I've met someone. : ) I know, I know, everyone shall now say, "Oh no more fun dating stories. Boo!" Oh Boo to you! : ) I still think there will be stories, but now, I'll have to shift to relationship tidbits and stories. It should be funny, because really, it's been a while since I've been in a relationship and most of those sucked. So far, this one is amazing, but I promise - I won't post mushy stuff that will make you puke. Much.
The worst part? I must call him Hal* (again, no he's not shallow) because I can't think of another "H" name besides Harold or Howard, and those are not hot names (his real name IS hot though).
Anyway, Hal is kind and thoughtful, honest and sexy all rolled into one. I'm a lucky girl.
Now I must address an email from Dawn, er Natasha. If this is what relationships are like, I'm seriously, seriously screwed.
Question #1 – Why do men need reading material to drop a deuce??? I don’t know about you, but when I have to take the Browns to the Super Bowl, I don’t need reading material. Does it relax them; which makes it easier? Do they have really short attention spans and they need something to do??? All I know is when I need to go, I do the deed and wipe my ass. The end.
Answer: This is the only area where guys actually need a distraction to get something done. It's the only place they CAN multitask, so they take advantage of it. In contrast, this is the only quiet moment that a woman has, so she enjoys the peace & quiet and gets the job done. She multitasks the entire rest of her life. Venus... meet Mars.
Question #2 – Why is hunting considered fun??? These people wake up at the ass crack of dawn, pile on layers of smelly clothing(they don’t wash these clothes all season), walk a half mile to their tree stands (sometimes walking thru heavy snow), climb a tree in the dark and sit there freezing their balls off waiting and hoping deer will appear. If they are “lucky” enough to shoot a deer, most of the time the deer runs and you need to track it. Once you find the deer, you have to drag the bloody, 100 lb+ deer through the woods back to where you are staying. Once you get the thing back, you have to hang it and gut it. Sounds like a fabulous time to me!!!!!!
Answer: Agreed. But then again, the same describes me the last time Macy's had their 1/2 off shoe sale. Just replace the word "deer" with "patent leather Mary Jane's"
Question #3 – Why do guys blow their nose in the shower??? This drives me insane. Can they not wait till they get out and blow their nose in tissue like normal people??? If they are blowing their nose in there, what other disgusting things are they doing???
Answer: That's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard. I think it goes along with Hershey marks in the underwear. I mean, really how lazy do you have to be not to wipe your own ass? Although I do know a female or two who has peed in a shower. I mean, not me. I'm a fuckin' lady.
Question #4 – When men take showers, why do they leave hair on the soap??? I’m not a big fan of using bar soap, but most guys do and I can’t help but notice all the freakin hair they leave on the soap. Do they not see the hairs??? Do they think us ladies find that sexy??? Sorry, but we don’t. Hairy men gross me out. It makes me want to throw up. I don’t know what part of your body those hairs came from. Were you scrubbing your crotch with it cuz that is the first thing I think of. That is just plain nasty. Just stop it!
Answer: Simple. He is an animal marking his territory. He figures if you meet some other guy, that guy might come over and shower (yeah, that could happen), he'll see that hair and realize that he's in the lair of an enemy beast who has hair, a sign of male verility and that if his not-as-verile ass doesn't get out of there soon, that wild wildebeast will tear his eyebrows out through his asshole. It's a pretty clear message.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
The Charlie's Angels Detective Agency...aka my friends!
I realized last night that women are GOOOOOOOD. And I mean GOOOOOOOOOOOD. This is why men get caught cheating. Sorry to give away any secrets, ma' ladies!
I met *Hal (no he's not shallow) on match and had a GREAT date on Tuesday. A 3 hour date. One of those dates where you wish you could keep talking, but you have to work the next day. Shared the awkward kiss at the end of the night. Felt butterflies. He texts me later saying he had a great time and books the next date (that's how it's done)! PERFECT.. except what transpired from there...
His match profile said he was separated and at dinner he tells me he's been separated since February. He also moved to my town then too, so okay... makes sense. He has an 11 month old. I'm cool with kids, but I'm thinking "oh wow, that's young" of course. We talked about online stuff and I told him he's welcome to Google me, I have nothing to hide and we had some laughs about that one and he said he was on Facebook but his profile is private due to pictures of his daughter and such.
So on a boring, lonely, sitting-and-eating-pizza-and-Sourpatch-kids-Friday-night, I'm on Facebook and decide to search for him and low & behold... his profile is NOT PRIVATE! He has it set so people in his network can see his page (and hence how guys get caught....)
Of course I begin looking through the pictures (I mean, hello, who wouldn't?) and I find pics from the 4th of July. Aw how cute... look at his little daughter (adorable). Aw... look at him holding her (how cute is that?).
Aw... how NOT CUTE IS THAT RING ON HIS FINGER???? Aw... HOW NOT CUTE IS HIS WIFE SITTING NEXT TO HIM HOLDING THE DAUGHTER WITH HIM IN THE PICTURE??
I can't read anymore. I can't think. I need to call in reinforcements - someone who can stay calm and help me in this dire time of need. I call (cue Mission Impossible music)...my detective agency. All women have a detective agency. ALL of them. Some people call them friends, but that's just an alias. They will know what to do.
Phone call to Dawn in Michigan. I picture her with oversized black bug-sunglasses, a black beret and a Spy vs. Spy black trenchcoat, codename Natasha, as I tell her the caper. She asks for my password, logs in and begins to search. At the same moment I walk across the hall to see *Gina, Codename 'Bruiser' (she'll cut a bitch) . I picture her like Samantha in Sex & the City when she found Richard eating another woman's sushi - all Raquel Welch-wigged and trench-coated as well, with killer heels and a know-it-all, sinister smile. She and her trusty sidekick Kato (okay, that's not her dog's name) are on it. Her fingers fly to the computer with lightening speed as she logs in and begins her investigation. Dawn is to the scene of the crime first.
She peruses the suspect's profile.
Natasha: "Okay, I'm in. I'm going through his updates. He's really boring." (furious typing) (Frustrated) "Really, these updates are so boring. All he does is say 'It's Monday' 'It's Tuesday' and not much else. This looks like a single guy profile. " (I appreciate the assessment). "But wait" (oh no). "I see on here that under his status, is doesn't list anything and it says he's looking for friendship and networking."
Bruiser: "Okay, he's wearing the same shirt in this picture but he's NOT wearing the ring. Wait, are you sure that's his daughter and not a niece?" ( Fingers madly type, creating a clicking rhythm in the room.) "No that's his daughter."
Natasha: (with spy kit in hand) "Wait, this makes no sense. He has over 200 friends. If he split from his wife, don't you think SOMEONE would comment?" (I can envision the quizzical look on her brow and more furious typing. She is momentarily distracted by her daughter. A rookie mistake that could have cost her her life. Thankfully Bruiser is there to save the day).
Bruiser: "Wait a second. Yes, you are right. He is DEFINITELY wearing a ring. I can't tell if SHE is though. Let me keep looking." (She's accessing the photos of others who have posted photos on the profile. More furious typing). "I can't tell."
Natasha: "All I can find is that he misses his daughter and he was traveling a lot for work. Nothing about a wife. Nothing. I don't know. Maybe they were separated."
Bruiser assesses the situation: "I agree. They might have just been together for the family, ya know?"
Natasha: "Yeah, but that doesn't really look like he's been separated since February."
Bruiser: "Agreed"
I await their final report.
Bruiser: "Okay, go out with him tomorrow. At least get a nice meal and a concert out of it. Ask a few questions, but don't LOOK like you are looking for answers. It's crucial that you NOT give away your identity."
Natasha: "I agree. Find out what's going on, but under NO circumstances can you tell him where you found your information. Guys think this stuff is psycho. If you do that, we may be found out and never be able to help you again. Be smart. Be safe." click... Natasha is disconnected.
So I am going an a reconnaissance mission tonight, er... 2nd date, to see what's up. One small tidbit though... when talking to Hal last night he revealed he's been separated since April. So he tacked on 2 months. Maybe by tonight I'll get the truth and it will be June or something.
Will Regina find true love? Will we find out the true story of the mysterious Hal? Stay tuned for our next episode...
I met *Hal (no he's not shallow) on match and had a GREAT date on Tuesday. A 3 hour date. One of those dates where you wish you could keep talking, but you have to work the next day. Shared the awkward kiss at the end of the night. Felt butterflies. He texts me later saying he had a great time and books the next date (that's how it's done)! PERFECT.. except what transpired from there...
His match profile said he was separated and at dinner he tells me he's been separated since February. He also moved to my town then too, so okay... makes sense. He has an 11 month old. I'm cool with kids, but I'm thinking "oh wow, that's young" of course. We talked about online stuff and I told him he's welcome to Google me, I have nothing to hide and we had some laughs about that one and he said he was on Facebook but his profile is private due to pictures of his daughter and such.
So on a boring, lonely, sitting-and-eating-pizza-and-Sourpatch-kids-Friday-night, I'm on Facebook and decide to search for him and low & behold... his profile is NOT PRIVATE! He has it set so people in his network can see his page (and hence how guys get caught....)
Of course I begin looking through the pictures (I mean, hello, who wouldn't?) and I find pics from the 4th of July. Aw how cute... look at his little daughter (adorable). Aw... look at him holding her (how cute is that?).
Aw... how NOT CUTE IS THAT RING ON HIS FINGER???? Aw... HOW NOT CUTE IS HIS WIFE SITTING NEXT TO HIM HOLDING THE DAUGHTER WITH HIM IN THE PICTURE??
I can't read anymore. I can't think. I need to call in reinforcements - someone who can stay calm and help me in this dire time of need. I call (cue Mission Impossible music)...my detective agency. All women have a detective agency. ALL of them. Some people call them friends, but that's just an alias. They will know what to do.
