Been home sick and not venturing much into the dating world (another slow time, what can I say) so I'm at home perusing my options on match between naps and bowls of chicken soup.
So... I get winked at by this guy today and had to comment on this to the blog. It's too tragic not to comment. He has 2 pics, both exactly the same except for the fact that in the 2nd pic, he is shirtless (a pet peeve of mine you don't EVEN want to get me started on). Okay, I can't help myself, I'm started - why are you taking shirtless pictures? It is NOT a turn on. It's basically saying you're a giant douchebag (see douchebagitis post). It's like, "Hey look at me and my awesome bod, ladies." His name is probably Guido. Or Nick. C'mon guys - I don't want or need to see you shirtless. Without saying a word, you basically confirmed that you are self-absorbed, inconsiderate and probably lousy in bed (those who are good don't need to advertise the goods). In this scenario there is a bigger problem though. This match doesn't have a fantastic bod. This match.com shirtless guy has man boobs. He's a douchebag who doesn't even realize he has man boobs.
And...
The man boob nipple I can see clearly is pierced.
Ew.
I suppose this is sorta like a chubby girl like me getting her belly pierced. It's a complete no-no. This pierced man boob is like a droopy boob with a little loop on the end of it. Is it for towing? A place to clip your keys so you don't lose them? Maybe he keeps pulling on it, creating his saggy National Geographic-like droopy boobs? Can you tie em' in a knot? Can you tie em' in a bow? Maybe he's one of those weirdos who enters competitions where he lifts massive weights with his piercings and odd body parts? Seriously, have you ever seen those dudes who lift huge weights with their penises? Disturbing. Google it.
Then to top it off, he says he's in law enforcement, but he's "well off" and makes over $150K/year but the pics, in the background (do guys not realize we analyze every piece of background in those self-portraits?) there is a lava lamp. Yes, a blue lava lamp. There is also a clock with fruit on it like what my grandmother would have... in 1961. Except another small problem - this cell-phone camera self-portrait is in the bathroom. How do I know? Right below the hideous grandma clock is the toilet. Ohhhh sexy. Take a photo in the can and put THAT on match. I'm yours.
Seriously, this could be the love of my life, right?
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