. the one with the sunglasses was taken last week so that's how long my hair is now. I'm just checkin' cuz ya know, ya' like what ya like : ) With that said, you have a nice smile. Are you from NY, hence the moniker? Of course NOONE is usually from this state who lives here.. lol I'm from Michigan... so I'm a hardcore Michigan fan, yes, even the Lions, even though I'm embarassed to admit that! So tell me about this fun time...

His reply?: well i like a few extra lbs's, gives me something to hold on to LOL and you know Ive always had a fantasy about being with a mature women!!! Cougar town!!

Can you say... douchebag? I can boys and girls!! I would personally like to nominate this guy for douchebag of the week! Oh no he didn't say "something to hold on to" or call me a freakin' cougar at the age of 35 (he's 29). Now I'm fat and old. Thanks.

Two syllables for you buddy: Buh-bye

Although I'm still not sure if I'm more offended by the cougar comment or that he used the plural form of "woman" referring to the singular being me, but ya know... that might just be me.

The dating is back ON!!!!!!!

Oh, dating, how in many ways, I have missed you! After some hemming and hawing back & forth with Hal... it's really, truly completely over. Basically, I went off on him, which he totally had coming. And what I said, was what I really felt and damn it felt goooooooooooooood as helllllllllll. I'll tell you one thing, I'm a lady who knows when to throw in a towel, and it was time. He wanted his "alone time" and ya know what... now he has PLENTY of time for it, cuz well... he can BE alone now. I'm movin' on. For once, I haven't looked back and have slowly felt him dripping from my mind. Treat me badly once, shame on you. Treat me badly twice, 3 times, 4, and then try to punish me with childish games? Suck it. That's my saying, anyway.

So back to Match.com and two prospects going now. One we'll call "Yankee". Yankee emailed me but his email says, "I could have a lot of fun with you... hehehe". Now, is that awkward guy-speak, or really creepy, leechy code speak for "I wanna have fun in your pants"? The two languages are so similar, I'm having trouble decoding! Or maybe I've just been out of the game for too long.

My other prospect, we'll call "Baller" cuz according to his profile, he's got EVERYTHING I'm looking for, which of course means, he'll probably ignore me or it'll never work out.. LOL. Call me pessimistic!! UH.. I always hate that though, when you find that PERFECT profile, the one that rings "WOW, we are PERFECT for each other!" and then either he never contacts you or you talk on the phone and he's smoking weed (see previous posts).. it's always something (mental disorders). So here's to hopeful beginnings ladies and gents!!!

Here I go again on my own!! Thank you Whitesnake!

Though no rolling around on hoods of cars for me. Well, not yet.. lol. I officially signed back up for Match.com today, although it was a freak accident. My profile has been hidden for a while and I went in to just update pictures and my profile. All of the sudden I was getting all these winks and emails! Weird.. I guess when I updated it activated the profile, so I figured "Oh what the hell am I waiting for?" and so.. I'm back on match which is terrifying and sorta intriguing at the same time. Although the guy I emailed a bit today... UGH... tax accountant. I've had more exciting conversation with a salad bar. Although why I was talking to that salad bar is perplexing...

No, I was asking the usual questions and his responses were sooooo boring. UGH.. really? I guess what did I expect to find that awesome guy right off the bat? I'm quite confident I'll run into many more funny stories before the right one comes along. But who knows? LOL... but we're off and running and we'll see what happens.