Phone call to Dawn in Michigan. I picture her with oversized black bug-sunglasses, a black beret and a Spy vs. Spy black trenchcoat, codename Natasha, as I tell her the caper. She asks for my password, logs in and begins to search. At the same moment I walk across the hall to see *Gina, Codename 'Bruiser' (she'll cut a bitch) . I picture her like Samantha in Sex & the City when she found Richard eating another woman's sushi - all Raquel Welch-wigged and trench-coated as well, with killer heels and a know-it-all, sinister smile. She and her trusty sidekick Kato (okay, that's not her dog's name) are on it. Her fingers fly to the computer with lightening speed as she logs in and begins her investigation. Dawn is to the scene of the crime first.
She peruses the suspect's profile.
Natasha: "Okay, I'm in. I'm going through his updates. He's really boring." (furious typing) (Frustrated) "Really, these updates are so boring. All he does is say 'It's Monday' 'It's Tuesday' and not much else. This looks like a single guy profile. " (I appreciate the assessment). "But wait" (oh no). "I see on here that under his status, is doesn't list anything and it says he's looking for friendship and networking."
Bruiser: "Okay, he's wearing the same shirt in this picture but he's NOT wearing the ring. Wait, are you sure that's his daughter and not a niece?" ( Fingers madly type, creating a clicking rhythm in the room.) "No that's his daughter."
Natasha: (with spy kit in hand) "Wait, this makes no sense. He has over 200 friends. If he split from his wife, don't you think SOMEONE would comment?" (I can envision the quizzical look on her brow and more furious typing. She is momentarily distracted by her daughter. A rookie mistake that could have cost her her life. Thankfully Bruiser is there to save the day).
Bruiser: "Wait a second. Yes, you are right. He is DEFINITELY wearing a ring. I can't tell if SHE is though. Let me keep looking." (She's accessing the photos of others who have posted photos on the profile. More furious typing). "I can't tell."
Natasha: "All I can find is that he misses his daughter and he was traveling a lot for work. Nothing about a wife. Nothing. I don't know. Maybe they were separated."
Bruiser assesses the situation: "I agree. They might have just been together for the family, ya know?"
Natasha: "Yeah, but that doesn't really look like he's been separated since February."
Bruiser: "Agreed"
I await their final report.
Bruiser: "Okay, go out with him tomorrow. At least get a nice meal and a concert out of it. Ask a few questions, but don't LOOK like you are looking for answers. It's crucial that you NOT give away your identity."
Natasha: "I agree. Find out what's going on, but under NO circumstances can you tell him where you found your information. Guys think this stuff is psycho. If you do that, we may be found out and never be able to help you again. Be smart. Be safe." click... Natasha is disconnected.
So I am going an a reconnaissance mission tonight, er... 2nd date, to see what's up. One small tidbit though... when talking to Hal last night he revealed he's been separated since April. So he tacked on 2 months. Maybe by tonight I'll get the truth and it will be June or something.
Will Regina find true love? Will we find out the true story of the mysterious Hal? Stay tuned for our next episode...
Sunday, August 23, 2009
The conundrum of match.com
Been home sick and not venturing much into the dating world (another slow time, what can I say) so I'm at home perusing my options on match between naps and bowls of chicken soup.
So... I get winked at by this guy today and had to comment on this to the blog. It's too tragic not to comment. He has 2 pics, both exactly the same except for the fact that in the 2nd pic, he is shirtless (a pet peeve of mine you don't EVEN want to get me started on). Okay, I can't help myself, I'm started - why are you taking shirtless pictures? It is NOT a turn on. It's basically saying you're a giant douchebag (see douchebagitis post). It's like, "Hey look at me and my awesome bod, ladies." His name is probably Guido. Or Nick. C'mon guys - I don't want or need to see you shirtless. Without saying a word, you basically confirmed that you are self-absorbed, inconsiderate and probably lousy in bed (those who are good don't need to advertise the goods). In this scenario there is a bigger problem though. This match doesn't have a fantastic bod. This match.com shirtless guy has man boobs. He's a douchebag who doesn't even realize he has man boobs.
And...
The man boob nipple I can see clearly is pierced.
Ew.
I suppose this is sorta like a chubby girl like me getting her belly pierced. It's a complete no-no. This pierced man boob is like a droopy boob with a little loop on the end of it. Is it for towing? A place to clip your keys so you don't lose them? Maybe he keeps pulling on it, creating his saggy National Geographic-like droopy boobs? Can you tie em' in a knot? Can you tie em' in a bow? Maybe he's one of those weirdos who enters competitions where he lifts massive weights with his piercings and odd body parts? Seriously, have you ever seen those dudes who lift huge weights with their penises? Disturbing. Google it.
Then to top it off, he says he's in law enforcement, but he's "well off" and makes over $150K/year but the pics, in the background (do guys not realize we analyze every piece of background in those self-portraits?) there is a lava lamp. Yes, a blue lava lamp. There is also a clock with fruit on it like what my grandmother would have... in 1961. Except another small problem - this cell-phone camera self-portrait is in the bathroom. How do I know? Right below the hideous grandma clock is the toilet. Ohhhh sexy. Take a photo in the can and put THAT on match. I'm yours.
Seriously, this could be the love of my life, right?
So... I get winked at by this guy today and had to comment on this to the blog. It's too tragic not to comment. He has 2 pics, both exactly the same except for the fact that in the 2nd pic, he is shirtless (a pet peeve of mine you don't EVEN want to get me started on). Okay, I can't help myself, I'm started - why are you taking shirtless pictures? It is NOT a turn on. It's basically saying you're a giant douchebag (see douchebagitis post). It's like, "Hey look at me and my awesome bod, ladies." His name is probably Guido. Or Nick. C'mon guys - I don't want or need to see you shirtless. Without saying a word, you basically confirmed that you are self-absorbed, inconsiderate and probably lousy in bed (those who are good don't need to advertise the goods). In this scenario there is a bigger problem though. This match doesn't have a fantastic bod. This match.com shirtless guy has man boobs. He's a douchebag who doesn't even realize he has man boobs.
And...
The man boob nipple I can see clearly is pierced.
Ew.
I suppose this is sorta like a chubby girl like me getting her belly pierced. It's a complete no-no. This pierced man boob is like a droopy boob with a little loop on the end of it. Is it for towing? A place to clip your keys so you don't lose them? Maybe he keeps pulling on it, creating his saggy National Geographic-like droopy boobs? Can you tie em' in a knot? Can you tie em' in a bow? Maybe he's one of those weirdos who enters competitions where he lifts massive weights with his piercings and odd body parts? Seriously, have you ever seen those dudes who lift huge weights with their penises? Disturbing. Google it.
Then to top it off, he says he's in law enforcement, but he's "well off" and makes over $150K/year but the pics, in the background (do guys not realize we analyze every piece of background in those self-portraits?) there is a lava lamp. Yes, a blue lava lamp. There is also a clock with fruit on it like what my grandmother would have... in 1961. Except another small problem - this cell-phone camera self-portrait is in the bathroom. How do I know? Right below the hideous grandma clock is the toilet. Ohhhh sexy. Take a photo in the can and put THAT on match. I'm yours.
Seriously, this could be the love of my life, right?
Monday, August 17, 2009
Another dry spell so now I'm a hooligan!!
Yeah, it's been a dry spell here in the dating pool, but that doesn't mean I'm not keeping myself amused. Saturday night, after a fun night at the bar, Tara, Kim and I decide to go in my apartment complex hot tub at 3am. Yeah... smart. The funniest part - we show up, drunk off our asses and there are 2 people there when we get there. Once we get in we realize - these other 2 people are naked!! EWWWWWWWWW! Except we don't even realize it cuz we've been drinking! So we proceed to just hang out and then:
FLASHLIGHT!!!
Oh crap. It's our complex cop. And he's not a rent-a-cop, he's a real cop. Oh boy. All I can think is... thank God I'm not naked.
Cop: "Uh, you guys live here?"
Us: (silence)
Cop: "You know the pool closes at 10"
Us: (silence)
Cop: "Someone live here?"
Me: Uh, yeah. Sorry.
Cop: "What apartment do you live in?"
Me: Uh... 822 (total lie)
Then Kim proceeds to jump out of the hot tub and flirt with the cop. Thank God I hang out with girls skinny enough to wear bikinis. The ultimate cop deflectors. Tara and I get out too and start talking to him. Tara's in a bikini too (go deflectors!!!!) The poor naked people are stuck in the hot tub. All this time I'm thinking of that SNL skit where Will Ferrell is talking to his "lovvah" in the "hottub" and they are eating meat. Weird. I know.
So we wind up standing outside talking to this cop until 4am. Turns out, he's kinda flirting with Kim and telling her he's going to hook her up with some friend of his. (Go Kim!!)
Meanwhile, the poor naked people have to jump out, naked. Hehe... naked people.
Ah, who needs guys when you can get busted by the cops in a hottub at 3am with some naked people!!!
FLASHLIGHT!!!
Oh crap. It's our complex cop. And he's not a rent-a-cop, he's a real cop. Oh boy. All I can think is... thank God I'm not naked.
Cop: "Uh, you guys live here?"
Us: (silence)
Cop: "You know the pool closes at 10"
Us: (silence)
Cop: "Someone live here?"
Me: Uh, yeah. Sorry.
Cop: "What apartment do you live in?"
Me: Uh... 822 (total lie)
Then Kim proceeds to jump out of the hot tub and flirt with the cop. Thank God I hang out with girls skinny enough to wear bikinis. The ultimate cop deflectors. Tara and I get out too and start talking to him. Tara's in a bikini too (go deflectors!!!!) The poor naked people are stuck in the hot tub. All this time I'm thinking of that SNL skit where Will Ferrell is talking to his "lovvah" in the "hottub" and they are eating meat. Weird. I know.
So we wind up standing outside talking to this cop until 4am. Turns out, he's kinda flirting with Kim and telling her he's going to hook her up with some friend of his. (Go Kim!!)
Meanwhile, the poor naked people have to jump out, naked. Hehe... naked people.
Ah, who needs guys when you can get busted by the cops in a hottub at 3am with some naked people!!!
Sunday, July 26, 2009
The pimp returns and the "Mutton Chop" Man...
It's feast or famine in date town these days! This week.. FEAST... 2 prospects we'll call *Jake and *Daquan (okay that's just for fun, let's go with *Dave)
Here's my gripe of the week though with online dudes - QUIT. LYING. ABOUT. YOUR. HEIGHT!!! I am soooo sick of guys who are 5'8 5'9 and saying they are 5'10. STOP. Not only does it impact my shoe choice, it's actually a pretty big deal when the girl you are dating is 5'7. If I wear heels, I will be TALLER than you and it makes me feel totally awkward. I say this because this happened not once but twice on my Yeah-I'm-the-Pimp two days of dating here.
Jake's from NY! Seems pretty intelligent and we met Friday night for a drink. First impression - small guy. He claimed the 5'10 and I give him maybe 5'9 on a GOOD day. One drink turned into two (good sign) and we stayed out talking for about 3 hours. Great conversation and I do believe a second date will happen. The only issue - no spark : ( Not on the first date, but I'm not sure if that's just my hangups right now. The big one being (no pun intended), that I'm bigger than him, as in weight-wise, and I've never had that happen before and it makes me feel weird and awkward. I figure a second date is in order though to see what's up.
Now, onto horrible date #2 - The Mutton Chop Man. Dave's profile said he was 38. We met for a movie on Saturday (a horrible date decision - his choice by the way because you can't talk). When he walked up I was majorly disappointed. For one - he was very chatty, funny, conversational on the phone. In person he was a complete and utter DUD!!!!!!!!!!!! This has happened a few times, and I call it the "Bait & Switch". He represents himself on the phone as very confident, fun, etc and in person - a complete mess, lacking confidence, etc. He gave me one of those horrible limp-wrist handshakes and I knew it was over. First of all - that dude hasn't seen his 30's for probably 10 years. I think he was probably 48 years old and lying about his age. AND, his pics online were NOT recent, no way, no how. They probably WERE pics of him when he was 38... 10 years ago! I'm sorry, but that's just not cool. He had these horrible bushy mutton-chops on the side of his head. Was that a strange homage to Elvis? no clue...
Ya know, the looks thing and picking on him, sure I sound superficial, but you NEED to represent yourself how you really are because immediately, I was turned off because he looked nothing like the photos he posted. But the worst part was his awkward nature. He asks ME to a movie, and then didn't pay (sorry guys, but I believe a gentleman pays on the 1st date). Then after the movie, we have some chitchat about the movie and then... silence. That horrid, awkward silence. He doesn't say anything about getting coffee, going to talk, he just looks at me like he has NO idea what to do now. I had these flashback to the 40-Year-Old-Virgin. Hmmm.. maybe. I just can't deal with lack of confidence. Nervous? Fine, everyone gets nervous time to time, but you need to SPEAK. Don't just stand their staring at me with a look like you're about to shit your pants. I think he was lacking dating experience.
(Sigh)... will keep you all posted on the status of *Jake. : )
Here's my gripe of the week though with online dudes - QUIT. LYING. ABOUT. YOUR. HEIGHT!!! I am soooo sick of guys who are 5'8 5'9 and saying they are 5'10. STOP. Not only does it impact my shoe choice, it's actually a pretty big deal when the girl you are dating is 5'7. If I wear heels, I will be TALLER than you and it makes me feel totally awkward. I say this because this happened not once but twice on my Yeah-I'm-the-Pimp two days of dating here.
Jake's from NY! Seems pretty intelligent and we met Friday night for a drink. First impression - small guy. He claimed the 5'10 and I give him maybe 5'9 on a GOOD day. One drink turned into two (good sign) and we stayed out talking for about 3 hours. Great conversation and I do believe a second date will happen. The only issue - no spark : ( Not on the first date, but I'm not sure if that's just my hangups right now. The big one being (no pun intended), that I'm bigger than him, as in weight-wise, and I've never had that happen before and it makes me feel weird and awkward. I figure a second date is in order though to see what's up.
Now, onto horrible date #2 - The Mutton Chop Man. Dave's profile said he was 38. We met for a movie on Saturday (a horrible date decision - his choice by the way because you can't talk). When he walked up I was majorly disappointed. For one - he was very chatty, funny, conversational on the phone. In person he was a complete and utter DUD!!!!!!!!!!!! This has happened a few times, and I call it the "Bait & Switch". He represents himself on the phone as very confident, fun, etc and in person - a complete mess, lacking confidence, etc. He gave me one of those horrible limp-wrist handshakes and I knew it was over. First of all - that dude hasn't seen his 30's for probably 10 years. I think he was probably 48 years old and lying about his age. AND, his pics online were NOT recent, no way, no how. They probably WERE pics of him when he was 38... 10 years ago! I'm sorry, but that's just not cool. He had these horrible bushy mutton-chops on the side of his head. Was that a strange homage to Elvis? no clue...
Ya know, the looks thing and picking on him, sure I sound superficial, but you NEED to represent yourself how you really are because immediately, I was turned off because he looked nothing like the photos he posted. But the worst part was his awkward nature. He asks ME to a movie, and then didn't pay (sorry guys, but I believe a gentleman pays on the 1st date). Then after the movie, we have some chitchat about the movie and then... silence. That horrid, awkward silence. He doesn't say anything about getting coffee, going to talk, he just looks at me like he has NO idea what to do now. I had these flashback to the 40-Year-Old-Virgin. Hmmm.. maybe. I just can't deal with lack of confidence. Nervous? Fine, everyone gets nervous time to time, but you need to SPEAK. Don't just stand their staring at me with a look like you're about to shit your pants. I think he was lacking dating experience.
(Sigh)... will keep you all posted on the status of *Jake. : )
Monday, July 13, 2009
Beware of psychotic pork chops!
Ya know ladies, trust your gut. If your gut is unreliable, trust your friends' guts. They all told me this guy was loony.
Mine told me that *Rich, or as we shall call him "Pork Chop", the guy with the weird dog decor, was possessive and perhaps mildly psycho. I hate being right all the freakin' time. The first hint - his incessant text messages BEFORE we met (see a few posts ago). After standing me up last week (I sent 3 messages with no response and said 'oh well'), he decides to contact me and of course I've decided "I'm just not that into him" so I send the nice "you're a nice guy, but I'm not feeling it" email and that I felt brushed off by him the week before, but it's all good, good luck to you.
Here's the lovely, kind-hearted reply I get: Message 1 "That's pretty fucked up to send that sentiment in an email. And for the record.. I didn't brush you off. I didn't call u about dinner because I knew ur friend was coming into town and u probably wanted to prepare... then I never heard anything more from you about possible karaoke or jack shit"
Me: no response (I'm driving in the car) And mind you, what he's saying makes NO sense.. he asked me to dinner. I said yes. He never replied to my 3 texts to set up a time.
Message 2 "That's really fucked up... seems like u were just looking for an excuse to end it and then did it via email... grow up" I would like to point out the irony here that he is TEXTING me this - basically the EXACT same as email!!!!!!
So I respond with "I asked u what time u wanted to do dinner wed. I texted you THREE times tuesday night and received NO response. You stood ME up. I'm just done. I hate drama."
He sends this: "I received no text from u tues nite...probably because..hmm.. let's see.. CELL SEVICE SUCKS IN THE MNTS!! Of course being from a flat state u wuldn't know that. a minute later he sends "doesn't really matter..I don't believe in dating rude yankees and u seem to be exactly that. maybe in detroit but not here honey...bye"
Oh my God.. I just got called a "yankee"... really? I think that's actually REALLY cool!!!!! Go Yankees!
And cell service may suck... but most of the messages go thru...eventually. Funny how ALL of mine get dropped?
I respond with "Whatev.. I already said good luck in my email and don't understand the anger. I don't want anything to do with drama"
Ah, but that's not the end of it... I get another email tonight: "you know.....i shoulda kicked ur ass to the curb the 1st time u were rude to me....but i actually liked you and wanted to work thru it.....ha.....my mistake huh. oh well.....guess you got some free meals out of it......hope that helps with ur financial situation.......peace out biotch! "
Now I'm a rude, Yankee bitch. I can live with that.
Yup, and the meals were good. Maybe you shoulda let me pay when I offered and not expected anything in return... like a GENTLEMAN!
My response: *Pork Chop, I don't appreciate the angry messages and would appreciate if you would stop. This just didn't work out and I believe it's for the best. The bottom line - I liked you A LOT. You blew this, make that very very clear when you didn't respond last week. You have noone to be angry at but yourself or your most unreliable cell service in the state. You can call me a bitch, a yankee, rude whatever makes you feel better. All the names you've called me have only proven that I made the right decision.
So ladies, avoid this situation. Avoid guys with "meat" names like Pork Chop, Tbone, Meatloaf, Rump Roast, whatever... (thanks for the advice Tiff)... I really don't like the other white meat. I find it annoying and kinda crusty.
Mine told me that *Rich, or as we shall call him "Pork Chop", the guy with the weird dog decor, was possessive and perhaps mildly psycho. I hate being right all the freakin' time. The first hint - his incessant text messages BEFORE we met (see a few posts ago). After standing me up last week (I sent 3 messages with no response and said 'oh well'), he decides to contact me and of course I've decided "I'm just not that into him" so I send the nice "you're a nice guy, but I'm not feeling it" email and that I felt brushed off by him the week before, but it's all good, good luck to you.
Here's the lovely, kind-hearted reply I get: Message 1 "That's pretty fucked up to send that sentiment in an email. And for the record.. I didn't brush you off. I didn't call u about dinner because I knew ur friend was coming into town and u probably wanted to prepare... then I never heard anything more from you about possible karaoke or jack shit"
Me: no response (I'm driving in the car) And mind you, what he's saying makes NO sense.. he asked me to dinner. I said yes. He never replied to my 3 texts to set up a time.
Message 2 "That's really fucked up... seems like u were just looking for an excuse to end it and then did it via email... grow up" I would like to point out the irony here that he is TEXTING me this - basically the EXACT same as email!!!!!!
So I respond with "I asked u what time u wanted to do dinner wed. I texted you THREE times tuesday night and received NO response. You stood ME up. I'm just done. I hate drama."
He sends this: "I received no text from u tues nite...probably because..hmm.. let's see.. CELL SEVICE SUCKS IN THE MNTS!! Of course being from a flat state u wuldn't know that. a minute later he sends "doesn't really matter..I don't believe in dating rude yankees and u seem to be exactly that. maybe in detroit but not here honey...bye"
Oh my God.. I just got called a "yankee"... really? I think that's actually REALLY cool!!!!! Go Yankees!
And cell service may suck... but most of the messages go thru...eventually. Funny how ALL of mine get dropped?
I respond with "Whatev.. I already said good luck in my email and don't understand the anger. I don't want anything to do with drama"
Ah, but that's not the end of it... I get another email tonight: "you know.....i shoulda kicked ur ass to the curb the 1st time u were rude to me....but i actually liked you and wanted to work thru it.....ha.....my mistake huh. oh well.....guess you got some free meals out of it......hope that helps with ur financial situation.......peace out biotch! "
Now I'm a rude, Yankee bitch. I can live with that.
Yup, and the meals were good. Maybe you shoulda let me pay when I offered and not expected anything in return... like a GENTLEMAN!
My response: *Pork Chop, I don't appreciate the angry messages and would appreciate if you would stop. This just didn't work out and I believe it's for the best. The bottom line - I liked you A LOT. You blew this, make that very very clear when you didn't respond last week. You have noone to be angry at but yourself or your most unreliable cell service in the state. You can call me a bitch, a yankee, rude whatever makes you feel better. All the names you've called me have only proven that I made the right decision.
So ladies, avoid this situation. Avoid guys with "meat" names like Pork Chop, Tbone, Meatloaf, Rump Roast, whatever... (thanks for the advice Tiff)... I really don't like the other white meat. I find it annoying and kinda crusty.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Scary bachelor pads...
There is always that frightening moment walking into a guy's place for the first time... and this happened with *Rich the other day. Now, I understand that dogs are precious and wonderful. I would love to have a dog, however, I have NO desire to decorate WITH dogs. Yup, Rich has a daschund which means he has daschund knick-knacks EVERYWHERE! It was ... um.. odd. Little candles, all lined up.. on the enlongated wooden back of a daschund. Some wood carver actually took the time to make this piece of crap? And then my date shopped, saw that piece of crap and said, "I have to have that piece of crap?" and paid MONEY for the said piece of crap?? I should protest the unnecessary, cruel treatment of that beautiful wood for such a lousy piece of crap.
Daschund plates on the wall (hey there little old lady!), even a little life-size daschund statue on the floor. And apparently the dog has a bladder issue (the real dog, not the statue) because he has this huge diaper pad on the floor for the dog. That's attractive. Ever hear of potty training?
On to the bedroom on the tour and... leaning against the wall... a shotgun!! WHICH - I find out later is "loaded and ready". No, no.. that's not scary or anything when I come to your apt for the 1st time!!! On the wall of the bedroom, you guessed it - more daschund shit!!! Then he says "these are pictures of my last dog" cute, but wait... what is that? Yes, there was a tiny urn next to the pictures. I think the guy has his dead dog's ashes!!! A shrine to the dead dog?? Now I know there are pet lovers who will think that is totally normal, but in my world... it's coo-coo.
And here's the latest update... The first few couple dates always feel a bit like a job interview, presenting that "best possible scenario" to the other party. So Rich and I went out again to dinner, date #3. I guess the dachund shit didn't scare me too bad. I have my mom to blame for that; she reminded me that when my aunt started dating my uncle, he had stuffed fish everywhere... you go there now and there are NO fish. However, I'm starting to notice a few red flags though and some odd behavior...
We're driving in the car and he says, "What do you think of these?" Now, that would be a great line in a porno if he were pointing at his testicles, but no it was pieces of paper (thank God). I look and they are real estate listings... for $550-$650,000 houses. Okay, what do I think of ... what? You want to buy me a house? You want me to give you my detailed synopsis of art deco vs. art nouveau styles of architecture? That's a LOADED question if I ever heard one. I replied, "Are you looking to buy a house?" and he says, "Yeah.. I'm thinking about it." Okay, so again... what do I think about.. what? So I say, "They seem like beautiful homes. I guess you'll have to go thru them and pick whatever is right for you."
I'm sensing this was a "test" question. Was he seeing if I wanted to live in a house? Live with HIM in the house? Clean the house? Best suggest how to decorate the house with daschund pieces of crap??? I don't get it.....??? Any ideas appreciated... the other odd part was his profile says he makes $50-75,000 a year (hey, he volunteered the info, I never asked or cared).. so can he even afford that kind of house?). He doesn't even own a washer and dryer!!!
The rest of the date went fine... I'm cool with just dating this guy right now though, just happy playing the field, nothing serious on the horizon!
Daschund plates on the wall (hey there little old lady!), even a little life-size daschund statue on the floor. And apparently the dog has a bladder issue (the real dog, not the statue) because he has this huge diaper pad on the floor for the dog. That's attractive. Ever hear of potty training?
On to the bedroom on the tour and... leaning against the wall... a shotgun!! WHICH - I find out later is "loaded and ready". No, no.. that's not scary or anything when I come to your apt for the 1st time!!! On the wall of the bedroom, you guessed it - more daschund shit!!! Then he says "these are pictures of my last dog" cute, but wait... what is that? Yes, there was a tiny urn next to the pictures. I think the guy has his dead dog's ashes!!! A shrine to the dead dog?? Now I know there are pet lovers who will think that is totally normal, but in my world... it's coo-coo.
And here's the latest update... The first few couple dates always feel a bit like a job interview, presenting that "best possible scenario" to the other party. So Rich and I went out again to dinner, date #3. I guess the dachund shit didn't scare me too bad. I have my mom to blame for that; she reminded me that when my aunt started dating my uncle, he had stuffed fish everywhere... you go there now and there are NO fish. However, I'm starting to notice a few red flags though and some odd behavior...
We're driving in the car and he says, "What do you think of these?" Now, that would be a great line in a porno if he were pointing at his testicles, but no it was pieces of paper (thank God). I look and they are real estate listings... for $550-$650,000 houses. Okay, what do I think of ... what? You want to buy me a house? You want me to give you my detailed synopsis of art deco vs. art nouveau styles of architecture? That's a LOADED question if I ever heard one. I replied, "Are you looking to buy a house?" and he says, "Yeah.. I'm thinking about it." Okay, so again... what do I think about.. what? So I say, "They seem like beautiful homes. I guess you'll have to go thru them and pick whatever is right for you."
I'm sensing this was a "test" question. Was he seeing if I wanted to live in a house? Live with HIM in the house? Clean the house? Best suggest how to decorate the house with daschund pieces of crap??? I don't get it.....??? Any ideas appreciated... the other odd part was his profile says he makes $50-75,000 a year (hey, he volunteered the info, I never asked or cared).. so can he even afford that kind of house?). He doesn't even own a washer and dryer!!!
The rest of the date went fine... I'm cool with just dating this guy right now though, just happy playing the field, nothing serious on the horizon!
Friday, July 3, 2009
Sooooo NOT a stalker! (YEAH)
soooooo.. Turns out my dude is NOT a stalker. Had a fantastic first date. He explained that he used to be married and the wife cheated on him, so I think he's gonna have a few trust issues, but well... so do I. I just realized that I need to take is slow and take time to get to know *Rich and see what happens? Turns out "stalker" could be just "into you" :) Who knew? And there is NOTHING wrong with that! I explained that I'm a very independent person and it's important to me not to feel "clung" to or anything like that because that's often a big turn-off. Hopefully, he'll take that to heart.
Went to a nice dinner, followed by a few bites of cheesecake (ah, he found my weakness.. that stuff is like kryptonite), walked me to a car, and a very nice 1st kiss. Here's a BIG BRAVO to the good kissers.
Date #2 will be tonight, so here's hoping.....
Went to a nice dinner, followed by a few bites of cheesecake (ah, he found my weakness.. that stuff is like kryptonite), walked me to a car, and a very nice 1st kiss. Here's a BIG BRAVO to the good kissers.
Date #2 will be tonight, so here's hoping.....
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Stalker alert?
Ah, you be the judge... stalker behavior or adorably clueless?
Met *Rich off of match, elevated to the talking on the phone stage and on Monday, we have a nice, comfortable 1 hour conversation and make plans for dinner on Thursday (today).
Tuesday, he texts me and then calls me that night, the only ?? during that conversation is that he says, "if we hit it off on Thursday, what are you doing Sunday?" He's already booking a 2nd date without meeting? SLOW DOWN fella! I tell him we'll meet 1st and see how it goes. He has to hang up the phone, says he'll call me back after he has dinner. Now - here's one of my cardinal rules of internet dating - don't talk TOO much on the phone before the 1st date, for several reasons. 1 - You might not hit it off and you'll be pissed at yourself that you spent that much time on the phone 2 - I really don't like to talk that much on the phone and 3 - I want to leave enough conversation for the 1st date and not feel like it's a struggle for conversation.
Soooo... I white-lied and told Rich that I might be going out with a friend that night, so when he called back an hour later, I didn't answer. An hour later, I texted him:
"Sry I missed ur call. Will talk to you tomorrow."
Response from Rich: "Did you go out with your friend? I'm still up if you want to call"
Me: "Yeah, out & catching up.. talk tomorrow"
Rich: "Okay, have fun. I'll be thinking about cha!"
Hmmmm.. here's where my next "??" popped in my head because why would you be thinking about someone you haven't met? Oh well, innocent, right... ?
So the next day I decide to go to a local park.
10:15 text from Rich: "Good morning. How are you today?"
I'm leaving, out the door so I don't respond. 2:30 that afternoon I come back to my phone. Here are the 2 text messages:
11:15: "Are u alive?"
2:15: "Did I do something wrong?"
Okay, NOW I'm sorta pissed. I'm BUSY and this guy is acting like a jealous boyfriend. He's at WORK mind you while he's sending this. If I had to do it over again I would have said that I was gone all day and just got to my phone, but I responded:
"No, I'm at the park. Didn't have my phone."
"Oh, okay, I thought I put my foot in my mouth or something when you didn't respond."
"No, I'm out and about. I actually do go out when I'm off work." (snark snark, yes)
"Well I'm looking forward to talking to you"
"I might be home latr. I'll call you."
Okay, I didn't call. The main thing was - I needed some space. We have plans for Thursday. I have every intention of keeping them. I don't need to text this guy all day, call him every day, nor do I need him keeping tabs on what I do. I decide I will call him the next day, Wednesday, but....
11:00pm that night: "Have a good nite"
That's the text. Now it's obvious that he's mad I didn't call or something, but dude, CONTAIN yourself. He sounds like... a needy CHIC! I was lying in bed but texted,
"Sorry, fell asleep"
Rich: "Sry to bother u"
me: "Are you being sarcastic??? I can't tell in a text"
Rich: "No, sorry I woke you up. I just hope we talk again before we go out"
me: "I'm sure we will"
End of discussion. So yesterday, I don't text him during the day because I know he's at work and I don't bother people at work, so around 6:30pm I call and leave a voicemail and said I wanted to see if we're still going out Thursday and what time and such. He didn't call back. Oh, he's playing my game now...
So... there are 2 predictions I have: 1 - he won't be calling and got mad at me that I didn't call him sooner or that I didn't call him that night I "fell asleep". Which...stupid! Hello, we aren't going out till Thursday... CHILL! In that situation, I'm totally fine with it, because that means he's clingy/needy/not confident which is NOT something I'm attracted to or 2 - he will respond today and we will go out. Who knows.
My point with all this is - my friends are telling me he sounds kinda jealous/possessive type. I gave him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he's just really excited about our date?
I have no clue what to think. Lord, please don't let me get my bunny boiled.
Met *Rich off of match, elevated to the talking on the phone stage and on Monday, we have a nice, comfortable 1 hour conversation and make plans for dinner on Thursday (today).
Tuesday, he texts me and then calls me that night, the only ?? during that conversation is that he says, "if we hit it off on Thursday, what are you doing Sunday?" He's already booking a 2nd date without meeting? SLOW DOWN fella! I tell him we'll meet 1st and see how it goes. He has to hang up the phone, says he'll call me back after he has dinner. Now - here's one of my cardinal rules of internet dating - don't talk TOO much on the phone before the 1st date, for several reasons. 1 - You might not hit it off and you'll be pissed at yourself that you spent that much time on the phone 2 - I really don't like to talk that much on the phone and 3 - I want to leave enough conversation for the 1st date and not feel like it's a struggle for conversation.
Soooo... I white-lied and told Rich that I might be going out with a friend that night, so when he called back an hour later, I didn't answer. An hour later, I texted him:
"Sry I missed ur call. Will talk to you tomorrow."
Response from Rich: "Did you go out with your friend? I'm still up if you want to call"
Me: "Yeah, out & catching up.. talk tomorrow"
Rich: "Okay, have fun. I'll be thinking about cha!"
Hmmmm.. here's where my next "??" popped in my head because why would you be thinking about someone you haven't met? Oh well, innocent, right... ?
So the next day I decide to go to a local park.
10:15 text from Rich: "Good morning. How are you today?"
I'm leaving, out the door so I don't respond. 2:30 that afternoon I come back to my phone. Here are the 2 text messages:
11:15: "Are u alive?"
2:15: "Did I do something wrong?"
Okay, NOW I'm sorta pissed. I'm BUSY and this guy is acting like a jealous boyfriend. He's at WORK mind you while he's sending this. If I had to do it over again I would have said that I was gone all day and just got to my phone, but I responded:
"No, I'm at the park. Didn't have my phone."
"Oh, okay, I thought I put my foot in my mouth or something when you didn't respond."
"No, I'm out and about. I actually do go out when I'm off work." (snark snark, yes)
"Well I'm looking forward to talking to you"
"I might be home latr. I'll call you."
Okay, I didn't call. The main thing was - I needed some space. We have plans for Thursday. I have every intention of keeping them. I don't need to text this guy all day, call him every day, nor do I need him keeping tabs on what I do. I decide I will call him the next day, Wednesday, but....
11:00pm that night: "Have a good nite"
That's the text. Now it's obvious that he's mad I didn't call or something, but dude, CONTAIN yourself. He sounds like... a needy CHIC! I was lying in bed but texted,
"Sorry, fell asleep"
Rich: "Sry to bother u"
me: "Are you being sarcastic??? I can't tell in a text"
Rich: "No, sorry I woke you up. I just hope we talk again before we go out"
me: "I'm sure we will"
End of discussion. So yesterday, I don't text him during the day because I know he's at work and I don't bother people at work, so around 6:30pm I call and leave a voicemail and said I wanted to see if we're still going out Thursday and what time and such. He didn't call back. Oh, he's playing my game now...
So... there are 2 predictions I have: 1 - he won't be calling and got mad at me that I didn't call him sooner or that I didn't call him that night I "fell asleep". Which...stupid! Hello, we aren't going out till Thursday... CHILL! In that situation, I'm totally fine with it, because that means he's clingy/needy/not confident which is NOT something I'm attracted to or 2 - he will respond today and we will go out. Who knows.
My point with all this is - my friends are telling me he sounds kinda jealous/possessive type. I gave him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he's just really excited about our date?
I have no clue what to think. Lord, please don't let me get my bunny boiled.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Am I the sugar-daddy type?
I was winked at by a 67 year old on match.com (I'm 34) and this got be wondering... could I? His profile says he's "looking for someone to spend my time and money on". I have time. I don't have money. Could this be the perfect relationship?
Now I know some people have May-December relationships and GOD BLESS YOU! Hey - I'm not judging; I'm speaking of ME here and I've never been into dudes old enough to be my dad (and my dad is 69.. FYI) What would we possibly have in common? I get a creepy vibe from the whole thing. Again, just me.
Can I be a Gretchen? (the chic from Real Housewives of Orange County who hooked up with an old dude) Can I go out with a guy I'm totally and completely not interested in just because he has money? Could I spend every day... just for stuff? Hmmm.. I dunno. Let's weigh the pros and cons:
Pros:
Money
Jewelry
Car
Rent
Free liquor (cuz damn, I would seriously need it)
Clothes
Boating
My parents will have another pinochle buddy
Nice meals
Vacations
I can learn to play shuffleboard
Find out what the hell canasta is
Fiber products at my disposal
Cons:
Saggy ass
Saggy balls
Viagra
Saggy jowls
Early bird specials
Pre-nuptial agreements
Living in retirement village (although the quiet would be nice)
Impending alcoholism caused by incessant drunken-ness
Boating with saggy ass, balls, jowls
Nice meals with saggy ass, balls, jowls
Vacations with saggy ass, balls, jowls
Yeah, that's a big fat no. It's not worth it.
Now I know some people have May-December relationships and GOD BLESS YOU! Hey - I'm not judging; I'm speaking of ME here and I've never been into dudes old enough to be my dad (and my dad is 69.. FYI) What would we possibly have in common? I get a creepy vibe from the whole thing. Again, just me.
Can I be a Gretchen? (the chic from Real Housewives of Orange County who hooked up with an old dude) Can I go out with a guy I'm totally and completely not interested in just because he has money? Could I spend every day... just for stuff? Hmmm.. I dunno. Let's weigh the pros and cons:
Pros:
Money
Jewelry
Car
Rent
Free liquor (cuz damn, I would seriously need it)
Clothes
Boating
My parents will have another pinochle buddy
Nice meals
Vacations
I can learn to play shuffleboard
Find out what the hell canasta is
Fiber products at my disposal
Cons:
Saggy ass
Saggy balls
Viagra
Saggy jowls
Early bird specials
Pre-nuptial agreements
Living in retirement village (although the quiet would be nice)
Impending alcoholism caused by incessant drunken-ness
Boating with saggy ass, balls, jowls
Nice meals with saggy ass, balls, jowls
Vacations with saggy ass, balls, jowls
Yeah, that's a big fat no. It's not worth it.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
I am NOT a reporter!
I often talk about "red flags" in dating and this a huge one that bugs the daylights out of me - incomplete profile information or starting off with 'I don't know what to say". WTF?
If you can’t take the time to fill out a complete profile with information about you, then you don’t have time for serious dating. I can’t tell you how many profiles I’ve looked at that say, “I don’t know what to put here” or there are short, 1-2 word answers. This is your time to SHINE. Convince me you are worth dating. Tell me about your hobbies and things that you love to do. Tell me what you’re looking for. Don’t tell me “I’ve never done this and have no idea what to say.” One of the best profiles I saw was specific and said he was looking for a “stay at home” type of woman. I knew that was not me. Another man said he loved women who are witty, spunky and have a smile that lights up the room. That one was a hit for me. Be honest in what you like and don’t like. Don’t put “ask me anything”. It’s not my job to ask you the questions. I’m not a reporter looking for an interview. Your profile is your adversiting section – a resume that I’m going to scan for compatibility . It’s your job to tell me about YOU. It’s not my job to ask the right questions.
Why is it that guys always put this??
On the personal dating front... not a lot happening. Sick of putting the digits out there with no calls. Why ask for my number dude? I'm hoping to see Starbucks dude again when he returns from his business trip... he has potential.
Oh, except one thing *GINA and I are out at the bar last night and I decide to call random dudes in the cell phone (why, oh why?) and I call the idiot that stood me up a few weeks ago. He winds up meeting us at the bar. I wound up realizing that I don't like him. I think I need to leave the cell phone HOME when I go to the bar!
If you can’t take the time to fill out a complete profile with information about you, then you don’t have time for serious dating. I can’t tell you how many profiles I’ve looked at that say, “I don’t know what to put here” or there are short, 1-2 word answers. This is your time to SHINE. Convince me you are worth dating. Tell me about your hobbies and things that you love to do. Tell me what you’re looking for. Don’t tell me “I’ve never done this and have no idea what to say.” One of the best profiles I saw was specific and said he was looking for a “stay at home” type of woman. I knew that was not me. Another man said he loved women who are witty, spunky and have a smile that lights up the room. That one was a hit for me. Be honest in what you like and don’t like. Don’t put “ask me anything”. It’s not my job to ask you the questions. I’m not a reporter looking for an interview. Your profile is your adversiting section – a resume that I’m going to scan for compatibility . It’s your job to tell me about YOU. It’s not my job to ask the right questions.
Why is it that guys always put this??
On the personal dating front... not a lot happening. Sick of putting the digits out there with no calls. Why ask for my number dude? I'm hoping to see Starbucks dude again when he returns from his business trip... he has potential.
Oh, except one thing *GINA and I are out at the bar last night and I decide to call random dudes in the cell phone (why, oh why?) and I call the idiot that stood me up a few weeks ago. He winds up meeting us at the bar. I wound up realizing that I don't like him. I think I need to leave the cell phone HOME when I go to the bar!
Monday, June 15, 2009
I hear banjo music.. this can't be good.
Date #1 - coffee with bachelor #1 was fantastic. Met at 9:30, stayed until 11:15, which is a good sign. Conversation was great! Bad part is that he's heading out of the country until the 27th, but he did send a text today, so I take that as something hopeful. I like him! : )
Now for date #2. Yes folks, I had ANOTHER hick. I think this is the 4th one. They lurk 'round these parts I guess (shit, did I just say that?). This one has a degree in physics and is an engineer. What college gave THIS guy a degree? It's frightening to ponder. We agree to meet for a drink and he picks the place - sounds like a sportsbar. Fine by me, but I'd never been there, so I didn't know what to expect. Shithole. That's what it was. I was pretty offended when I saw the place. I drove past and proceeded to call my sister-in-law, asking if she thought I should even go in. I've never ditched on a date, but c'mon - you don't take a girl to a shithole moron. You instantly told me just how much you thought of me at that point. I mean - hello? 1st date? A shithole? Come to think of it "The Shithole" would have been a better name. Think I'm lying? The waitress locked the door after we came in and I innocently asked if they were closing (please, please be closing so I can leave) and she replies, "No, at night we lock the door. You have to ring the bell to get in. We've been robbed too many times." Seriously.
So yeah, the guy is a hick. He talked about cement, which he pronounced SEE-ment and how all the guys he works with get "ripped drunk" all the time. Note: they are working on a huge construction project in Charlotte. I will never. EVER. set foot in that building. THESE are the guys constructing this? Oh, and he talked about fly fishing. And Nascar.
The only note-worthy event of the night is when I bent down to scratch a mosquito bite. He says, "what's wrong?" I say "nothing, just a mosquito bite I got while jogging." He says: "Yeah, you must work out a lot. I noticed you have incredible legs when you walked in." Nice compliment, except he proceeds to reach down and pat, pat me on the calf. What am I? A freakin' thoroughbred and you're patting to check my muscle density? Like "Yup, I'd put a saddle on this one and ride in allllllllllllllll day long!" (Please say with the hick-i-est accent you can muster). Or perhaps I'm like a car and he's "kickin' the tires"? Yeah, no checking the goods for stability, my friend.
I lasted one hour, watching the clock the entire time. He wants to see me again. I want to see a therapist and find out why I keep picking hicks.
Oh, and my good friend *Gina went out with a guy last night who's crown kept falling out and he kept apologizing. Teeth falling out? I say deal-breaker. She might go out with him again. As Gina says, "Girl's gotta eat."
Now for date #2. Yes folks, I had ANOTHER hick. I think this is the 4th one. They lurk 'round these parts I guess (shit, did I just say that?). This one has a degree in physics and is an engineer. What college gave THIS guy a degree? It's frightening to ponder. We agree to meet for a drink and he picks the place - sounds like a sportsbar. Fine by me, but I'd never been there, so I didn't know what to expect. Shithole. That's what it was. I was pretty offended when I saw the place. I drove past and proceeded to call my sister-in-law, asking if she thought I should even go in. I've never ditched on a date, but c'mon - you don't take a girl to a shithole moron. You instantly told me just how much you thought of me at that point. I mean - hello? 1st date? A shithole? Come to think of it "The Shithole" would have been a better name. Think I'm lying? The waitress locked the door after we came in and I innocently asked if they were closing (please, please be closing so I can leave) and she replies, "No, at night we lock the door. You have to ring the bell to get in. We've been robbed too many times." Seriously.
So yeah, the guy is a hick. He talked about cement, which he pronounced SEE-ment and how all the guys he works with get "ripped drunk" all the time. Note: they are working on a huge construction project in Charlotte. I will never. EVER. set foot in that building. THESE are the guys constructing this? Oh, and he talked about fly fishing. And Nascar.
The only note-worthy event of the night is when I bent down to scratch a mosquito bite. He says, "what's wrong?" I say "nothing, just a mosquito bite I got while jogging." He says: "Yeah, you must work out a lot. I noticed you have incredible legs when you walked in." Nice compliment, except he proceeds to reach down and pat, pat me on the calf. What am I? A freakin' thoroughbred and you're patting to check my muscle density? Like "Yup, I'd put a saddle on this one and ride in allllllllllllllll day long!" (Please say with the hick-i-est accent you can muster). Or perhaps I'm like a car and he's "kickin' the tires"? Yeah, no checking the goods for stability, my friend.
I lasted one hour, watching the clock the entire time. He wants to see me again. I want to see a therapist and find out why I keep picking hicks.
Oh, and my good friend *Gina went out with a guy last night who's crown kept falling out and he kept apologizing. Teeth falling out? I say deal-breaker. She might go out with him again. As Gina says, "Girl's gotta eat."
Friday, June 12, 2009
Dear Dr. Warren...
Dear Dr. Warren,
I'd like to say that the services at Eharmony have not quite lived up to expectation.. oh what the hell... Fuck you Dr. Warren!
Your service sucks. First of all, one of the first dates you sent me on in my new state was with a boob-watching lech who met me at a Moose (see page 1 of this blog). The scary part - according to you we were matched on many levels. What levels were those? He and I both like boobs (I do like mine, but still). We both like Red Lobster? We both um... ??? Please tell me the lasting bonds of relationships are not forged over the love of cheesy biscuits and cleavage.
I also hate your commercials. I've seen a total of what? 3 couples who have been matched, and the two on your website (LJ and Shannon... fuck them too) are the same every time you log on. So that's a total of 4 successful couples. If I see that hockey playing douchebag one more time I'm going to scream. Bravo Dr. Warren. The commercials are so story-book, happily-ever-after bullshit. Like my good friend Tiff says - I just want a man who will last longer than my oil change. Should I put that in my profile?
Maybe you should stop matching me based on my occupation. I'm onto you. I'm a teacher (shhh), so every idiot who writes "teacher" in their profile, it matches us. Is that SERIOUSLY the 'matched on many levels' crap you tout? So if someone puts "I'm hot for teachers".. that's the dude I get. Great. Think of the poor nurses out there who get the "I'm inspired by a naughty nurse." God help the french maids.
So Dr. Warren, I'm letting my subscription end because I seriously think after 6 months, you could've found me SOMEONE normal, or with less than 3,000 miles. I mean, seriously dude.
I'd like to say that the services at Eharmony have not quite lived up to expectation.. oh what the hell... Fuck you Dr. Warren!
Your service sucks. First of all, one of the first dates you sent me on in my new state was with a boob-watching lech who met me at a Moose (see page 1 of this blog). The scary part - according to you we were matched on many levels. What levels were those? He and I both like boobs (I do like mine, but still). We both like Red Lobster? We both um... ??? Please tell me the lasting bonds of relationships are not forged over the love of cheesy biscuits and cleavage.
I also hate your commercials. I've seen a total of what? 3 couples who have been matched, and the two on your website (LJ and Shannon... fuck them too) are the same every time you log on. So that's a total of 4 successful couples. If I see that hockey playing douchebag one more time I'm going to scream. Bravo Dr. Warren. The commercials are so story-book, happily-ever-after bullshit. Like my good friend Tiff says - I just want a man who will last longer than my oil change. Should I put that in my profile?
Maybe you should stop matching me based on my occupation. I'm onto you. I'm a teacher (shhh), so every idiot who writes "teacher" in their profile, it matches us. Is that SERIOUSLY the 'matched on many levels' crap you tout? So if someone puts "I'm hot for teachers".. that's the dude I get. Great. Think of the poor nurses out there who get the "I'm inspired by a naughty nurse." God help the french maids.
So Dr. Warren, I'm letting my subscription end because I seriously think after 6 months, you could've found me SOMEONE normal, or with less than 3,000 miles. I mean, seriously dude.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Please let these dates work out!!
So I have 2 dates lined up and I swear if I get stood up again, I'm crawling back in my hole!!
I've been out of the dating scene for a few weeks due to a crazy couple weeks, but I'm back in the saddle again (where IS my whip??)
Saturday morning - Date #1. Coffee at Starbucks. Safe. Quick. I hope it works out.
Date #2 - Drinks Sunday night. Safe. Quick. I hope it works out.
Date 1 is 12 years older, good job, seems like a fun guy but seems very laid back/casual, playing like he doesn't care that much about the date.
Date 2 is 5 years younger, good job, but might be a hick. Remember, I lack hick-dar since I grew up in the north and live in the south now. It's broken. But he's an engineer and perhaps I'll regret saying this but "How much of a hick can he be??" : ) We'll find out.
I've been out of the dating scene for a few weeks due to a crazy couple weeks, but I'm back in the saddle again (where IS my whip??)
Saturday morning - Date #1. Coffee at Starbucks. Safe. Quick. I hope it works out.
Date #2 - Drinks Sunday night. Safe. Quick. I hope it works out.
Date 1 is 12 years older, good job, seems like a fun guy but seems very laid back/casual, playing like he doesn't care that much about the date.
Date 2 is 5 years younger, good job, but might be a hick. Remember, I lack hick-dar since I grew up in the north and live in the south now. It's broken. But he's an engineer and perhaps I'll regret saying this but "How much of a hick can he be??" : ) We'll find out.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
My raging thoughts on being stood up... twice.
Now really, this topic can be summed up in one word, "WHY?"
Why do dudes do this? The last guy, *Dan stood me up a week ago, called & said his son dropped his phone in the toilet and he had to get his online bill to get my #. Sounds plausible. Also sounds like bullshit, so what do you do? The sad thing is, women (and yes, I mean me) believe this shit sometimes because well, it COULD happen, but the bottom line is, these excuses come up more than the ones I give my personal trainer (not really, but it's a good place to give an excuse). Anyway, I give him another chance, make a date for last night, text the night before and he says we're still on. Friday comes around and... NOTHING. The douchebag stood me up. I figure he is stage 4 (see previous post on douchebagitis).
Had I been in my 20's I might have let it go, but I've had a rough week and my anger went thru the roof so I made the phone call. It went like this, "Dan, this is Regina. I would never call, but I think you really should know that you are a douchebag doing this to me, especially knowing about the rough week I had. I just wanted to tell you what a complete cocksucker you are, so you know your true identity." I think it might sound psycho now, but DAMN that felt good!
So here I am today and I have another date and now this guy calls and says some bullshit about how he got called into work for an emergency. If that really happened, why wouldn't he have called me earlier when he GOT called in? Why text at like 5pm?? I think the guy is full of shit and wants to go out with his friends. Well fuckhead, don't make plans with me?
My anger level with guys is thru the roof. I'd like to explain to the guys out there... THIS is why girls treat you like shit. THIS is why we decide to be gold diggers and use you. I'm on the rampage. Dudes better watch out.
Why do dudes do this? The last guy, *Dan stood me up a week ago, called & said his son dropped his phone in the toilet and he had to get his online bill to get my #. Sounds plausible. Also sounds like bullshit, so what do you do? The sad thing is, women (and yes, I mean me) believe this shit sometimes because well, it COULD happen, but the bottom line is, these excuses come up more than the ones I give my personal trainer (not really, but it's a good place to give an excuse). Anyway, I give him another chance, make a date for last night, text the night before and he says we're still on. Friday comes around and... NOTHING. The douchebag stood me up. I figure he is stage 4 (see previous post on douchebagitis).
Had I been in my 20's I might have let it go, but I've had a rough week and my anger went thru the roof so I made the phone call. It went like this, "Dan, this is Regina. I would never call, but I think you really should know that you are a douchebag doing this to me, especially knowing about the rough week I had. I just wanted to tell you what a complete cocksucker you are, so you know your true identity." I think it might sound psycho now, but DAMN that felt good!
So here I am today and I have another date and now this guy calls and says some bullshit about how he got called into work for an emergency. If that really happened, why wouldn't he have called me earlier when he GOT called in? Why text at like 5pm?? I think the guy is full of shit and wants to go out with his friends. Well fuckhead, don't make plans with me?
My anger level with guys is thru the roof. I'd like to explain to the guys out there... THIS is why girls treat you like shit. THIS is why we decide to be gold diggers and use you. I'm on the rampage. Dudes better watch out.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
The "pencilled in" plans... and a new guy!
One of these days, I will understand members of the opposite sex, but today is not the day. The guy I meet 2 weeks ago *Dan tells me that he's dying to see me again, but last week flakes on me, then leaves a long voicemail saying his son was sick, blah blah blah (maybe so, but how long does it take to send a text?). We try again this week (he claimed he wanted redemption) and then does the SAME FREAKIN' thing. Don't call me once, shame on you. Don't call me twice, buh-bye. Says on Tuesday he wants to go out on Friday and will call me the next day. No call. No call ever. Jerk.
Guys in neighboring states are exactly the same... hmm.. maybe they are migrating south?? *Bill tells me we'll do lunch on Sunday and does the same flaky crap to me.
So what's a girl to do? I made another date! Yeah, bet the guys who do this think that their poor potential dates are so upset they are sitting home with a bowl of Ben & Jerry's and a death wish. Today's not that day either (although I've been there, done that). Met *Randy last night and had a great time. Only draw back? He's 9 years younger, which I'm not sure if that qualifies me as a cougar, but so be it. Drawbacks are that he has a roomate, which I haven't had since, well my 20's... but he's sweet & nice and seems like a good guy. How many times do I say that after a 1st date though? But we shall see.....
Guys in neighboring states are exactly the same... hmm.. maybe they are migrating south?? *Bill tells me we'll do lunch on Sunday and does the same flaky crap to me.
So what's a girl to do? I made another date! Yeah, bet the guys who do this think that their poor potential dates are so upset they are sitting home with a bowl of Ben & Jerry's and a death wish. Today's not that day either (although I've been there, done that). Met *Randy last night and had a great time. Only draw back? He's 9 years younger, which I'm not sure if that qualifies me as a cougar, but so be it. Drawbacks are that he has a roomate, which I haven't had since, well my 20's... but he's sweet & nice and seems like a good guy. How many times do I say that after a 1st date though? But we shall see.....
Sunday, April 26, 2009
"No effort" guy and someone give me HICK-dar!
Gentlemen, since some don't seem to get it, allow me to say this - put some effort into how you look on a date. Friday I went on a 2nd date with *Brad. First date went well and he was dressed in work attire. This date - he shows up wearing a crappy black shirt (that has a rip in it) and cargo shorts that were dirty and didn't shave. You're basically telling me you don't care that much about the date. How do you expect there to be any romance? Is romance completely DEAD? What happened to guys who put maybe a LITTLE effort into dating? Then to top it off he tells me he smokes weed "occasionally" even though my profile specifically says my dates must be drug free. I must have done something completely evil in a former life, because my dating karma is shit.
Today, I met *Tim at a local amusement park for our 1st date. Yup, my blog readers, I landed another hick. I should've known (again), but man, they sneak in there with witty emails and such that when I speak to them on the phone, I can't tell and lose my Hick-dar. I pretty much knew it was over when he complained about how all Muslims are terrorists and told me that he "might" have a child, he's really not sure. He had a one-night stand. The girl told him she was pregnant and was naming the child after him and somehow they "lost touch" so he doesn't know if he has a kid. He said it so "I really don't care" that it made me a little mad. Also told me he's been on match.com for 3 years yet he's separated right now and was married a year... can you do math because I sure can!!! Then after we were at the park a few hours he asks me if we can go back to my place to take a nap. Um, no dude, we aren't going to my place for anything. No hicks allowed.
I did meet a nice gentleman last night and I told him all about this lovely blog. I bet he's sweating bullets thinking "oh man is she doing to write about me?" Well, just remember, this is about the Dudes too... there are some good ones that make it on here. ; ) I gave him my number. We'll see if he calls. If not, there could be a blog about the "never called me" dud.. haha!
Today, I met *Tim at a local amusement park for our 1st date. Yup, my blog readers, I landed another hick. I should've known (again), but man, they sneak in there with witty emails and such that when I speak to them on the phone, I can't tell and lose my Hick-dar. I pretty much knew it was over when he complained about how all Muslims are terrorists and told me that he "might" have a child, he's really not sure. He had a one-night stand. The girl told him she was pregnant and was naming the child after him and somehow they "lost touch" so he doesn't know if he has a kid. He said it so "I really don't care" that it made me a little mad. Also told me he's been on match.com for 3 years yet he's separated right now and was married a year... can you do math because I sure can!!! Then after we were at the park a few hours he asks me if we can go back to my place to take a nap. Um, no dude, we aren't going to my place for anything. No hicks allowed.
I did meet a nice gentleman last night and I told him all about this lovely blog. I bet he's sweating bullets thinking "oh man is she doing to write about me?" Well, just remember, this is about the Dudes too... there are some good ones that make it on here. ; ) I gave him my number. We'll see if he calls. If not, there could be a blog about the "never called me" dud.. haha!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
So.. you have a pig?
Oh my God. Back on the online dating now and met this guy with a profile that claims he reads Ayn Rand and other great authors, sounds intelligent. Talk on the phone and I ask "So what are you up to this fine evening?" He says, "I was just out with my pig" and proceeds to tell me how he's selling this pig to a meat market tomorrow. But immediately tells me "Don't think I'm a hick." No dude. I don't think that guys who raise pigs are hicks (snark snark). But then he sounded... well, let's be honest - he sounded high, like he couldn't keep his stuff straight, so I come out and ask him, "Do you do drugs?" and he says "No, I don't do drugs. Well, I smoke some pot every now and then but I don't do drugs." Seriously, that's the best messsage for the "JUST SAY NO" campaign I ever heard. You're so fried you forget that pot is a drug. Moron. I tell him, "Well, if you read my profile it says DRUG-FREE is a must" and he starts to tell me how he doesn't think he's a "drug user." I tell him that hello - if you smoke pot, you do drugs and a girl with that on her profile is obviously not looking for ANY drugs. So I told him sorry, that's a deal breaker. Good luck and good bye.
Oh man, I could've had a pig-raising, pot-smoking moron. I am NOT impressed with my state. I know I'm in the south but DAMN!
Oh man, I could've had a pig-raising, pot-smoking moron. I am NOT impressed with my state. I know I'm in the south but DAMN!
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Douchbagitis!!!
There is a new affliction cursing many men today. The likely cause is shear stupidity. This terrible disease is called douchebagitis. You may suffer from this affliction if you use stupid come-on lines, don't call girls when you are supposed to, make them wait on you when it's really unnecessary, or generally act like a moron for unknown reasons. If you have douchbagitis, you may feel a slight pain in your forehead. That's because you are missing a brain. Your brain in located in your dick and unfortunately, this causes you to behave in unruly and often unethical and immoral ways. If you find yourself treating a girl like shit, you may have this disease. There are 4 stages to this disease.
Stage One: You start to act "different". You don't call a girl when you say you will. You start to wonder what else is out there. It's easy to seek treatment at this stage by focusing on all the wonderful qualities the girl you are with has. Focus on how she took care of you when you were sick, or how she does special things for you. Call her immediately and treat her like the awesome girl she is. Avoid other douchebagitis sufferers at all costs. Chance of recovery: 85%
Stage Two: You start listening to other men who suffer from this affliction. Many men have this, and that includes some of your male friends. They will tell you, "Don't put up with that shit" and "You can do better than that" and "Screw her, be single! Come out with us! " Notice, this advice always comes from single men (again who also have this affliction). They don't like to be alone and they are recruiting you into their legions. Don't fall for it. Chance of recovery: 50-60%
Stage Three: You purposely hurt a girl you are with. You cancel plans. You treat her like shit by suddenly disappearing for days at a time. During this time, you convince yourself that you are "busy" at work or on the weekend and that her need to talk to you is "psycho". That laundry takes a lot of time, huh? Even though you really aren't doing laundry, you're playing video games, but still. You try to convince yourself she is being too clingy because she (gasp!) wants to talk to you. You run for no reason. Unless you man up now and call her and be honest, your chance of recovery is only 20-30%
Stage Four: Chronic douchebagedness has set in. This is the terminal stage. You constantly piss off the girl you are with by acting like a moron. She's telling you that you're being a moron, but you ignore it. You go to the bar with friends and hit on any girl you can. You begin to think you are Brad Pitt, even though you look like Humpty Dumpty. You convince yourself that one workout has made you "buff" and that you are hot. You tell girls you are single, and you aren't. You've begun to consider buying a pickup truck with Calvin pissing on something. The thought of wearing "Free Moustache Rides" t-shirts is appealing. This stage is lethal and chances for recovery are minimal.
Stage One: You start to act "different". You don't call a girl when you say you will. You start to wonder what else is out there. It's easy to seek treatment at this stage by focusing on all the wonderful qualities the girl you are with has. Focus on how she took care of you when you were sick, or how she does special things for you. Call her immediately and treat her like the awesome girl she is. Avoid other douchebagitis sufferers at all costs. Chance of recovery: 85%
Stage Two: You start listening to other men who suffer from this affliction. Many men have this, and that includes some of your male friends. They will tell you, "Don't put up with that shit" and "You can do better than that" and "Screw her, be single! Come out with us! " Notice, this advice always comes from single men (again who also have this affliction). They don't like to be alone and they are recruiting you into their legions. Don't fall for it. Chance of recovery: 50-60%
Stage Three: You purposely hurt a girl you are with. You cancel plans. You treat her like shit by suddenly disappearing for days at a time. During this time, you convince yourself that you are "busy" at work or on the weekend and that her need to talk to you is "psycho". That laundry takes a lot of time, huh? Even though you really aren't doing laundry, you're playing video games, but still. You try to convince yourself she is being too clingy because she (gasp!) wants to talk to you. You run for no reason. Unless you man up now and call her and be honest, your chance of recovery is only 20-30%
Stage Four: Chronic douchebagedness has set in. This is the terminal stage. You constantly piss off the girl you are with by acting like a moron. She's telling you that you're being a moron, but you ignore it. You go to the bar with friends and hit on any girl you can. You begin to think you are Brad Pitt, even though you look like Humpty Dumpty. You convince yourself that one workout has made you "buff" and that you are hot. You tell girls you are single, and you aren't. You've begun to consider buying a pickup truck with Calvin pissing on something. The thought of wearing "Free Moustache Rides" t-shirts is appealing. This stage is lethal and chances for recovery are minimal.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Another prince that's just another frog...
They hide it well. The past 2 months, I've had no posts because I was skating along in a state of relationship bliss. *Dave (oh yeah, that's a fake name) told me he was falling for me, told me he never felt this way about anyone, the usual "prince" language, right? Flash forward to Valentine's Day and I should've known something was up. A week before he says "I want to take you to this resort for a couple's massage" but then he never followed through and basically forgot about the whole day and never mentioned anything about it again. I wound up getting a card, but only after he knew I was upset. I wound up painting HIS ceiling with him on the day we were supposed to celebrate Valentine's. Boy that makes me feel like a schmuck now. From there, it's been downhill. I knew he was acting "off" this past week and he blamed it on medical issues, but medical issues don't stop you from texting someone or calling them. Ladies - let me tell you the signs of a frog faking princehood:
1. They give you empty promises: "we'll do this or that" and don't follow through. That means he doesn't care enough to actually follow through.
2. He starts acting differently - doesn't text or call like he used to. Trust your instincts. You aren't over-reacting or overanalyzing.
What kills me about the whole freakin' thing is the hypocrite that he is. He tells me that his night with his guy friend is "his night", yet every night I went out with my girls, he texted me the ENTIRE night to the point that my friends were getting mad at me, but the moment I said something the day with his "boys", I'm crowding him. Oh, and he's dated all these old chics in the past who treated him like shit - he was basically their "money bags" and I never EVER let him do anything for me besides take me to dinner (which we both paid for). I wouldn't even let him buy me lightbulbs at Home Depot. Every guy says they want a confident, independent girl and they get it and can't handle it. I don't understand. I couldn't have treated him better - helping him paint, watching his dog while he was out of town, paying for dinners, buying him concert tickets, making him dinner when he was sick, and what do I get - just another full of shit guy.
The dumping part was the worst - he did it on the phone, while I was driving. Classy. I know there is no great way to break up with someone, but man. The worst part is he never talked to me. He never told me I was doing anything that bothered him. Never told me anything was wrong. That's a problem because communication is so important. Oh well, the world is full of frogs and this has taught me just to hold tight to my own self and be true to me and one day, I'll meet the prince. Spotting these frogs is going to get easier and easier.
The funny part? I told him I've written about my bad dates and such and he said "you'll never have to do that with me".
You guessed wrong. Toad.
1. They give you empty promises: "we'll do this or that" and don't follow through. That means he doesn't care enough to actually follow through.
2. He starts acting differently - doesn't text or call like he used to. Trust your instincts. You aren't over-reacting or overanalyzing.
What kills me about the whole freakin' thing is the hypocrite that he is. He tells me that his night with his guy friend is "his night", yet every night I went out with my girls, he texted me the ENTIRE night to the point that my friends were getting mad at me, but the moment I said something the day with his "boys", I'm crowding him. Oh, and he's dated all these old chics in the past who treated him like shit - he was basically their "money bags" and I never EVER let him do anything for me besides take me to dinner (which we both paid for). I wouldn't even let him buy me lightbulbs at Home Depot. Every guy says they want a confident, independent girl and they get it and can't handle it. I don't understand. I couldn't have treated him better - helping him paint, watching his dog while he was out of town, paying for dinners, buying him concert tickets, making him dinner when he was sick, and what do I get - just another full of shit guy.
The dumping part was the worst - he did it on the phone, while I was driving. Classy. I know there is no great way to break up with someone, but man. The worst part is he never talked to me. He never told me I was doing anything that bothered him. Never told me anything was wrong. That's a problem because communication is so important. Oh well, the world is full of frogs and this has taught me just to hold tight to my own self and be true to me and one day, I'll meet the prince. Spotting these frogs is going to get easier and easier.
The funny part? I told him I've written about my bad dates and such and he said "you'll never have to do that with me".
You guessed wrong. Toad.
Friday, January 16, 2009
The elusive Nice Guy (he DOES exist)
Nice guys. I often wondered if they existed. I viewed them much like unicorns and leprechauns, something you fiercely WANT to believe in, but never have seen one to prove that such things exist in real life.
I can now confirm that nice guys DO exist! I spotted mine on match.com no less and wound up going out with him 3 nights in a row. He's everything that the medieval mystic creatures guidebook told me he would be - honest about his feelings, caring and thoughtful. There is no game playing. No tricks. No trying to jump my bones the first date. Brought flowers the 2nd date. Has a wickedly cute sense of humor and a smile that makes me weak in the knees.
You too might spot one when you least expect it. Perhaps they only emerge during a full moon? Perhaps they live in forests fighting evil trolls? I'm not sure where this one was hiding, but I'm holding onto him as not to let him slip away into fairytale land....
Let someone else fight the trolls.. Lord knows I dated enough of those.
I can now confirm that nice guys DO exist! I spotted mine on match.com no less and wound up going out with him 3 nights in a row. He's everything that the medieval mystic creatures guidebook told me he would be - honest about his feelings, caring and thoughtful. There is no game playing. No tricks. No trying to jump my bones the first date. Brought flowers the 2nd date. Has a wickedly cute sense of humor and a smile that makes me weak in the knees.
You too might spot one when you least expect it. Perhaps they only emerge during a full moon? Perhaps they live in forests fighting evil trolls? I'm not sure where this one was hiding, but I'm holding onto him as not to let him slip away into fairytale land....
Let someone else fight the trolls.. Lord knows I dated enough of those.
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